The most amusing D&D argument you've ever be present for.

[Law Dog]

I tend to reminisce a lot. Seen a lot of stupid stuff come around the gaming table in three decades. This one was 2nd edition D&D specific. This was a group in Lakewood, CA that I friend and I played with for about a month before deciding it wasn't for us.

One player that grated on us to no end we nicknamed Bucky as he and I shared the same first name (along with the GM and another player). We never called him Bucky except among ourselves. He looked like Buck Owens (from Hee Haw) except he had a set of "Bundy Yellow" buck teeth, too.

Anyway, during a break, he was talking to another player about how he wanted to find a tome that would raise one of his stats from 18 to 19 (I forget which stat and which manual, but I think it was Dex).

I've got a pretty good memory and had remembered reading a Sage Advice column in Dragon Magazine which cited that the tomes and manuals were strong enough magic to do this, so I casually piped up with that bit of information. I also pointed out that of course the GM could do whatever he or she wanted, so it was really a moot point. These guys were hack and slash powergamers anyway, so I figured that they wouldn't care anyway. Bucky got really irate and wanted to know where I got the information and I reiterated that it was from Dragon and I certainly didn't remember what issue. He wouldn't let the issue go and when I reminded him that it was really up to a GM anyway, he said "We play by the rules here." I just snickered at him which seemed to make him more irate as he babled away for another few minutes. I guess I just was coming from a different time when we didn't let rules get in the way of a fun game.

Anybody else seen anybody carry on with silly nonsense at the gaming table like this?

[tesral]

Yea, the Rules Pharisees. I see them often, usually about younger gamers, or Munchkins covering as rules Pharisees. The latter type talk the rules, the better to break them. The former actually believe the rules are some sacred writ to be followed even if dirt stupid.

[agoraderek]

rules lawyers, can't live with them, can't feed them to the bearded dragon (haven't perfected "polymorph rules lawyer to cricket" yet...).

yeah, most arguments at the table tend to be rules lawyer petitions. i have a pointy finger and a door. problem solved...

[Webhead]

While the following arguement actually comes from a Mutants & Masterminds game, I have one very memorable one from a player in our group who was also in our D&D game that was running at the same time and is very indicative of that player's overall presence in any game we played.

For his third character of the super hero campaign, the player had made a juvenile, amnesiac mentalist (he had telepathy, telekinesis and mind control powers). He had taken an "Amnesia" flaw for his character but constantly attempted to use it to justify his (bad) actions. He would argue that because he had amnesia, he had no sense of personal morals or ethics and was thus able to do whatever he wanted without remorse.

Things got really bad when he decided that he wanted to spend experience points to develop a new power, one that would reduce his enemies' ability to resist his mind control. I told him that he couldn't develop such a power so quickly and thus couldn't buy the power yet. He argued the point for a few minutes, but eventually had another idea. The party knew another group of tech-oriented heroes, so his character approached them and asked if they would build him a device that would simulate the power that he wanted. These heroes knew about his character's troubling behavior and didn't trust him to use such a device responsibly, so they refused. This really got him miffed. So he devises a third, desperate plan. He informs me that he is going to go looking for tech-oriented villains and try to talk one of them into building the device for him. He further explained that if the villain refused to build it, he would simply use mind control to force the villain to do it and then wipe his mind afterward so that he would have no memory of the incident.

The other players and I had had quite enough by this point and the PCs became committed to trying to get his character to resign himself to psychological treatment as he was clearly mentally unstable. Arguement ensued with the player proclaiming that we were "trying to tell him how to role play his character". I ended the campaign shortly thereafter for the sake of sanity and because several other players told me that they would likely stop coming if things continued as they were.

This same player argued at length with the DM in our D&D game over the purchase of an Arrow of Dragonslaying. By that point in the campaign, money was really no object to us, but the player said he didn't want to "waste his money" on the arrow if we weren't sure that we were going to fight a dragon in the future. Obviously the DM wasn't going to say "yes, you will fight a dragon three sessions from now" or anything of the sort which was clearly the answer the player wanted. After about 30 mintues of debate, he finally resigned himself to spending the meager coin to buy the arrow.

Needless to say, after that whole debacle, the DM felt compelled to make sure that we got to fight a few dragons...and we did. He got to use his arrow on a slightly younger dragon and promptly complained that he probably could have killed that dragon just as easily without it, and that he should have just saved his gold for something else.

[tesral]

rules lawyers, can't live with them, can't feed them to the bearded dragon (haven't perfected "polymorph rules lawyer to cricket" yet...).

Yea Jack Chick. I've been playing 32 years, when do I get my real spells!?

[fmitchell]

Yea Jack Chick. I've been playing 32 years, when do I get my real spells!?

Heck, when do I get a hot middle-aged woman as my Dungeon Master?

[Law Dog]

Heck, when do I get a hot middle-aged woman as my Dungeon Master?

Dungeon Milf?

[Law Dog]

He informs me that he is going to go looking for tech-oriented villains and try to talk one of them into building the device for him. He further explained that if the villain refused to build it, he would simply use mind control to force the villain to do it and then wipe his mind afterward so that he would have no memory of the incident.

Be real amusing if the heroes tipped of the villain ahead of time and the villain not only had time to build a power jammer, but also lobotomized the hero.

[Webhead]

Be real amusing if the heroes tipped of the villain ahead of time and the villain not only had time to build a power jammer, but also lobotomized the hero.

Yeah, that was pretty much the only conceivable end to that campaign. He was clearly more villainous than heroic and the PCs were feeling that it was becoming their responsibility to either rehabilitate him (which he wasn't going for) or take him out before he became a danger to others. I can't say that I blame them...

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

Not sure if this counts, but being in martial arts for over 20 years has given me some knowledge on certain weapons... weapons i am adept with. So, one day while playing, i disagreed with the DM on a ruling stating why what he ruled was improbable, to say the least. I then grabbed my sword, and grabbed a fellow player and showed the DM exactly why what he ruled couldnt have happened. When seeing the maneuver first hand, he agreed. In fact he stated, in the near 30 years he's been playing DnD, he was never given such a visually effective argument. In the end, my character lived to...er...um... die another day. But hey, Bards wrote songs about him... well, if there were any witnesses. It was heroic though. Damn high level TPK's! LOL

Thoth-Amon

[tesral]

I then grabbed my sword, and grabbed a fellow player and showed the DM exactly why what he ruled couldnt have happened.
Thoth-Amon

I spent a half hour tossing weapons on the kitchen scale once, in front of the younger players that thought the book had the weights right.

Educational to say the least.

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

I spent a half hour tossing weapons on the kitchen scale once, in front of the younger players that thought the book had the weights right.

Educational to say the least.

I'd love to play in one of your campaigns. It be a blast.

Thoth-Amon

[tesral]

I'd love to play in one of your campaigns. It be a blast.

Thoth-Amon

Darn the distance, darn it to Heck.

[Arch Lich Thoth-Amon]

Maybe we'll get lucky and teleportation machines will be released to the puplic. Who knows what else Tesla discovered before his death.

Thoth-Amon

[tesral]

Maybe we'll get lucky and teleportation machines will be released to the puplic. Who knows what else Tesla discovered before his death.

Thoth-Amon

In my dreams dude, in my dreams. I have people all over this country I want to play with and who want to play with me. It's a real pity we all don't live in say, Luxembourg.