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Thread: When to let gamers go.....

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thoth-Amon View Post
    Tesral makes a good point here. We are not therapists and have no wish to practice psychotherapy in our respective games. When players arent particularly balanced, have mental health issues, it's best just to show them to the door.
    It really bothers me, not because they need help, but that so few get it. I'm a welcoming sort of person. Saying no in that respect is bothersome, but sometimes you have to say no.

    Garry AKA --Phoenix-- Rising above the Flames.
    My favorite game console is a table and chairs.
    The Olde Phoenix Inn

  2. #17
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    You know, I am sorry if the smokers think we are putting you down. When the smokers in my group needed a smoke break, it was no problem and I had an enclosed porch, so they are protected from the elements. I have even had DMs that smoke, but they were usually pretty cool about smoking outside and making with children insisted everyone smokes outside, even in their own homes. With the drinking problem, I lost a character in Oriental D&D due to one new player sneaking outside saying he was going for a smoke and going to his car to add rum to his soda. He was asked not to come back. I usually have minors playing in my group and I am very strict out anyone drinking around minors. Besides, like I said before, if you want to drink, go partying, if you want to game, then game, dont mix the two. Even if minors were not gaming, group members brought their children who played with my kids (barbarque in middle of gaming for everyone, lol, along with cake and icecream).


    Your world or mine? (by a die-hard gamer)
    Hey! You said my character died? Ok, what do I see now? (not so last words of the character Elvona tia by her player)

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freejack View Post
    I don't mind the younger folk. I have a 12 or 13 yo in my Sunday games and he does pretty well. The bad ones are the ones who are mentally less than 12.

    In one of the games I used to play in, the folks got pretty risque. Especially the one female. Man, I was embarrassed several times.

    One game I used to play in, I quit gaming because the GM smoked. I got to the point that I was getting dizzy and feeling sick during the game and I reeked of smoke for a couple of days afterwards.

    Carl
    i smoke, and i host our game, but when we're playing, everyone smokes on the porch. period. we have two non-smokers who play with us (three when my gf's friend isn't working) and i want them to stay playing with us, so i do what i can to accomodate them.

    as far as people who are incompatable with our gaming style/social skill level, they don't even make it past the initial meeting (see: age limits thread).
    "well, g'night! dont let the flesh eating demon bed babies bite!!"
    facebook.com/houstonderek

  4. #19
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    Smoking is a no-no. I'm allergic to the stuff, no cigs i nthe house. Drink is tolerated for the reason that it stays limited to a glass of wine or mead. We have no get drunk drinkers. I don't drink myself, Diabetic after all.

    Garry AKA --Phoenix-- Rising above the Flames.
    My favorite game console is a table and chairs.
    The Olde Phoenix Inn

  5. #20
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    Well, for the whole story

    When I started, he smoked clove cigs on the back porch of his apartment. Also others who smoked also hit the back porch. Occasionally it was a little overpowering but not often.

    We found out a couple of months later that his wife was pregnant (there were already two kids in the house). Not long afterwards, they moved from their apartment to a house they rented. Lots more room for everyone, even our group

    They'd go out into the back yard to smoke although the door would be left open. That was December/January so we'd get pretty cold at times.

    When the baby was born, we bailed to a different location to give mom and baby some space.

    In March we came back and there was a significant difference in the house. Apparently mom had stopped while she was pregnant and dad had gone to cloves. When the baby was born, all bets were off and both mom and dad started smoking with a vengeance. The house reeked of cigarettes.

    I don't think I'm overly sensitive to smoke. I was in the military for almost 10 years and the early part of my life, both my parents smoked (dad quit before I remember but I remember when mom quit).

    After the first day back though my throat was very rough and the next day I was coughing a lot.

    The next week I couldn't concentrate on the game, I was dizzy and sick to my stomach. Most of the next day my throat was very rough. Folks asked me if I was feeling ok. It took a couple of days to get back to normal.

    So I sent him an e-mail bowing out of the game. I made no statements of judgement, just that I was a little sensitive to the smoking and wasn't able to concentrate on the game.

    I heard about his response about a month later.

    "F*ck him"

    It turns out that I picked up his group about a month or so ago. A falling out between friends started it but then he got sent to jail for 6 months for contempt of court.

