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Basic Roleplaying System: Deadworld Session Three

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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

(After playing the Basic Roleplaying System original setting “Deadworld” with Kaitlyn, Seikotash, and Tabitha Friday, August 21, 2015, from 7 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.)

Lisa Bennet was a fitness education major at Appalachian State University. She was 20 years old and wanted to be a personal trainer. She was average-looking with blonde hair and blue eyes. She stood about 5’2” and was very slim. She wore tennis shorts and a t-shirt. She was secretly part of a small, obscure cult with three followers. She had read of terrible things to happen to the world and participated in some nasty acts that she didn’t want anyone to know about.

Daniel Fipps went by the YouTube nom de plume “Fatty McFatty” on a channel he played World of Warcraft and Defense of the Ancients on. He was 6’1” and weighed 240 pounds, very little of it muscle. He had brown hair, a soul patch, and a scraggly beard but no mustache. He was not in very good shape.

At age 24, Fipps still lived with his mother and worked at Radio Shack at the Boone Mall but spent all of his money on video games because he wanted to get up in the world and was sure his YouTube channel would be taking off soon. He had about 1,000 YouTube subscribers though only 20 videos on his channel and was uploading on a weekly basis. He’d gone to college for a while but it wasn’t his thing. He was learning the python programming language because it was, as he put it, “the wave of the future.” He wore cargo pants and a black shirt with a My Little Pony on it “because that’s what the real men wear.”

Bennet and Fipps had gone to high school together, she just starting when he was a senior. She only barely knew him and then they ran into each other again in Boone. He had asked the girl out to his senior prom but she had turned him down, even though he had let her cheat off him in Health class.

Fredrick McFluffilstein was Scottish man standing 5’4” tall. His 180 pounds was all muscle, mainly because he participated in the Highland games “like real men.” He had shoulder-length, curly red hair pulled into a pony tail and a bushy red beard. He would have been amazingly attractive were it not for a thick scar that ran from over his left eye across his face and down all the way to the right side of his jaw. He was 28 years old and a bouncer at The Local, a bar on Howard Street.

He had run into the other two at The Local. He had had a talk with Bennet one night when she tried to order alcohol though she was underage. Fipps had gone to the place one night to play Magic: The Gathering but his friends had gotten rowdy and it was McFluffilstein who had kicked them out.

On Tuesday, July 21, 2015, the three of them happened to be Trash Can Falls. All three had come separately, but when McFluffilstein had shown them his cooler full of beer and bottles of whiskey, asking them to join him for a few drinks, they both accepted. They drank for several hours with the man, until well after dark, and lost track of time. Everyone else had left by about 11 p.m. Music was playing on the radio in McFluffilstein’s Prius and the three were hanging out, still a little buzzed. Both of the others had changed out of their swimsuits, Miss Bennet putting her clothing on over hers. McFluffilstein wore only a kilt and boots.

A large meteor plummeted out of the sky in the direction of Boone. It struck the ground somewhere miles away with a flash. Several seconds later, they could barely hear the report of the strike.

“Meteor!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “From Final Fantasy VII, man! Sephiroth!”

“Calm yer tits, mon,” McFluffilstein said. “I’m gonna go investigate that meteor. We’ll take my car.”

“We’ll take your car!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “‘Cause that’s a great idea! Go find the comet! Sephiroth, man!”

“Save the environment!” McFluffilstein said.

“Sure, why not?” Fipps said.

“My Scotland Yard stuff is in the back,” McFluffilstein said as they got into his car. “Don’t mind it.”

“Scotland Yard is in England, man,” Fipps said.

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein said.

“I think he’s faking,” Miss Bennet whispered to Fipps as they went around to the passenger side of the car.

Fipps jumped into the front passenger seat.

“Shotgun!” he said, rubbing his nose.

“What? Miss Bennet thought. “Rude.”

“I’m bigger than you,” Fipps said. “I won’t fit in the back.”

They headed for Boone, leaving Miss Bennet’s Honda Civic and Fipps’ Subaru Forrester there and planning on picking them up later. They passed through Sugar Grove and Vilas. McFluffilstein, guessing the meteor had fallen on the Blowing Rock side of Boone, took the 105 Bypass to the south side of town, taking a left onto 105. They noticed cars just stopped on the four-lane street, sitting in the middle of the road. McFluffilstein slowed down.

“Boone traffic,” Miss Bennet said. “Must be move-in day.”

“No it’s not,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “That’s not for another, like, month.”

McFluffilstein stopped behind a car just sitting in the passing lane in front of the Ingles Parking Lot. He laid on the horn.

“Get outta m’ way!” he shouted. “I’m on a mission!”

“Did moving day, like, happen earlier than usual?” Fipps asked, rubbing his nose.

“I have a tissue in th’ console if ye need it,” McFluffilstein said.

“Oh, it’s just a nervous tic,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

McFluffilstein could see the silhouette of someone in the car moving around.

“We need t’ go check on that person,” he said. “Who’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ around.”

“In which car, man?” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“That one!” McFluffilstein said, pointing out the car ahead of them.

Fipps unbuckled his seat belt and climbed out of the Prius with a groan.

“You’re too scrawny of a man!” McFluffilstein said to him.

“I’m bigger than you!” Fipps said to him. “I can sit on you!”

“You may be fatter, but I’m sure I can lift ye,” McFluffilstein said.

“I’m not denying that,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“Hey, we get it,” Miss Bennet said. “Both of you are big. You don’t need to take out your dicks and compare. Can we just, like, go?”

“If I do take out my dick, as you so put it−” McFluffilstein said.

“Oh my God,” Miss Bennet said, rolling her eyes.

“−I would win … the contest!” McFluffilstein finished.

“Oh no,” Miss Bennet said.

“For biggest inflated ego,” Fipps quipped.

“Shut up, you!” McFluffilstein said. “All right, let’s go after that guy!”

He got out of the car. Miss Bennet got out of the back seat on the passenger side and followed the two men as they walked towards the stopped car.

“You stay in the car!” Fipps said to her, rubbing his nose. “We need someone to get a quick getaway.”

“No,” she said.

“Get in the front!” Fipps said.

McFluffilstein noticed someone wandering around in the Ingles parking lot who looked very drunk, stumbling around without purpose.

“Hey, you drunkard!” he called to the man. “What’re ye doing?”

The man stopped and looked his way and then started to shamble his direction.

“Oh no,” McFluffilstein said to Fipps. “I saw this movie!”

“Shaun of the Dead, right?” Fipps said.

“Shaun of the Dead!” McFluffilstein said, rubbing his nose. “That’s m’ favorite!”

The both started singing some bit of music from the movie.

“Yeah!” McFluffilstein said.

Miss Bennet just laughed at the two idiots. She looked past them at the car they were behind and saw that whoever was in the driver’s seat was reaching out the window and flailing both arms.

“Are they drunk?” Fipps said of the man stumbling towards them from Ingles. “Or are they just kind of recreating Shaun of the Dead, man?”

“Damn!” McFluffilstein said. “It’s like Tuesday night! Hey dude! Dude!”

The man just stared at him as he continued to slowly approach.

“Dude!” McFluffilstein said again.

“Hey man, bro!” Fipps said. “What’s up?”

