Funny Quotes...

**Panthro82** · 07-03-2009, 11:33 AM

This thread is for all funny quotes. Can be movies, music, television, books, internet, something uttered or said in your own life or someone else' ...

"Me Fail English? That's unpossible!" -Ralph Wiggum "The Simpsons"

**Webhead** · 07-03-2009, 12:45 PM

"It's his butt that has the velocity."

"The company bananas will be kept in my office until they ripen so that David will not eat them. Thank you."

"It all comes down to sheep."

"It may be that [the guard] finds the sound of the arrow entering his body slightly suspicious."

-----

Programmer 1: "Where does the player arm come from?"

Programmer 2: "Well, there's a mommy player arm and a daddy player arm..."

Programmer 3: "...and they both love eachother very much. And the daddy player arm has a seed..."

--All quotes from the development team during the production of the PC game Thief: The Dark Project

**Arkhemedes** · 07-03-2009, 01:02 PM

Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Maxwell Smart: "Ah ha! If it isn't the Chaos agent known as the Craw!"
The Claw (an Asian man): "Not the Craw! The Craw!"

Maxwell Smart: "There are seven U.S. cruisers bearing down on your position at this very moment, would you believe it? Seven!"
"No? How about six U.S. cruisers?"
"No? How about two policemen in a rowboat?"

**Sascha** · 07-03-2009, 01:41 PM

Kermit the Frog: [on streaking] I don't see what the big deal is. I'm naked right now. I guess when you're human you have more parts to flop around.
I Love the 70s

Fozzie Bear: [from behind the stage] Psst!
Kermit the Frog: Hey, Fozzie. Is Bob Hope here yet?
Fozzie Bear: No, I'm just going out to lunch. C... can I get you anything?
Kermit the Frog: Uh, Bob Hope.
Fozzie Bear: Sorry. You'll have to settle for salami on rye.
The Muppet Show, 2.21, "Bob Hope"

(and this whole skit: too long to type out :P)

**Oldgamer** · 07-03-2009, 01:58 PM

"Gravity is a harsh mistress ... " The Tick after falling.

"Egad! A gigantic well-dressed digestive enzyme! I am in a whale!" ... again ... the Tick ... he has some of my favorite comedic lines.

**Sascha** · 07-03-2009, 02:43 PM

Burton 'Gus' Guster: You always gotta hit it right on the nose, don't you? Why couldn't I be Crockett?
Shawn Spencer: Because, Gus, you stood in front of the entire third grade class and said, "When I grow up, I want to be Phillip Michael Thomas."
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Well, you said, "I want to be the mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers."
Shawn Spencer: Dude, he's the biggest sausage in the world!
Psych, 2.5, "And Down the Stretch Comes Murder"

Shawn Spencer: A chance to go undercover in high school, a la "21 Jump Street." Obviously I'm Johnny Depp. Sadly, you can only pass for Holly Robinson.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Why can't I be Richard Grieco?
Shawn Spencer: Why would you want to be Richard Grieco?
2.7, "If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Dead?"

(really, just go watch Psych. James Roday's delivery is deadpan awesome. Hard to convey through just the text :P)

**Panthro82** · 07-03-2009, 11:57 PM

"Did everything just taste purple there for a second?" -Fry "Futurama"

**Chavic** · 07-04-2009, 10:54 AM

"I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich Mahogany" --Anchorman

**Sascha** · 07-04-2009, 11:19 AM

Guy Noir: She had a Mount Rushmore t-shirt on, and those guys never looked so good. Especially Jefferson and Lincoln. Kind of bloated but happy.

Dusty: [singing] When God created woman / He gave her not two breasts but three. / When the middle one got in the way, / God performed surgery. / Woman stood before God / With the middle breast in hand / Said,"What do we do with the useless boob?" / And God created man.

Garrison Keillor: The penguin joke? Two penguins are standing on an ice floe. The first penguin says, you look like you're wearing a tuxedo. The second penguin says, what makes you think I'm not?

All from A Prairie Home Companion.

**Panthro82** · 07-04-2009, 12:05 PM

"mmmmmmm that's good bathtub minestrone!" -Zap Brannigan "Futurama"

**traesin** · 07-05-2009, 02:55 AM

I saw this picture once of Tony Stewart(nascar driver) wearing a t-shirt that said "I failed drivers ed"

"In time of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head" M. Antoinette-From Robert Asprin's book Another Fine Myth

**Panthro82** · 07-05-2009, 11:57 AM

"Your voice is like a mixture of Fergie and Jesus!" John Reilly "Step-Brothers"

**Sascha** · 07-05-2009, 01:01 PM

Some Arrested Development:

Wife of Gob: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You’re in love with your own brother.
Wife of Gob: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael.
Wife of Gob: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You’re in love with me. Me.
Wife of Gob: NO! I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
1.20, "Whistler's Mother"

Michael: What do you think of when you hear the word, "Sudden Valley"?
George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason I don't want to eat it.
Michael: Right. But, "Paradise Gardens"?
George Michael Bluth: Yeah... Okay, I can... I can see marinating a chicken in that.
2.7, "Switch Hitter"

Michael Bluth: You seem more villainous than usual, Mom; are you sober?
Lucille: Michael, it's eight a.m.
Michael Bluth: So, it's not that.
Lucille: I don't know. Maybe it's because I went off my post-partum medication.
Michael Bluth: You were still taking that? You had Buster thirty-two years ago.
Lucille: And that's how long I've been depressed about him.
Lucille: Well, apparently, mood-altering medication leads to street drugs. That's what this very handsome young doctor said on the Today Show.
Michael Bluth: That was Tom Cruise, the actor.
Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.
3.1, "The Cabin Show"