    Carl
    GMing: Shadowrun 4th
    The Denver RPG Group - My Shadowrun Site - My Shadowrun Blog - Shadowrun Mooks
    I also administer the Mosaic and Stained Glass forums if you happen to be artistic


  6. #21
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    I have never kicked anyone (probably should have) but people who have been encouraged to find another group have been

    1. Drunk Guy - one guy I let get drunk because he was playing a drunken master phs adept (shadowrun) and he could RP it well and be drunk. So this guy playing a sober decker figured he could get drunk at games to. - told him no more drinking, never came back

    2. Drug Guy - great guy when he was not high. He thought he was brilliant when he was high but really he just became stupid. - told him no more being high, lost contact

    3. Personalities didn't mesh - this was also a dark spot in my GMing (GM ADD) so the group broke up. Some of us have come back togeather.

    4. Physical Problems - This girl was in and out of the hospital, she never actually made it to even one session. So she bowed out. I still feel bad for her.
    Last edited by MortonStromgal; 09-29-2008 at 10:45 AM.
    Playing: Pathfinder
    Running: infrequent VtM game


    "I'm beautifully hideous!" - Sven the Nosferatu

  7. #22
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    I am amazed that I haven’t actually had to kick anyone out of a game. I don’t have all the rules that most of you have. (not that there is anything wrong with them) I just don’t really care what people do with their own life or time as long as it does not interfere with game. Drinking if you can do it and still play great. Drugs don’t do them at my house I don’t do them and I have kids. Smoking outside I don’t smoke and my daughter is allergic to it.
    I have had to talk with 2 people that didn’t involve either of these things. First was if your not going to be at game let me know other people plan around you being there so we can game. The second was about treating another player poorly for no reason at all.
    I did have to tell a player that I would not let him back into my game ever after he got out of a mental hospital for losing touch with reality. He was young doing drugs and could no longer distingue between game and real life, he had some other problems too.

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by tesral View Post
    It really bothers me, not because they need help, but that so few get it. I'm a welcoming sort of person. Saying no in that respect is bothersome, but sometimes you have to say no.
    I'm in the same boat as you. When it's happened in groups I've been in, it's always done by unanimous vote, so it's not just one person's grudge on another. We've had some tough luck cases and even the fellow playing with us who is a degreed psychologist has said "That person needs help, but it's not our job to do it right now. We're just here to game and have fun."

    "We're just here to game and have fun," is probably my main criteria. If a player disrupts the game and contributes to excess amounts of not-fun, then a vote comes up in their absence. The GM or someone who will take the responsibility on approaches them and tells them as clearly, kindly and succinctly as possible that they are not welcome back.

  9. #24
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    Even thought I am getting a kick out of everyone's stories, I am really sorry that you all had to deal with that. I have actually never seen someone get fully ejected from the game. We have had the DM or some of the gamers pull other people off to the side for talks but it seemed like that was all we had to do and they got the messages loud and clear.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thoth-Amon View Post
    Wow, doubtful anyone here is going to best that. LOL Okay, i had to kick out a gamer for continually cheating, another for chronic tardiness, one for being an emotionally 8 year old... and he was 38, and another for A.D.D., dude couldnt focus on the game. See, i couldnt best you, but i am sure i speak for many here when i say that it would be a blast to sit at your gaming table.

    Oh, and the best of all, when a players character died for being stupid, i actually had to pull him off another player which he began to punch, with me pulling him off. I ended it with one of my beautiful front hook kicks. He was out cold. Now before anyone judges me, he was new that night(first time meeting and playing with us) and actually tried to brain me with my baseball bat. I heard not long after that he was thrown in jail for violence or something, i think he hit his girlfriend or some girl...what a looooser! He never did make good on his promise to kill me. LOL Hope the inmates smack him around a bit. You never know who's going to answer DnD ads. LOL

    Btw, one of the other players was a cop, witnessed the whole thing, which is why i didnt get into trouble. He called his department and had on duty officers come out and arrest him. Ah, drama, and not the kind i like.
    Another good reason why I need to join your group.
    Drink lad. Drink to the past and drink to the morrow's reckoning.
    Becoming a hero is simple. Do something dumb enough to be brave yet lucky enough to survive.