The man didn’t answer but continued to walk their way. Fipps went over to the car. That’s when he saw the man reaching out of the window. Fipps slapped the car.

“Dude!” he said to the man.

“Dude!” McFluffilstein said at the same time to the man in the parking lot.

“Dude, stop!” Fipps said.

“Didn’t you say that movie was about zombies?” Miss Bennet asked, getting nervous.

“Shaun of the Dead, yeah,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “It’s about zombies!”

“What’s wrong with you, dude?” McFluffilstein called to the man in the parking lot. Then he turned to Miss Bennet. “Oh my God, have you seen it!?!”

“It’s like Dawn of the Dead, man,” Fipps said to her, rubbing his nose. “It’s, like, not even real.”

“Why are you trying to attract the attention of potential zombies?” she said.

She was feeling a little unnerved because when Fipps turned to talk to her, the person flailing their arms out of the window reached for him. He was too far away, however.

“Zombies are just in movies!” McFluffilstein said.

“Zombies aren’t real,” Fipps said.

“Zombies are just fake!” McFluffilstein said.

“Maybe you should just, like, …” Miss Bennet said, staring at the arms in horror.

Fipps turned back to the driver and then stepped back when he saw the man trying to reach him.

“Shit, man!” he said, rubbing his nose. “What is … that!?!”

“Cool down!” McFluffilstein said.

“You know, I−” Miss Bennet said.

“Are you having a seizure, man?” Fipps asked the man in the car.

“Dude!” McFluffilstein said.

“If you−” Miss Bennet said.

“Call 119!” McFluffilstein said. “Call 119!”

“911, man!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“Sorry, I’m from Scotland!” McFluffilstein said.

“He’s having a seizure!” Fipps said again.

“Hey, idiots!” Miss Bennet said. “You said this was like a zombie movie.”

“Shaun of the Dead,” Fipps said, turning his back on the flailing man in the car again. “But it’s a comedy zombie movie.”

“Shaun of the Dead,” McFluffilstein said. “It’s a British comedy.”

“Yeah, but if it’s happening in real life …” she said.

“They’re just drunk!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“They’re just drunk!” McFluffilstein said.

“I don’t think so!” she cried out.

The man in the parking lot reached the edge of the street.

“You know, we should probably leave, because they don’t seem like they’re sane,” Miss Bennet said.

“Hey, dude!” McFluffilstein said. “Dude!”

“If you say it’s like a movie, don’t go towards it!” Miss Bennet yelled.

“Dude!” McFluffilstein said.

“Stop!” she said.

“There’s nothing wrong with him!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

McFluffilstein walked to the man.

“Dude!” he yelled in the man’s face.

“Man, if you’re stoning or something, you should get off that,” Fipps said conversationally.

Miss Bennet had enough. She climbed into the driver’s seat of McFluffilstein’s Prius. The man near McFluffilstein opened his mouth and lunged at him.

“Dude!” McFluffilstein screamed.

“Man! He’s trying to eat you!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “He’s like that guy in Florida! You better run Fredrick! Get your ass in the car! We need to get the **** out of here!”

“They’re probably on bath salts!” Miss Bennet yelled.

Miss Bennet found she didn’t even have to adjust the car seat. Though he bulged with muscles, McFluffilstein was not much taller than she was. Fipps ran to the car and leapt into the front passenger seat, pulling the door closed. He left the back door on the passenger side open.

“Get him Fredrick!” Fipps yelled.

McFluffilstein punched the man in the face. It was no more than a glancing blow but it didn’t even seem to distract the man, who tried to bite him though the Scotsman pushed him off. He kept coming at the man. It was terrifying. McFluffilstein also noticed several other people were in the parking lot. He didn’t know why he hadn’t seen them before. Maybe they had been lying down behind the cars.

“Get in the car!” Fipps called.

Miss Bennet put the Prius in gear.

“No!” Fipps said. “You can’t leave Fredrick! It’s his car!”

She pushed lightly on the accelerator and started to pull away.

“The door’s open, man!” Fipps yelled.

“Guys!” McFluffilstein called after them. “Guys! You’re such ****ing *******s! *******s!”

“Okay, bye!” Miss Bennet said from inside the car. “I’ve read of things in our legends!”

She slowly pulled the car around the left side of the vehicle stopped in the road ahead. There was a bang as the open passenger side door hit the other car, got scraped, and slammed shut. McFluffilstein looked over his shoulder long enough to see the minor accident.

“You son of a *****!” he screamed.

“Dude, can you just like … stop for 10 seconds and let him in?” Fipps said to Miss Bennet. “He’s got the guns. We don’t have nothing.”

“But we have a car,” Miss Bennet said with a smile.

“The guns!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

* * *

Outside, McFluffilstein grabbed the man who was trying to bite him. The man tried to break free.

* * *

In the car, Fipps tried to convince Bennet to run over the zombie McFluffilstein was fighting. She continued to drive slowly away.

“Looks, he’s gone,” she said.

“No, he’s still there,” Fipps said.

“Look, he’s gone,” she said again. “He’ll be okay.”

“No!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “Dammit. He has the guns!”

He grabbed the steering wheel.

“Oh no!” Miss Bennet said.

She managed to keep the car going in a straight line though they ended up in the right lane. They passed the Ingles entrance.

Bye, Miss Bennet thought.

* * *

McFluffilstein tried to pick up the man and throw him but he was too heavy. Then the man broke free of his grip.

* * *

“Lisa!” Fipps yelled at the woman.

He grabbed the handbrake and pulled it up. The car ground to a halt as the wheels locked.

“This is his car!” Fipps said to her. “You’ve got bad Karma on you! This will make you fail Fallout!”

“He’s being eaten!” she replied.

“He’s not even−!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“He’s dead now!” Miss Bennet said.

Then something hit the car.

* * *

McFluffilstein turned and ran to the stopped car. He noticed more and more people were standing up in the parking lot. He jumped onto the top of the car, grabbing the roof as best he could and pounding on it.

* * *

When the two in the car heard someone beating on the roof they stopped arguing.

“I don’t care!” Fipps cried. “Drive! Drive!”

Miss Bennet floored the accelerator but the parking brake was still on as they jerked forward. She reached over and threw it down. The car leapt ahead, McFluffilstein holding onto the car as best he could. The Prius roared down 105, Miss Bennet accelerating well past the speed limit of 35 miles per hour. She weaved through cars sitting in the lanes.

“My mom’s house,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“**** no!” Miss Bennet said.

“What is wrong with my mom!?!” Fipps said.

“I can’t believe you live at your mom’s house!” Miss Bennet said.

“Guys! Guys!” McFluffilstein yelled.

“I have the whole basement,” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“My house!” McFluffilstein cried. “My house!”

“Oh my god!” Fipps screamed. “It’s a zombie!”

Miss Bennet put the accelerator to the floor and the needle on the speedometer slid over 60.

“My house!” McFluffilstein screamed.

They were passing the Dodge dealership and Miss Bennet swerved around another stopped car. She overcompensated and hit the right curve. With a crash, the car leapt several feet into the air. McFluffilstein felt himself lifted off the roof and then slammed back down onto it as the car crashed into the shoulder. The front of the car spun to the right as all three of them screamed. The car spun in a circle and Fipps grabbed the parking brake again. The Prius hit another stopped car in the opposite lane, glanced off it, and spun around twice more before it came to a halt in the road. A loud bang came from under the car.

