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Cardboard Tube Knight

Loot Only When Appropriate

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
Watched Knowing the other night interesting flick and pretty good. But I noticed something that I have seen a lot of in destruction films. Namely Cloverfield and one of those shitty Day of Destruction Earthquake things. In these movies people always loot when the news breaks what's going on. Now I get the appeal of looting, there's free shit, you're out with friends, and you get to throw bricks through windows. Who doesn't want to loot? And if you know that 2/3rds of the way through the film that the aliens will level the city, no one is going to miss a couple of wide screen Samsungs and that Mac Book Pro.

The problem is that people in movies seem to loot when its not a good time too. So I have decided to outline the right and wrong times to loot. Let's break it down by the nature of the crisis.

Zombie Attack: Totally a looting occasion, Zombies are slow, they are often unable to work doors and other simple apparatus and the cops will too busy fighting off the undead to actually stop you. One thing, don't hold up inside of the mall, this might seem like the best idea, but if you stay in the mall you're pretty trapped and this always turns out badly in movies and video games.

Giant Monster Attack: This is a no go on the looting, giant monsters cover too much ground too quickly and while you're carrying out that DVD collection you always wanted he could roll up on you and knock the entire street down. Also too many giant monsters attract the military and other giant monsters. Some of them have beam weapons and other stuff and it can get pretty bad.

Alien Attack: Aliens are smart and most often want to violently destroy us without reason. Thank God that Hollywood has taught us this! Since Alien weapons come in all kinds of varieties this is kind of up to you. If its the ones from War of the Worlds, the worst thing you can do is be in a crowd, they love that. So if the people are looting, don't. But if everyone is running the other way, you are go for snatch and grab...besides it will be too busy picking them off to notice you carrying the blu ray player.

Super Volcano: What are you stupid? Have you ever seen the speed that a Volcano can erupt at? You better keep your ass at home--far from the city.

Massive Global Warming...Cooling...that thing from Day After Tomorrow: Because this movie hardly made sense, there's not really evidence of what we should do. I would say go for the looting if you're not north or west of Texas because that's where the majority of the shit will go down.

Super Earthquake: Only loot in Earthquake safe buildings...possibly wearing a hard hat.

Nuclear Holocaust: You're the last one left or one of them? Your house better look like the show room at Best Buy and there should be more cars in your yard than some small dealerships have. This goes for any last people left on Earth incidents.

Super Solar Flare: Why are you stealing, you're going to be dead in like a matter of hours? Seriously think when you loot, don't take stuff you won't ever get to use and in this case you never would get to use it.

I'd like to remind everyone that you should be courteous: don't steal more than you need. Share: if someone needs to use a cinder block, let them, and then retrieve it and use it again. Don't forget to steal weapons and ammunition this only applies when the threat is appropriate. And most importantly AIM HIGH: what the **** are you driving out of there? A Ford Focus? Put that shit back and find a nice Ferrari or Bentley.

Well that's all...happy looting and if you have any other giant disaster occasions, tell me and I will get them up.

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  1. kirksmithicus's Avatar
    Too funny!
  2. Farcaster's Avatar
    I missed this when it was first posted. That's bloody awesome!
  3. snickers_nick's Avatar
    Do we loot if transformers energon cubes come down from cybertron