When to let gamers go.....

[Foki Firefinger]

As a DM/GM, over the years, most of the people in the group were pretty cool, but there has been a few times that I had to either threaten to expell a person from the group or actually do it. One of the major rules of joining our gaming sessions is that the gamer has to have a least somewhat a firm grasp on reality. One of the women in my group became upon when her character's finacee ( a NPC) was seduced by another NPC. She became so upset, that se sat on the floor next to my front door crying. I cautioned her that if she couldnt handle it, she had no business playing with the group. She straighten up for a while, but finally drifted away from the group,
Another case was when one of our grown-up gamers (who happen to be gay) would not stop hitting on the teenage boys in the group. Now I have never held anything against a gay person, but this unwanted attention to the teenagers was embarassing for them and the rest of the group. We warned him repeatively and the teenagers themselves started to threaten real physical violence to him. We no longer game with him and I will not speak to him anymore. I had teenage sons myself. Any suggestions how to handle problem gamers?

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

Wow, doubtful anyone here is going to best that. LOL Okay, i had to kick out a gamer for continually cheating, another for chronic tardiness, one for being an emotionally 8 year old... and he was 38, and another for A.D.D., dude couldnt focus on the game. See, i couldnt best you, but i am sure i speak for many here when i say that it would be a blast to sit at your gaming table.

Oh, and the best of all, when a players character died for being stupid, i actually had to pull him off another player which he began to punch, with me pulling him off. I ended it with one of my beautiful front hook kicks. He was out cold. Now before anyone judges me, he was new that night(first time meeting and playing with us) and actually tried to brain me with my baseball bat. I heard not long after that he was thrown in jail for violence or something, i think he hit his girlfriend or some girl...what a looooser! He never did make good on his promise to kill me. LOL Hope the inmates smack him around a bit. You never know who's going to answer DnD ads. LOL

Btw, one of the other players was a cop, witnessed the whole thing, which is why i didnt get into trouble. He called his department and had on duty officers come out and arrest him. Ah, drama, and not the kind i like.

[Grimwell]

Ugh, the wonderfully horrible topic.

I find that there is only one way to deal with them: Be honest, and be clear.

No matter what behavior or reason they are exhibiting that makes them stand out negatively, you can handle it by being honest and making it clear that they need to change or find a new table.

That does not mean I advocate being brutally honest, but you can't be passively honest either. I've never had a gay player hit on breeders at my table (and I've had gay players), but I've seen men leer over women which is the same thing. I straight up told the guy to check his libido or to walk from the campaign. I don't have tolerance for someone making others at the table uncomfortable. That's not why I play.

I also try to head this off at the pass by having people read my house rules for gaming (check my PnPG blog, I posted them recently). It lists some of those very things and makes it clear that they are not welcome. I've had people decline to play after reading the rules, but that was fine by me. It meant they wouldn't have been a good match for my gaming friends, or my family, and eliminating a problem player before the dice go down is a good thing.

So, when to let someone go? When they demonstrate that they aren't going to change a negative behavior no matter how you ask them.

[tesral]

I had one guy I eased out. Scary type he was so fragile. I frankly lied to as I was afraid he might end up in a tower, with a rifle. I don't recommend this, ever. I wouldn't do it again myself.

Ran into him ten years later and he hadn't changed at all. Still just as pitiful. I really felt sorry for the dude, but he was dragging the group down in several directions. I'm a DM, not a therapist. He needed the latter.

[Foki Firefinger]

Normally everybody in the group gets along well. But I do have house rules that will be followed:

1. No drugs (I dont do them and you can party later)
2. No alcohol (Party later and I dont drink)
3.Smoke breaks on the porch (Had a chronic asthmathic child)
4. Must be mature (Lowest age normally allowed was 12 and had to be very mature. The one exception was my youngest son, he was born a gamer, lol-- he started playing about 3 months before he was 12)
5. Must have a firm grasp of reality-- my game worlds are not real.
6. If children were present, cut down on the swearing (I have kids too!)

Even with these rules, we still have fun. But if we had to kick someone out of the group, it was a group decision and that was very rare. Unless it was for a very good reason, such as stated earlier by myself, I couldnt see any reason to hurt someones feelings by booting them out for minor problems. But if someone had a problem, of course, the dm/gm was elected to talk to the offending member and smooth things out. Our gaming groups became like family--gaming, barbarque, movies, etc. So in most cases we did try to get along.

[raven21]

I agree with Grimwell its best to be honest and clear about it. I just happen to be brutaly honest. I also find that they faster you can get them to change or remove them from game the less likely it is to devleope into a problem and the seem to take it better if they haven't got overly invested into the game.