As they came to a stop, something slid down onto the windshield and the hood of the car. It was a man wearing a kilt.

“Dude! Dude!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “It’s Fredrick!”

“Okay! Okay!” Miss Bennet said.

“Get out of the−!” McFluffilstein growled.

“Noooo!” Miss Bennet said.

“Get out of the driver seat!” he said again.


“Get out of−!”

“Noooo! Get in the car!”

“Get out of−!”

“Get in the car!”

“Just get in the car, man!” Fipps said.

“Get in the car!” Miss Bennet said.

Both Miss Bennet and McFluffilstein saw people walking towards the car from either side.

“Ah!” Miss Bennet cried. “Get in the car! Run run run! Aaaah!”

“Ye drive like an idiot!” McFluffilstein said.

Miss Bennet continued to squeal and McFluffilstein got into the back seat. As soon as he was in, Miss Bennet put down the parking brake and drove, leaving the people behind. The wheel pulled hard to the left and the car drove unevenly, leaning down on the left side.

“Shit,” she said.

“Ye broke m’ car!” McFluffilstein said. “Ye moron!”

It felt like the right front tire was flat. Miss Bennet continued to drive anyway.

“My mom’s house, man!” Fipps said.

“No, I don’t know where your mom’s house is!” Miss Bennet said.

“Let’s go to Wal-Mart!” McFluffilstein said. “It has guns!”

“You’re a bright man!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “I saw this in a movie. Raid it.”

“They got guns!” McFluffilstein said. “We got supplies!”

Miss Bennet drove them to the intersection of 105 and Blowing Rock Road in a panic. When they reached the intersection, it looked like there had been an accident. Several cars simply sat at the stoplights regardless of whether they were red or green. A car on Blowing Rock road heading north had its left front headlight crumpled and broken and it had apparently rolled back into the car behind it. An Audi sedan sat in the southbound lane, blocking it. The left front headlight and hood of that car was damaged as well, as if the Audi had struck the other car nearly head-on. Tire marks on the road seemed to support the fact the Audio had struck the car and spun out. The driver’s side door was open and the car was running.

They were seeing many more people but all of them looked pretty drunk, shambling around and stumbling on the sidewalk and the even in the street. They noticed whenever they drove by anyone, they turned to look at the car and walked towards it.

“Wal-Mart! Wal-Mart! Wal-Mart! Wal-Mart! Wal-Mart!” McFluffilstein chanted.

Miss Bennet slammed on the brakes of the car, pulling it to a halt. She turned in the seat and looked at the others.

“We need to make a sacrifice!” she said.

“It’s your turn!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“No!” Miss Bennet said.

“I vote for the small girl!” McFluffilstein said.

“I can’t do it!” she said. “I need to sing the hymn. I need to sing the hymn. We need to make a sacrifice.
They will be happy. They will be happy. You!”

She pointed at McFluffilstein.

“What type of bullshit is she talking about?” Fipps said.

“You!” Miss Bennet said again.

“I’m the one that can protect ye!” McFluffilstein said.

“Him!” she said, pointing at Fipps.

“Okay!” McFluffilstein said.

“No way, man!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“Him!” Miss Bennet said again. “Push him out! Push him out! Push him out!”

“Huh-uh!” Fipps said.

She started shoving on Fipps. When she realized he was buckled in she reached for the buckle but he quickly covered it up.

“Help me!” she said to McFluffilstein.

“Huh-uh!” Fipps said again. “She’s crazy! She’s crazy!”

“Hey!” McFluffilstein said. “Let’s go t’ my apartment! I have guns!”

“Who lives in an apartment, man?” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“Weapons,” McFluffilstein said.

“I don’t know where the hell his apartment is!” Miss Bennet said. “We need a sacrifice!”

“Hey!” McFluffilstein said again. “Take a left.”

“Sacrifice to appease them!” Miss Bennet said.

“Left!” McFluffilstein said.

“You’re crazy!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “Stop it!”

“We need−!” Miss Bennet said.

“LEFT!” McFluffilstein screamed.

“Fine, fine!” Miss Bennet said. “Can we make the sacrifice at your house?”

“No!” Fipps said.

“I think I have a goldfish!” McFluffilstein said.

“We need human blood!” she said.

“Dude!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“I think I have my x-wife’s phone number!” McFluffilstein said.

“Dude, I’m telling you! No!” Fipps said again.

The conversation stopped for just a moment and McFluffilstein thought he heard a baby crying somewhere.

Let’s leave it, he thought.

“Left turn!” he said loudly to drown out the sound from the others. “Left turn! Left turn! Left turn!”

Miss Bennet turned left onto Blowing Rock Road towards Appalachian State University.

“Why are we going towards King Street!?!” Miss Bennet said. “Do you know how many of those ****ers’ll be there!?!”

More and more people were on the sidewalks and wandering in the street as they got closer to the college.

“My apartment has … all the things we need to survive this,” McFluffilstein insisted. “I have guns.”

“What, goldfish?” Miss Bennet said.

“I have guns,” McFluffilstein said again. “I have−”

“Goons?” Miss Bennet said. “What are goons?”

“Guns,” McFluffilstein said. He had a very thick accent.

“What the **** are goons?” Miss Bennet said.

“Guns!” McFluffilstein said.

“Guns!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

Miss Bennet had looked back at McFluffilstein, confused by his accent. When she looked forward again, a man was directly in the road ahead. The car slammed into the man, who came up over the windshield, smashing against it in a burst of blood and gore.

“****!” McFluffilstein cried out.

“Lisa!” Fipps yelled. “What is wrong with you!?!”

“He was there!” Miss Bennet shrieked.

She whined in a high-pitched squeal of terror and horror. Fipps started to shriek as well.

“Calm yer tits!” McFluffilstein shouted.

“Calm yer tits!” Fipps shouted.

“Calm yer tits!” McFluffilstein shouted.

“Calm yer tits!” Fipps shouted.

“Are ye Scottish now!?!”

“Are ye Scottish now!?!”

“What’re ye doin’?”

“What’re ye doin’?”

Miss Bennet pushed down on the accelerator, driving faster.

“Are ye repeatin’ my question?” McFluffilstein shouted.

“Are ye repeatin’ my question?” Fipps shouted.

“What the ****!?!” McFluffilstein shouted.

“What the ****!?!” Fipps shouted.

“Oi don’t like this!” McFluffilstein shouted.

“Oi don’t like this!” Fipps shouted.

McFluffilstein screamed and Fipps did as well. Miss Bennet continued to drive faster and faster as the two men screamed at each other, Fipps repeating everything McFluffilstein said. They roared past River Street but, as Miss Bennet could not see clearly out of the windshield due to the blood, as Blowing Rock Road curved to the right, she kept going straight.

“Stop it!” McFluffilstein said.

“Stop it!” Fipps said.

“You son of a *****!” McFluffilstein said.

“You son of a *****!” Fipps said.

“I’ll cut ye!”

“I’ll cut ye!”

“Yer really pissin’ me off!”

“Yer really pissin’ me off!”

“I will - wooo!”

“I will - wooo!”

