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Frobozz

Don't say anything about his mother.

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Deep in Undermountain, my gaming group came to an apparent dead end. Garion the group ranger (real man), Dragon the group fighter (munchkin) and Ellrend the group bard (real roleplayer) were searching for secret doors. Heinrich, the group wild mage (loony), was standing around watching telling them they're all mental and Og the Destroyer (NPC) was standing in the corner picking his nose.

I'm rolling all of their search rolls behind my screen. The first ten minutes of checking the stonework, they all miss their roll, but Dragon only missed it by 1, so I decided in the interest of an interesting night (there was some wild stuff past that door), I'd toss him a clue.

Me: "Dragon, you 'think' you found a secret door, but you can't seem to figure out how to get it open."

Dragon: "Guys!! I think I found something! Check this out!"

They proceed to search his area, I give them all +1 and re-roll... the dice hated them that night.

Me: "You're pretty sure there's a door here, but you haven't a clue how to open it. You fuddle around for another ten minutes... checking around the thing, on the same wall, even on the other walls for some kind of release."

Heinrich: "You guys will never get that thing open... some dungeon crawlers you are! Let's go back to the last intersection and go down that sloping passage!"

Garion: "Oh yea?! Maybe if you weren't sitting around on your fat ass and helping us, we'd be through it by now!!"

Heinrich: "You want it open?? Watch this!"

Ellrend: "WITHOUT causing an explosion or wild surge!!"

Heinrich: "I don't need my magic, watch this... HEY OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Heinrich: *points at the wall* "That wall said something about your mother!!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! BAD WALL!!!"

Me: "Og leaps at the wall with his battle axe, begins viciously smashing at the stonework; wailing at the wall with berserker might! Stone chips are flying across the room! Anyone stopping him?"

The group just sits silently. Dave playing Heinrich folds his arms across his chest grinning in triumph

Me: "After almost TEN SOLID MINUTES, Og starts to slow from exhaustion... you see he's busted about a two-foot diameter hole in the, now apparent, secret door. Internal bands of iron serving as structural reinforcement are smashed clean through. Og is panting like an exhausted dog, the battle axe, in need of a severe sharpening barely held in his hand."

Dragon: "Is the hole big enough to squeeze through?"

Me: "Not yet"

Dragon: "OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Dragon: "That wall just said something ELSE about your mother!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! OG SMASH WALL!!! WALL NOT SAY THING ABOUT OG MAMA!!" *Og suddenly starts smashing the wall again with renewed vigor*

Ellrend: "OG! Maybe someone BEHIND the wall said something about your mother!"

Og: "RRRAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHHHH!!!!"

Me: "Og starts shouldering the wall; throwing his whole body at it, you see the whole structure of the poor secret door crumble. Suddenly he headbutts it and there's a massive CLANG as his helmet makes contact. He stumbles back dizzy and falls over onto his back. The door creeks open."

Heinrich: "Good job Og! That wall won't say bad things about your mother anymore!"

Og: "Og lie down here a while..."

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