[Stormhound]

The only guy I ever remember having to kick out of a group was back after I got out of college. 2ed was the new thing, but I was in a smallish town and the only way I could run a game was with high-schoolers. So I let them know up front that I had a grades rule: anything less than a C in any classes, and they couldn't play. One guy (a trouble-maker who I've mentioned elsewhere) ended up with two D's and an F...sorry, dude, you need to do more studying and less gaming. Kind of a shame, he was one of the "bright slacker" types.

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

Normally everybody in the group gets along well. But I do have house rules that will be followed:

1. No drugs (I dont do them and you can party later)
2. No alcohol (Party later and I dont drink)
3.Smoke breaks on the porch (Had a chronic asthmathic child)
4. Must be mature (Lowest age normally allowed was 12 and had to be very mature. The one exception was my youngest son, he was born a gamer, lol-- he started playing about 3 months before he was 12)
5. Must have a firm grasp of reality-- my game worlds are not real.
6. If children were present, cut down on the swearing (I have kids too!)

Even with these rules, we still have fun. But if we had to kick someone out of the group, it was a group decision and that was very rare. Unless it was for a very good reason, such as stated earlier by myself, I couldnt see any reason to hurt someones feelings by booting them out for minor problems. But if someone had a problem, of course, the dm/gm was elected to talk to the offending member and smooth things out. Our gaming groups became like family--gaming, barbarque, movies, etc. So in most cases we did try to get along.

All great rules, Foki. The only real difference between yours and mine is that i will NOT play with anyone under 18. Actually, i prefer the youngest to be at least in their mid-20's.

[Foki Firefinger]

All great rules, Foki. The only real difference between yours and mine is that i will NOT play with anyone under 18. Actually, i prefer the youngest to be at least in their mid-20's.

Well at times, I ran a group for the younger folk, and my youngest son started DM/Gming his own groups at about 13. I guess he learned most of my DMing tricks.

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

Well at times, I ran a group for the younger folk, and my youngest son started DM/Gming his own groups at about 13. I guess he learned most of my DMing tricks.

I guess i will be making an exception to my age rule soon. My nephew will begin his first DnD game within the next year or so. That will be cool.

[Grumpy Old Man]

Foki Firefinger and Grimwell pretty much made my post. I don't drink or smoke and smoking if it has to be done will be done on the porch and ashtrays will be used. I have a bad back and I will not pick up anybody else's butts anymore. Games are tailored to kids if we have any in the group but kids or adults if you can't make 2 games in a row without a good reason I have to let you go because it isn't fair to the other players. It means you have other priorities or are too busy. If you call and tell me you will be a couple of hours late then there is no problem but the goof ball who shows up a few times when there is only an hour left on the session and demands to be caught up and wants to play over when other people have to get up and go to school or work or both usually finds himself killed off or banned to an alternate universe with no way back and no chance to roll up a new character. Not so subtle way of saying don't bother the gamers who show up to play.

[Valdar]

I had this problem a while back- it was made easier when I asked myself, "Am I having more fun or less fun with this person being at the table?". If the answer is "less fun", they're gone. I don't get paid to DM, so fun is really my only reward for all the time put in, and if I'm not having fun due to there being a player who's dragging the game down, well, that means I'm not getting my return on time invested.

I wasn't really that peeved about this player, except for one parting comment- whining about all the work done to make and level their character. It amazes me how clueless some people are about the work involved in DMing when they've never done it themselves, and hold up their trivial work as a player as meaning they're entitled to enjoy all the hard work you do as DM.

[Freejack]

I don't mind the younger folk. I have a 12 or 13 yo in my Sunday games and he does pretty well. The bad ones are the ones who are mentally less than 12.

In one of the games I used to play in, the folks got pretty risque. Especially the one female. Man, I was embarrassed several times.

One game I used to play in, I quit gaming because the GM smoked. I got to the point that I was getting dizzy and feeling sick during the game and I reeked of smoke for a couple of days afterwards.

Carl

[mrken]

One game I used to play in, I quit gaming because the GM smoked. I got to the point that I was getting dizzy and feeling sick during the game and I reeked of smoke for a couple of days afterwards.

Carl

That reminds me of the GM that sat across the table from my wife and blew smoke at her all game long. Nether her nor I smoke (though at the time I was still quitting) and it bothered us to no end. We told him that we would not be coming back even though we really enjoyed his game. When he asked why I explained that we didn't smoke and the smoke in the room was killing us. He then asked if I would like to come by myself. I still chuckle at his self absorbed ignorance.

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

I had one guy I eased out. Scary type he was so fragile. I frankly lied to as I was afraid he might end up in a tower, with a rifle. I don't recommend this, ever. I wouldn't do it again myself.

Ran into him ten years later and he hadn't changed at all. Still just as pitiful. I really felt sorry for the dude, but he was dragging the group down in several directions. I'm a DM, not a therapist. He needed the latter.

Tesral makes a good point here. We are not therapists and have no wish to practice psychotherapy in our respective games. When players arent particularly balanced, have mental health issues, it's best just to show them to the door.