There was a loud bang as the front of the car lifted up when they hit the curb at the corner of Dauph Blan Street and Blowing Rock Road. They roared across the grass on the other side of the curb to a deep ditch that ran across the spot, Miss Bennet not slowing down at all. The car smashed into the ditch and everyone was flung forward.

“Oh my God!” Fipps said.

Everyone was wearing seatbelts except for Miss Bennet. The airbags deployed. Both Miss Bennet and Fipps were burned by the hot airbags as the powder they were packed in filled up the interior of the automobile. The car stalled and they heard water rushing below them somewhere. They sat there, stunned for about a minute.

“All right, guys,” McFluffilstein muttered. “All right.”

“Where’s the white mage when you need it?” Fipps groaned, rubbing his nose.

“I think … I think we can make it to The Local where I have a gun in my locker,” McFluffilstein said.

“A gun in your locker, man?” Fipps said.

“I’m a bouncer!” McFluffilstein said. “If anything happens−!”

“Dude, it’s illegal!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“No, it’s not!” McFluffilstein said. “I have a concealed carry license!”

“What is wrong … oh my God!”

“Shut up!”

“This is gaming shit! This is the real world. What the … no!”

“Shut up!”


McFluffilstein opened the driver’s side door in the back.

“We need to make a sacrifice,” Miss Bennet said again.

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein screamed at her.

“No!” Fipps said to her.

“We need to!” Miss Bennet said.

“Enough with the sacrifice shit!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“We need to!” Miss Bennet said again.

“Enough with your Goth crap!”

“They want blood!”

“Stop with your Goth crap!”

“They want blood!”

“Stop with your Goth crap!”

“I’ve studied this!”

“Dude, blood?”

“Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!”

“Oh God!”

“Stop!” McFluffilstein screamed.

He climbed out and his feet slid out from under him and he fell to the ground, sliding down under the open car door and into the creek at the bottom of the ditch. He started to climb out immediately.

“Dude,” Fipps said. “We can’t stay here anymore.”

He flung open the car door and carefully climbed out but also slipped, grabbing hold of the door but sliding down a little way. It was very muddy.

Miss Bennet climbed out of her side of the car and up to the level ground. There were some people wandering their way, possibly to help after hearing the car crash. Unfortunately, they all looked drunk and stumbled and shambled towards the car.

They’re probably not here to help, she thought.

The other two men climbed out of the muddy ditch. Miss Bennet slipped a multitool out of her pocket and opened up the knife blade, then made her way towards Fipps, who was pulling himself to his feet.

“Oh my God, Fredrick!” he cried. “She’s got a knife!”

“Crazy!” McFluffilstein shouted back. “Crazy woman!” Then he whispered: “I like it.”

Fipps ran away from Miss Bennet as McFluffilstein climbed up on the driver’s side. Fipps continued screaming for Fredrick, yelling she had a knife and was crazy, and ran in a large circle as Miss Bennet followed him saying “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No!” he cried.

“Calm down,” she said. “It’s okay.”

“You dummies!” McFluffilstein called. “We have t’ cut through the college and get t’ The Local!”

“I want to talk to you!” Miss Bennet called to Fipps as she ran after him. “I just want to talk to you!”

“No!” Fipps said, throwing Magic: The Gathering cards at the woman. “Take it! Take it! All of it!”

“I just want to talk to you!” she said. “I just want to talk to you!”

“No, leave me alone!” he cried.

“I just want to talk to you!” she insisted. “It’s okay!”

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein screamed.

Fipps had run in a wide circle and ended up by McFluffilstein again.

“No!” Fipps said to the woman. “No!”

“Lower it down!” McFluffilstein said. “Stop being a pansy. Let’s go.”

“It’s fine,” Miss Bennet said. “I just want to talk to you.”

“No!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“I want to talk to you,” she said again. “It’s cool. Like, …”

“I thought you were cool in high school but no!” he said. “Just no!”

“I just want to talk to you, though,” she said soothingly. “It’s okay.”

“No!” he said again.

“Hey, put the knife away,” McFluffilstein said as she approached. “Put the knife away.”

“No no no,” she replied. “It’s okay. It’s perfectly fine. It’s not a real knife.”

“No!” Fipps said.

“It’s fake,” she said.

“She’s lying!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “She’s crazy! She’s not as cool as I thought she was! No!”

“No, it’s okay,” she said. “It really is.”

He growled.

“I just want to talk to you,” she said.

“Guys, look at that!” McFluffilstein said.

He pointed to the large group of people walking slowly towards them.

“We need to go away from that,” he said.

“No, really, that’s why I want to talk to him,” she said.

“No!” Fipps replied, rubbing his nose.

“That’s why - let me just talk to him,” she said.

“No more Goth-emo shit!” Fipps said.

“Help me talk to him,” Miss Bennet said to McFluffilstein.

“Put. The knife. Away,” McFluffilstein said.

She did so, putting it into her pocketbook.

“Thank you!” he said.

“Can I talk to him now?” she asked, as she put her hand into her pocketbook with the knife.

“We can talk while we go that way!” McFluffilstein said.

“Can I talk to him now?” she asked. “Is it okay?”

“Hand out of the pocketbook!” McFluffilstein said.

Fipps was breathing heavily in terror.

“Can I talk to him?” she asked again.

“We’re walking,” McFluffilstein said. “Ye c’n talk to him. We’re walking that way!”

He pointed down Locust Street towards Plemmons Student Union.

“Dude, dude!” Fipps said. “Why don’t we just steal and Applecart or something? They’re always plugged up.”

“Okay,” Miss Bennet said sweetly. “We can talk about it later.”

“Crazy lady with the hot face!” McFluffilstein said. “Over here.”

He thought it arousing to threaten people with a knife. It was his one fetish.

“You’re not cool!” Fipps muttered, rubbing his nose.

They headed up the street, passing East Residence Hall and Sanford Hall. McFluffilstein noted they were heading for Howard Street, where The Local was located.

“I know where it is, man!” Fipps said. “Magic. The Mana Spot?”

He rubbed his nose and sniffed.

“Just … shut up!” McFluffilstein said.

As they approached Sanford Mall, they heard someone singing up ahead. Fipps was too nervous to notice as there were still many people around, stumbling from one place to another. Some seemed to notice them and walked slowly towards them. He also watched Miss Bennet very closely.

“Wild Thing!” the drunken voice ahead sang. “You make my heart swing! You make everything … groovy! Yeah!”

“Woo!” McFluffilstein called.

They heard confused talking as well and guessed it was at least two people. They soon spotted two young men standing by one of the statues out on the mall. They had stopped singing. Some of the dead started walking their direction. The two men looked like they were college students.

“Sacrifice them!” Fipps hissed at Miss Bennet.

She realized she knew the two young men. It was Kurt Leonard and Joshua Lemmons, a couple of nice guys. Kurt was a junior while Joshua was a sophomore. She had a class with each of them and thought they were both from South Carolina. The two were close friends and called themselves L&L or El and El as they both had last names began with the letter “L.” They thought it was cool. It wasn’t.

“Kill ‘em,” Fipps whispered, rubbing his nose.

“No!” Miss Bennet said.

“What should we do?” McFluffilstein said.

“No!” Miss Bennet said again.

“What should we do?” McFluffilstein said again.

“Oh, I know those guys,” Miss Bennet said. “Those guys were in my Gen-Ed, like, freshman year.”