  10. #25
    Arch Lich Thoth-Amon is offline Cursed by the Gods
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuslixtheMighty View Post
    Even thought I am getting a kick out of everyone's stories, I am really sorry that you all had to deal with that. I have actually never seen someone get fully ejected from the game. We have had the DM or some of the gamers pull other people off to the side for talks but it seemed like that was all we had to do and they got the messages loud and clear.



    Another good reason why I need to join your group.
    Love to have you. Please keep in mind that ive only ever seen a handfull of occurences in over 30 years of gaming, and always with strangers answering an ad.
    Thoth-Amon, Lord of the Underworld and the Undead
    Once you know what the magician knows, it's not magick. It's a 'tool of Creation'. -Archmagus H.H.
    The first step to expanding your reality is to discard the tendency to exclude things from possibility. - Meridjet

  11. #26
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    The overwhelming majority of people I've gamed with have been fine. They are great gamers who bring something new and unexpected to a campaign.

    But there have been a few I needed to deal with. The number one rule is this -- are you making the experience of playing the game better or worse? If the answer is consistently worse -- whatever the source of the behavior--then it is time to move on. Mostly, they can sense when things aren't working out and simply leave on their own. A few take a bit more direct prodding. In my entire career, I've only ever had to toss out one player directly.

    The reason has already been mentioned in other posts -- there was a woman in the game,and he simply could not stop hitting upon and flirting with her even though she was clearly uninterested and indeed was playing with her significant other.

    Him I sent a strongly worded email to and that was the last I ever heard of him.

    Gary

  12. #27
    Mac Who Else Guest
    Player/GM:
    LFG:
    Clear, to the point honesty is always the way to handle it.

    We had a player join ur group who kept intentionally doing things that would antagonize players/characters simply for attention...

    example:
    1) you blow yourself up (in an ignorant fashion no less) do you..
    A: Thank the Gnome Theurge that saved your life with a Cure Serious.
    B: Tell him to "F off" and heal you faster.

    2) When in combat and a party member goes down do you
    A: Help the Cleric Who's double flanked by 4 drow assassins?
    B: loot the dead comrads body

    3) While facing off with a drow Priestess do you
    A: assist the rogue thats trying to flank her to get sneak atk Dmg
    B: keep side step so that the rogue never gets it.



    and the list goes on and on and on.... Our DM asked the players privately over e-mail how we all feel, and the 5 of us all said "remove him" so he was gone. and he was one of the 5's BEST FRIEND.

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mac Who Else View Post
    and he was one of the 5's BEST FRIEND.

    Yeah it's always tough when you are friends with a bad gamer. But some people just aren't any fun to play with.

  14. #29
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    It's funny, that i just discovered this thread, as I'm getting ready to doa little player cleanbing so to speak. Part of the problem is gaming with the same group of guys for most of the 20 years I've been gaming, the other is that one of them is my brother. Right about the time Star Wars saga was released, there was an almost tangible passive hostility throughout the every game session I ran. I ended up asking everyone what was up, privately with e-mail, so as not to offend anyone. In the end, everyone kept bringing up my brother and there were over a dozen reasons, nothing to which i could argue against. It was sort of refreshing in that i discovered it wasn't how I was running the game, more how sessions would break down due to disruptions initiated and perpetrated by my brother. So, to curb him, before ousting him, as he was ousted years ago by our original gaming group and I didn't want him to not game, I sat down with him and showed him the feedback I got from everyone. Basically told him, he needs to shape up or he's out. It's worked for awhile, but now the old gamer is beginning to rear his ugly head again. There are some other issues occuring unrelated to him, such as a lot of attacks on my personal life by one gamer and another gamer who will should have his thumbs glued to his fricking cell phone with all the texting he does, through the session. In 3 or 4 months, when I wrap up my current Star Wars campaign, I'm going to be makign it perfectly clear, who I will continue to invite to games I run, who won't. It sucks, especially since I've known these guys since high school, and one being my brother, however, I've found gamign to betruly enjoyable...as it should be...when they are not present.

  15. #30
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    OMG! I read through many of these posts and the smoking bit shocked me the most. As a non-smoker who doesn't allow it in her house, car or what not, that has never been an issue. Even when I was married to a smoker, he never had issue smoking outside.

    Thankfully I haven't had to deal with any crazies. The only thing I've dealt with on a consistant basis is flakiness. Then again, everyone says that's an Atlanta thing. Anyone else deal with flakiness?

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