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Dumbest thing a player ever said to you as a DM?
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Thread: Dumbest thing a player ever said to you as a DM?

  1. #1
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    Dumbest thing a player ever said to you as a DM?

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    A few of us were talking about an old article in Dragon called "Player say the darndest things (before you crush them)". Amongst them were "Hey, whose the chick with the spiders?"

    I had a young kid tell me he could "conjure up" a +5 fully vorpal sword at will. I let him do it. It arrived in under a minute, along with the Githyanki war party who owned it.

    Had a player leap off of a cliff, because he had enough HP to survive, and enough potions to heal up any damage. Unfortunately, his potions all failed their save (he didn't think of that) and were smashed on impact. The giant ants who ate him and his pack were veeeeerrrry healthy though.

    One player really wanted to meet Storm Silverhand from the Realms, because he thought she had some cool magic items, and he was gonna kick her butt and take them. She got some new items that day. I think I still have the character sheet with her new toys listed.

    And lastly, at a con, the young moron across from me told the female DM that girls were basically to stupid to fully understand the intricasies of the game. She had a good time with him.

    Any good ones you've heard across the table?

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    I wasn't dming, but one kid decided to tell the DM that he was going to stick his hand in a torch. It burnt off. He wanted to stick his other hand in, too, to rescue the first hand. The DM had fun with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by upidstay View Post
    Had a player leap off of a cliff, because he had enough HP to survive, and enough potions to heal up any damage. Unfortunately, his potions all failed their save (he didn't think of that) and were smashed on impact. The giant ants who ate him and his pack were veeeeerrrry healthy though.
    That is hilarious . I hope people keep posting these. I'll just let this thread simmer and return later with a thing of popcorn and a mind set ready for hilarity

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    Whilst scaling a cliff down to an enemy keep, the party was spotted by the defenders. As arrows are doing massive damage, one PC sees a ballista being re-aimed, so he dropped the last 30' onto the battlement as he screamed to his teammates.

    One guy says, "Ballista? What harm can HE do?"

    Umm, dude... you're a fourth level magic user... try some math. Oh, and that was BALLISTA - not BARRISTER. He had thunk it was a lawyer!

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    Was running a game at a comic shop, and there was a father-son combo at the table. The dad was a crusty AD&D player from the days of the un-painted plastic dice, and his teenage son was learning to play.

    I called for the dad to roll a "d20". He immediately grabbed a d10 and a d6 and rolled "old school" -- original dice sets numbered the d20's 0-9 twice and you either had to mark half of them, or use another dice for high/low.

    I knew what he was doing, because his dice were as old as I was, but his son freaks out; "dad! dad! he said d20! dad! twenty-sided-die! dad you rolled the wrong dice, dad."

    We all had a good laugh, and found a kindergarden "I can count to ten!" sticker that the kid had to wear on his forehead for the rest of the session.
    Contact me via PM -- email from this site isn't working for me.


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    In one of my early campaigns, kobolds always wore topknots on their heads, for which the local town leaders would pay a couple silver pieces each for, as proof that more kobolds were eliminated.

    One of my players acquired a portable hole (a pocket sized extradimensional space) for his inventive character, and he planned on capturing kobolds, throwing them in the hole, then letting them grow their hair out. He would then "harvest" the captured kobolds' topknots, wait for their hair to grow out, and do it again.

    Not exactly in the "dumbest saying" category, but we did get quite a few laughs out of it.
    Last edited by Maelstrom; 01-04-2008 at 02:13 PM.

    Developer for Darkage Warlord, a Pen & Paper Games exclusive Medieval Wargame.

    If you are in the DC metro area and like to trade D&D minis (1.0 or 2.0), please send me a PM!

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    DrAwkward that sounds cruel but hilarious.

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    DrAwkward, that nearly made me spew diet cola beverage all over my monitor!!

    The last campaign I was in, I was locked in a life-or-death struggle involving a trap wrapped in a riddle, and the DM asked me to roll a Will Save. Without batting an eye (and still all worried about the trap), I grabbed a d6 and a d20. After adding my bonus in, I said, "I hope a 22 makes it, cuz that's all I've got."

    I suddenly realized that the room was silent and everyone was staring at me.

    Not a one of them knew what I had done, and wanted to know how I cheated. I felt quite old.

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    Looks like since the D20 system was born all other forms of rolling were lost to the pages of history. Be prepared to see many other things you once held dear slowly disappear as 4E, 5E, etc... are released

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    at least its not ro-sham-bo

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    After a long session the one character got a wish. He slurred out. "I wish I could cast seventh level lizards." Now he meant "seventh level wizard spells", being the Awful evil DM I am I went with it. Character could huck his level in 7HD lizards a day. Was a mean old cuss followed by all the really big monitor lizards that survived.

    Big fight with a dragon, a clever dragon. They burst in, no dragon. Suddenly a little tiny dragon lands on one PC's head, and dispels his alteration. Full sized red. One PC trapped. The Paladin charges forward and gets a giant cork stuck on his sword. While he fights to free the sword the spell caster get Mr. Dragon a boo-boo that really stings. The dragon cuts loose and I call for breath saves all around. From under the beast comes "He can't get me, I'm under him."

    More later.

    Garry AKA --Phoenix-- Rising above the Flames.
    My favorite game console is a table and chairs.
    The Olde Phoenix Inn

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    Lol

    Ok Now I Was Dming A Pretty Decent Size Party(8 Pcs) and one of the Pcs Decides that he wants to Leave From The Party And Join The Monsters As A Spy for pcs. so i went with it and it turned out he ended up having to roll for it(cause i made him) Well All I Can Say Is This Pc Is Giant Chow Now.
    A true warrior flexes like water, burns like fire, endures like earth, and floats like the wind. With Honor, Compassion, and Loyalty A true Warrior will Prevail over all that stands in his way.

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    Greatest line ever in an issue of Dragon. It was in the "Ask the Dragon" section.

    Question:
    "What are the effects of a severed limb?"

    Answer:

    "Nothing. It just lies there."

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    LOL that is classic. What do you think the guy was asking though? Surely he knew it lies there. You think he wanted to know how it effected his PC as far as abilities went or what?

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    Oh, another one, admittedly an inexperienced player. I announce morning to the group in game.

    "Do I wake up?"

    Garry AKA --Phoenix-- Rising above the Flames.
    My favorite game console is a table and chairs.
    The Olde Phoenix Inn

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