“You remember them but not me?” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “Kill ‘em.”

“No no, they’re okay,” Miss Bennet said. “They’re okay.”

“Let’s sing Dixie,” one of them said.

“There’s a yellow rose in Texas!” the other started singing.

Miss Bennet headed over to the two while McFluffilstein picked up a nearby sandwich board advertising a concert or movie or something and headed over as well.

“Hey, do you have …” Miss Bennet said when she got there.

“Hey!” one of them said to her.

“Hey!” she said again.

She realized they were both extremely drunk. They stank of marijuana and there was an open Coleman cooler on the ground with several empty beer bottles around it.

“Do you want to help me out?” she asked.

“What’s yer name?” one of them asked.

“I’m Lisa,” she said.

“Lisa!” he said. “I’m sorry! I forgot!”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Yer so stupid, El!” the other one said.

“Shut up, El!” the first said.

They both giggled.

“Hey, do you wanna, like, help me out though?” she asked. “I need a little help.”

“Iunno,” one said. “Yeah. Whatta ya need?”

“I need−” she started to say.

“Somethin’ happened!” the other El suddenly said. “Did you see the meteor?”

“I did!” she said.

“That came down?” he went on. “It hit over there …”

He pointed to the southeast.

“I need your help for that,” she said. “Something bad’ll happen if you don’t help me.”

“Wha?” El said.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Wha?” other El said. “Like what? What’s gonna happen?”

“Well, you’ll probably die,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah!” El said. “They been acting weird ever since. We saw it hit and … and everybody fell down. They all fell down.”

“Yeah, really?” she said.

“But we didn’t fall down,” El went on.

“You didn’t fall down?” she said.

“No … uh … hold on,” El said.

He turned away and vomited violently into the grass.

“Oh damn,” he said.

“Lawsy,” McFluffilstein said.

“Whew!” El said.

“Sacrifice them,” Fipps hissed at Miss Bennet. “Sacrifice them to your gods!”

She looked over at him and McFluffilstein.

“I’m sorry,” El muttered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Miss Bennet said. “It’s okay.”

McFluffilstein walked over with the sandwich board on his shoulder.

“Are you guys okay with, like, laying down?” she asked. “Is that … is that okay?”

“No!” the other El said.

“You can’t lay down?” she asked.

“No, these people are crazy!” he said. “We’ve had to relocate four times. These people keep, like, walking over. They want beers or something.”

“No no no,” she said. “They’ll be fine. They’re far away.”

“They want beers or something,” the other El said again.

“No, just lay down,” she said. “Just for a minute. It’s okay.”

“Boys,” McFluffilstein said. “Boys.”

“Just let her do it,” Fipps hissed at him.

“Hey, who’re you?” one of the Els asked.

“I work at the Local, you might have seen me,” McFluffilstein said. “I recognize you−”

“Shut up!” Miss Bennet said to him. “Sh!”

“He’s got a kilt on!” the other El said. “He’s cool!”

“Exactly,” McFluffilstein said. “C’n you tell me …”

“Just tell them to lay down,” Miss Bennet said.

“C’n ye tell me where the meteor struck again?” McFluffilstein said.

They pointed vaguely over Sanford Hall in the direction of Wendy’s, McFluffilstein guessed.

“Hey El!” one of them said.

“What, El?” the other replied.

“They’re comin’ and they’re gonna try to take our beer again,” El said. “We’re gonna have ta move again.”

“Wait,” McFluffilstein said.

“What?” El said.

“How about this?” McFluffilstein said. “Why don’t I give y’ this?”

He took out a little airplane bottle of Scotch whiskey. That got the two youths attention immediately.

“Why don’ y’ go back to yer dorms?” McFluffilstein said. “And I’ll give y’ this.”

“No no no,” Miss Bennet said. “Make them lay down.”

“Just let her do it!” Fipps hissed.

“Okay!” El said.

“Make them lay down!” Miss Bennet said. “Make them lay down! Can you guys lay down!”

El took the bottle.

“We’ll go back to our dorm, Mr. British man,” El said. “What?”

“Make sure you avoid all of the crazy people, ‘cause …” McFluffilstein said.

“They’re crazy?” one of the Els said.

“Before you go, lay down!” Fipps said.

“Lay down,” Miss Bennet said.

“Don’t listen to them,” McFluffilstein said.

“Lay down!” Miss Bennet said again.

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein said.

“Lay down! No!” Miss Bennet said. “You shut up!”

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein said again.

“You shut up!” she said.

“They’re the conservatives,” McFluffilstein said. “The crazy people walking around: they’re conservatives.”

“What?” El said.

“I like Bernie Sanders,” the other El said. “‘Cause he’s, like, a Jew, and I like Jews. I dated a Jew once.”

“Hey,” McFluffilstein said.

“Wha?” one of the Els said.

“If they get to you, they’re going to start talking about how Donald Trump should be president,” McFluffilstein said. “You don’t want that. You don’t want that at all.”

“He wears a wig, right?” one of the Els said.

“Could you lay down?” Miss Bennet suddenly said.

“Wha?” one of the Els said.

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein said.

Fipps was a little confused. Every single person they’d seen had seemed to be straight out of Dawn of the Dead except for the two drunk college students. It didn’t make any sense.

“What were you doing when you saw the meteor?” he asked the two.

“God, I was so wasted!” one of the Els said with a laugh. “We … we found some … we got all this Mary Jane and … El here …”

“Yeah El!” the other El said.

“Yeah El!” the first one said. “He said ‘Let’s do Mary Jane AND drink a bunch of beers.’ And now we got this - this whiskey, and - and then we c’n drink ‘em both and - and drink the beers and smoke the weed and … are you a cop? You have to tell me if you’re a cop.”

“I’m not a cop,” Fipps said.

“All right,” El said. “You’ve gotta tell me if you’re a cop.”

“No!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“Lay down,” Miss Bennet said again.

“Wait, Fredrick, we were drinking!” Fipps said.

“Go home!” McFluffilstein said to them.

“I’m dating somebody, Lisa!” one of the Els said to Miss Bennet.

“No no,” she replied. “Just lay down.”

McFluffilstein roared at Fipps and Miss Bennet, causing the Els to jump back in fear.

“Why d’n’t y’ go home, alright?” he said to the Els.

“All right,” one of them said. “What’s wrong with all these people?”

“They’re conservatives,” McFluffilstein lied again. “And they don’t believe in your stupid−”

“Stupid?” El said. “We’re not−”

“They’re gonna arrest you for weed!” Fipps said.

“Shit, let’s go!” El said.

“Avoid them!” Fipps said.

“No no, just lay down!” Miss Bennet said.

“Shut up!” McFluffilstein said.

The two young men grabbed their cooler and ran away.

“You have to know what to say to these people!” Fipps said, nervously eyeing the group of people stumbling towards them.

“Why didn’t you tell them to lay down?” Miss Bennet asked McFluffilstein.

“Because!” he said. “Your stupid, ****ing sacrifice idea will get−”

“No no!” she said. “That wasn’t what I was going to do at all!”

“I can read your face!” he said. “I’ve been a bouncer for ten years!”

“Thank you!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “She’s crazy!”

“She is!” McFluffilstein said.

“No!” Miss Bennet said. “Okay, well …”

“But I like that!” McFluffilstein said. “But I don’t care, but I like that! Let’s go to my apartment!”

“Well, okay, I don’t know if I’m down with going to your apartment,” Miss Bennet said. “I mean, that’s kind of personal.”

“I have a second car!”


“I have a second car. I got my Prius for the daytime.”

“Around here?” Fipps asked, rubbing his nose.

“And I got my 1960 vintage pickup truck for the nighttime,” McFluffilstein said.

“Why do I care?” she said.

“We need a car to investigate the meteor,” he said.

“Can you lay him down?” she said quietly to him.

She slid a finger across her neck.

“Maybe later,” McFluffilstein whispered to her conspiratorially.

He thought she was flirting with him as he was turned on by strong, psychotic women.

They continued towards Howard Street and spotted several cars on the nearby streets. He stopped near one.

“Dude!” Fipps said. “If they’re older than 2006, I totally can hack that and make it work.”

“Thank you, creepy dude,” McFluffilstein said.

The Saturn sedan sitting in the street had unlocked doors. When he opened the driver’s side door, he saw someone sitting in the driver’s seat.

“God!” he muttered.

The man in the car turned and looked at him and then reached for McFluffilstein but was held in place by his seat belt and didn’t seem to know enough to get it off. McFluffilstein cursed and slammed the door shut, catching one of his hands on the outside and crushing it in the door.

“**** yeah!” he said.

They continued down Howard Street and found a bicycle out front of Magic Cycles shop, a bicycle shop. They broke the window and got into the place, stealing three 15-speed bikes.

They continued on down the street, following McFluffilstein, and saw the lights were on in the Mana Spot.

“I wanna go in,” Fipps muttered.

“Common nerds!” Miss Bennet said. “****ing nerds!”

“Oh God, that’s Ricky!” Fipps called. “Ricky.”

Ricky was obviously dead and trying to get out of the shop without luck.

Music and flashing lights played inside The Local, next door.

They turned right on Water Street, biking up to King Street and taking a left. The hill posed a bit of a problem and slowed them all down. McFluffilstein’s kilt flapped in the wind. All he was wearing underneath was a jock strap.

I’ve seen worse on DOTA, Fipps thought.

As they approached Galileo’s, they could see there was a crowd of people outside of the place.

“**** them,” McFluffilstein said to himself. “**** them.”

He flipped them off as he biked past as quickly as possible. The people saw them and started wandering out into the street. The hill was a problem, slowing them all down. Fipps, fueled by fear, kept going but Miss Bennet started falling behind, running out of breath.

She’s my love, McFluffilstein thought when he noticed. My life.

“Hey!” he screamed to get the zombie’s attention. “Hey! Crazy zombies!”

It worked. They turned away from Fipps and Miss Bennet and started to shamble up the road towards him. One man burst out of the group and ran after the lead bike, his hands down by his sides, flailing around.

“****!” McFluffilstein cried.

He flipped off the guy and tried to increase his speed. The uphill made it hard.

“It’s Walking Dead zombies!” Fipps cried.

The dead-eyed man sprinted at McFluffilstein and flung himself at the man and his bike, but fell short and crashed to the ground in the middle of the road.

“**** you!” McFluffilstein yelled, flipping the man off again and trying to get more speed on the incline.

Fipps rode directly at the man on the road, intending on riding over him. When the front wheel struck him, the man rolled over and grabbed the wheel with both hands. The spinning wheel chopped off all of the man’s fingers but his mangled hands stopped the front wheel and the bike and Fipps crashed to the ground. Miss Bennet angled to the right and rode around them.

“****!” McFluffilstein cried.

“Sacrifice,” Miss Bennet mumbled. “Sacrifice.”

McFluffilstein turned around and headed back for Fipps. The fallen man leaned forward and bit Fipps in the upper thigh, ripping out a large chunk of flesh.

“Jesus!” Fipps screamed.

He grabbed the man by the head, hoping to gouge out his eyes without luck, instead scrabbling frantically and ineffectively at his face with both hands. McFluffilstein leapt from his bicycle and tried to head stomp the man but ended up kicking him with a glancing blow instead.

Miss Bennet, biking up the road, started mumbling sacrifice hymns from her occult group.

The man stood up and tried to bite McFluffilstein, snapping ineffectively at the man.

“Run!” McFluffilstein yelled at Fipps.

Fipps screamed as he stood up.

“Oh my God!” he cried. “We did this … in Call of Duty.”

He ripped his shirt and formed a makeshift bandage, wrapping it around his upper leg to try to stop the bleeding. It was not very effective.

McFluffilstein, meanwhile, elbowed the other man in the face. Teeth flew out of the man’s mouth. The man continued to tried to bite the Scotsman again but he held the horrible man off. Fipps limped to his bike.

“Where’s your house?” he called.

“Keep going!” McFluffilstein yelled. “It’s Teal Door!”

Fipps headed up the hill in great pain.

McFluffilstein grabbed the man by the ears and slammed his face into his knee. He heard the man’s nose snap as it was crushed into his skull but it didn’t seem to slow the man down at all. The man tried to bite him again with what was left of his teeth but stumbled. McFluffilstein noticed more of the people shambling towards him so he shoved the man back, knocking him down, and ran to his bike, picking it up and heading up the hill. His attacker climbed to his feet and ran after him, pounding up the hill after the Scotsman. He flipped off the man in terror.

McFluffilstein caught up to the others just as they reached Teal Door, Fipps having to call to Miss Bennet when she went by the place. Teal Door was a small apartment complex on the corner of North Carolina 321 and Oak Grove Road. Unfortunately, the running man was still close behind them. McFluffilstein dumped the bicycle right outside his first floor apartment and ran in the unlocked front door. He had a pistol in the kitchen though he was not sure exactly where it was.

“Holy shit!” Fipps yelled. “Where is the gun!?!”

The man who followed McFluffilstein ran to Miss Bennet, who fled into the apartment with Fipps right behind her. They passed McFluffilstein in the doorway. He had a baseball bat in his hand and the running dead man tried to bite him but he swung the baseball bat at the man’s head. There was a snap and the man’s head dropped to his shoulder but he didn’t fall. The blow had broken away a chunk of his skull as well.

This guy won’t ****ing go! he thought.

“Oh my God!” Fipps cried.

The apartment had a kitchenette to the right and a living room straight ahead. It looked like there were bedrooms to the left. There were windows in the back. It smelled like cinnamon inside.

“Where’s your gun?” Fipps yelled.

“In the kitchen!” McFluffilstein cried out.

“Why did we come here?” Miss Bennet said, confused. “What is here?”

“Gun!” Fipps cried, looking for the gun. “Gun! Gun! Gun!”

He spotted a knife holder and grabbed the butcher knife out of it.

The man tried to bite McFluffilstein again but he held him off. He swung again, this time the other way, and managed to knock the man’s head right off his shoulders. Blood oozed out of the man’s ragged neck and the body fell to the ground. McFluffilstein shoved the body out of the door and closed and locked it. He quickly closed the curtains in the kitchen.

“All right, guys,” McFluffilstein said. “Oi got five.”

“Where’s the gun?” Fipps said.

“Oi got five!” McFluffilstein said. “Give me a moment!”

“Give me a gun!” Miss Bennet said. “I want a gun.”

McFluffilstein went to the front bedroom, which had a Scottish flag on the one wall and a Braveheart poster on another. There was Scottish memorabilia in the room, including a claymore mounted on one wall. He pushed the Scottish flag aside. A semi-automatic pistol was taped to the wall behind it. He handed it to Fipps.

“Ammo?” the man asked, removing the magazine and checking the weapon’s load. “Thank you Call of Duty.”

McFluffilstein went to the kitchen and fiddled around a little. Under the sink he had another pistol tucked away. He handed it off to Miss Bennet. Then McFluffilstein went into the living room and reached under the couch, producing another handgun. He finally went into his bedroom and retrieved another from his nightstand and another from under the sink in the bathroom.

“Fredrick?” Fipps said. “Ammo?”

McFluffilstein bumped his dresser and a small secret compartment opened. He pulled out an extra seven magazines for the guns.

He showed Miss Bennet how to eject the magazine from the pistol, going behind her and putting his arms around her. He leaned up close against her.

He peeked out the front window and could see a couple of people wandering around in the parking lot.

“Guys, we need to go for … the lesson,” he whispered to the other two.

He took out his DVD of Zombieland and put it into the DVD player.

“Oh my God, I love that movie!” Fipps said.

“I know!” McFluffilstein said. “We need Tallahassee.”

“Tallahassee’s the one!” Fipps said. “He’s my favorite one!”

“You guys need to learn how to deal with the zombie apocalypse,” McFluffilstein said.

Miss Bennet rolled her eyes.

“Lock the door!” Fipps said. “Barricade the windows. Dude! Dude, I’ve seen this movie. We need to barricade the windows.”

They barricaded the windows first, using furniture and such to block all of the other windows to the apartment. They watched the beginning of the movie with the volume down low and subtitles on. McFluffilstein wanted them to all know the rules and felt it important to watch. He made them watch the first 30 minutes or so of the movie and they learned the first 33 rules. The most important ones included: Cardio, you have to be able to run; the double-tap, even when you hit ‘em once, you’ve got to hit them again - don’t be stingy on the bullets; beware of bathrooms, when in a sensitive situation, at the most vulnerable; wear seat belts cause you don’t know when you’ll run over a zombie; no attachments; and many, many more, including enjoy the little things.

When they turned off the movie and switched back to the cable, it was set on one of the Charlotte stations. An announcer was talking about the meteorite that fell.

“Scientists have just determined that we’re passing through an entire swarm of these meteors,” the man said. “So, look to the skies everyone, because you’re going to see not hundreds, but thousands of meteors coming to earth tonight. It’ll be a beautiful spectacle. At first we thought it was only going to hit the northern Americas, but it looks like it’ll be hitting America, China, India, Europe, Great Britain. In fact, the whole world will be hit and it’ll be beautiful to see these lovely, lovely meteors, so go out and watch them and have a nice evening.”

They could see flashes of light outside, even through the closed curtains.

“We’re ****ed,” McFluffilstein said.

Fipps groaned.

“Hey, none o’ that pansy shit,” McFluffilstein said in suck a thick accent that neither of the others could understand him.

“What?” Fipps said.

McFluffilstein said it again, more slowly, but they still couldn’t understand him.

“No poems?” Miss Bennet said.

“What?” McFluffilstein said.

“No poems or shit?” she said. “Is that what you were saying because I couldn’t understand you.”

“Guys!” McFluffilstein said.

“What?” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“I have the keys to my pickup truck,” McFluffilstein said. “It’s fully loaded, full of gas, because I am very conscientious about keeping my cars gassed up.”

“Water?” Fipps said. “Food? Feminine stuff?”

“Now, we just need to make a sacrifice to the almighty and then we will be okay,” Miss Bennet said. “Sacrifice.”

They started to load the pickup truck with everything they could take from the apartment. As they went out with loads of goods, they saw dozens if not hundreds of meteors in the night sky in every direction. Fipps moaned every time he saw them.

“I’ve been bitten!” he moaned at one point.

“You have?” McFluffilstein said.

“What?” Miss Bennet said. “Excuse me?”

“Can’t be your sacrifice now, huh?” Fipps said to her, rubbing his nose.

“You stay here, watch the fort, and we’ll be going on our way,” McFluffilstein said to him.

“No!” Fipps said.

“All right,” McFluffilstein said.

He attempted to perform first aid on the wound. It was very nasty.

“Lisa, can you help?” Fipps asked the woman. “Please?”

“I’ll help you,” she said with a grin.

“Crazy ***** that I love so much, stop,” McFluffilstein said. “Stop. I will sacrifice my life f’r you, but not in that way.”

“So, just lay down,” Miss Bennet said. “Just lay down. Just lay down.”

“Can you take a zombie?” McFluffilstein said.

“Just lay down,” she said.

“Wait, are you flirting with me?” he said.

“Lay down,” she said.

“All right, take me!” he said, laying down on his bed. “My body is ready.”

Miss Bennet took out the multitool and tried to slit the man’s throat with the blade but he easily held her off.

“Feisty, I love it!” McFluffilstein said.

She tried to cut his throat again but he had little trouble holding her off and grabbed her arm. She struggled to get free and he tried to get the knife out of her hand. She continued to struggle against him and then he squeezed her wrist hard enough to make her drop the multitool. He leaned in to kiss the woman but she broke free of his grasp and ran away.

“Hard to get,” he said. “I like it.”

He picked up the multitool and tucked it away.

“This relationship is worse than Kefka and Terra from Final Fantasy VI,” Fipps muttered.

“What the **** are you talking about?” Miss Bennet said.

“He gets it,” Fipps said, gesturing at McFluffilstein.

“No, he doesn’t,” she said.

“Yeah, he does,” he said.

“No, he doesn’t,” she said.

“Aw, damn,” Fipps said.

“All right, as much as I love this foreplay, we’ve got t’ get goin’,” McFluffilstein said.

“Can I have my knife back?” Miss Bennet asked him.

“No,” he said.

“Please?” she said.

“Maybe,” he said. “We gotta head towards−”

“Bonnie and Clyde: Let’s go!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose.

“We gotta head towards the meteor,” McFluffilstein said.

“No!” Miss Bennet said.

“We got to find out what is wrong,” McFluffilstein said.

“It’s turning people into zombies!” Miss Bennet said.

“You could sacrifice it to your god,” Fipps said.

“I need to sacrifice someone who hasn’t been bitten,” she said, looking at McFluffilstein meaningfully.

“What?” he said. “What if we can find a cure? Through the meteor.”

“I don’t think so,” she said.

“Well, I’m driving,” he said.

“We need to make a sacrifice.”

“All right, you can stay here.”

“We need to make a sacrifice.”

“In my apartment. And lay on my bed. I’m okay with that.”

“We …”

“Or you can come with me and I’m going to the meteor.”

“We need to make a sacrifice.”

“Well you’re staying in my bed, it looks like.”

“A sacrifice.”

“You can sacrifice your vagina to my love machine.”

“Blood of the hymen,” Fipps muttered, rubbing his nose. “Not gonna happen.”

“Human blood,” Miss Bennet said. “Human flesh. Sacrifice. I will need your blood. Knife. It was foretold in the stars.”

“All right, I’m goin’ to the car,” McFluffilstein said.

He walked out the door and saw a police cruiser roar into town with the sirens blaring and lights flashing. Miss Bennet came out.

“Can I have my knife back?” she asked.

“No,” he said.

He climbed into the driver’s seat. The other two slid into the cab.

McFluffilstein took the back roads back to the 105 Bypass, taking it to 105 and into town. Fipps pointed out the National Guard armory was over on State Farm Road and if they could get one of their trucks, HMMWVs didn’t need keys. He remembered playing a tabletop game wherein a zombie apocalypse happened in Boone, though the GM had sucked.

They didn’t see any people on the back roads or 105 bypass, almost as if whatever had happened might not have affected that part of town, and reached 105 without incident. They started seeing more people in the streets once they got further into town. There was too many people on 105 before they even got to Wendy’s so they turned and headed down Wilson Drive, taking the back roads, turning right on Greenway Road. However, when they got close to Wal-Mart, they saw the parking lot was packed full of people. McFluffilstein turned at Hunan Chinese to try to cut through the parking lot but there were several cars blocking the way and the zombies were thick there.

It seemed there were just too many people in the area. McFluffilstein turned around and headed back down Leola Drive up to Pride Drive, trying to make their way through the old K-Mart parking lot. The way was blocked by people and parked cars there too, though.

They headed back to Leola Drive, driving down to Meadowview and headed for Blowing Rock Road again. There wasn’t an excess of people there so they crossed Blowing Rock road and headed up Shadowline on the left. As they drove up Shadowline Road, they saw a couple of the buildings were on fire. Just the other side of State Farm Road, there appeared to be a crater where there used to be a small office building just east of the intersection.

“What?” McFluffilstein said.

“Don’t we want to have an armored vehicle?” Fipps said.

“Armored vehicles are for pussies!” McFluffilstein said. “I am a Scotsman!”

“Scots are underneath the Brits for a reason!” Fipps said. “You guys failed your independence!”

McFluffilstein got out of the truck and looked towards the meteorite. There were many zombies around but they had parked where there weren’t many.

“What are you doing?” Fipps hissed at the man.

“That’s very stupid,” Miss Bennet said. “That’s really stupid. That’s really, really dumb.”

“Guys!” McFluffilstein hissed.

“What the **** are you doing!?!” Fipps called.

McFluffilstein slipped back.

“Have you seen Shaun of the Dead?” he asked.

“Sacrifice,” Miss Bennet whispered very quietly to Fipps.

“Sh,” McFluffilstein said.

“We should sacrifice him,” Miss Bennet whispered.

“Don’t talk dirty to him,” McFluffilstein said. “You’ve seen Shaun of the Dead, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it,” Fipps said.

“You remember how they got to the bar?” McFluffilstein said. He hissed like a zombie.

“Sacrifice him,” Miss Bennet said to Fipps again. Then to McFluffilstein: “Can I have my knife?”

They decided to act like zombies to try to get closer to the meteorite. The zombies didn’t moan but they moved like they were very drunk, so the three of them did the same. Fipps turned out to be the best at it of all of them and he got the closest. A few of the zombies looked at Miss Bennet and McFluffilstein but Fipps really made a believable zombie, which was a little disturbing, especially since he’d been bitten.

They made it to the edge of the crater and could see the car-sized meteorite at the bottom of it. A large crowd of people were clustered near the meteorite. Each would rub it with their hands a little and then wander away as more came to take their place and do the same thing. The ones that walked away appeared to have some kind of dust on their hands. The meteorite made a strange, high-pitched humming noise.

“I’m going to go up to it,” McFluffilstein whispered.

“I wanna touch it,” Fipps said.

“Don’t touch it wi’ y’r bare hands,” McFluffilstein said.

“Why not?” Fipps asked.

“‘Cause it could infect you,” McFluffilstein said.

“I’m already ****ing bitten,” Fipps said.

“Yes, but we don’t want you more bitten,” McFluffilstein said. “All right, I’m gonna go up there like another one of them guys and then I’m gonna take a piece of my fabric off my kilt and rub it against it and then we’re gonna go test it.”

“How do we test it?” Fipps said.

“University, ya dumb nut!” McFluffilstein said.

“Dude, there’s so many things there,” Fipps said. “Use the armory.”

“‘Cause we can save the entire human race!” McFluffilstein whispered.

“Dude, the armory’s right ****ing there!” Fipps said.

“The entire human race,” McFluffilstein said.

“National. Guard of the Army. Base,” Fipps said. “Is right over there!”

“Okay, we can go there first,” McFluffilstein said. “But can we go to the university after that?”

“Who knows what’s in there?” Fipps said. “We can actually test it in there! Who knows?”

“Sacrifice,” Miss Benet whispered.

“Shut it,” McFluffilstein said.

“Sacrifice,” she whispered again.

“Stop talking sexy,” McFluffilstein said to her. “It’s important to stay in character. Stop.”

“Sacrifice,” she said again.

“Could you just stop!” Fipps said, rubbing his nose. “You can do it later.”

“You’re turning me on!” McFluffilstein whispered.

“We can do it tomorrow!” Fipps whispered.

“No,” she whispered. “There won’t be a tomorrow.”

“I can promise you, there will be a tomorrow,” he said.

“There will be no tomorrow,” she whispered.

“Lisa, stow it.”

Fipps shoved her towards McFluffilstein.

“Hello,” Miss Bennet said seductively.

“Hello,” McFluffilstein replied in kind.

“You’ve got something in your pocket,” she said.

“I do,” he replied. “It’s happy to see you.”

“Can I have it?”

“Yes, you can.”

He fiddled with his kilt. She reached into his pocket in hope of finding the knife. He thought she was reaching for something else.

“Feisty!” he grinned.

She grabbed the knife and he grabbed her hand.

“We can’t do this here!” he whispered to her.

Fipps rolled his eyes.

“We can’t do this here,” McFluffilstein Whispered again.

“Yes, we can,” she said.

“No, we can’t,” he whispered.

“Yes, we can,” she whispered.

She jerked her hand back with the knife, breaking free.

“Sexy,” he whispered to her.

She tried to slash his throat but he was able to easily get away.

“Oh!” he said with a smile. “Let’s leave that to the bedroom, huh, honeycakes?”

She tried to slash his throat again without luck.

“Mmm,” he whispered. “Feisty!”

Fipps, meanwhile, tore off a piece of his shirt and shuffled down to the meteorite. The other two didn’t notice him.

McFluffilstein grabbed Miss Bennet by the hand again but she broke free. He grabbed her hand again and then took the knife from the young woman. He tucked it back into his kilt.

“That’s for later, sweetcakes,” he said.

They realized that Fipps was halfway down to the meteor. McFluffilstein shuffled towards him. Fipps got close to the zombie crowd and was able to fake being dead long enough to rub the cloth on the meteor for a few moments. Then he shuffled back up to the other two. When McFluffilstein saw him coming, he also turned around.

The three slipped out of the crater and got into the truck again. They headed for the National Guard Armory but when they got onto Hunting Lane, they saw the area around the building was filled with zombies. McFluffilstein turned the truck around and they made their way back to Blowing Rock Road and headed for Blowing Rock.

More shooting stars fell from the sky above.

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Updated 11-25-2015 at 09:46 PM by Max_Writer

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