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GoddessGood
10-15-2008, 04:25 PM
I've heard some really awful ones lately. Post your worst, if you dare. I'll start with some current events.

Have you heard what's happening to Linens & Things? They folded! *rimshot*
(no, really (http://www.savvysugar.com/2032299))

Webhead
10-15-2008, 04:41 PM
Have you heard what's happening to Linens & Things? They folded! *rimshot*
(no, really (http://www.savvysugar.com/2032299))

Ouch! That was pun-ishing! :drum: Sorry. :D

Puns? I'll have to dig out some good ones. It's been a while.

Some of my favorite published, game-related puns came from the Magic: The Gathering set called Unglued.

Goblin Bowling Team: "Flog was out of his league - this game wasn't up his alley, but the team couldn't spare him if he split."

Grumpy Old Man
10-15-2008, 04:43 PM
Do you like being a Ghoul?

Yeth, I really dig it.

Webhead
10-15-2008, 04:59 PM
From the film Mystery Men...

Blue Raja (a super hero who fights with forks): "I would appreciate it if you would hold the Bac-o Bits. However, seeing as it is your first night and all, I suppose I'll fork-give you if you fork-get!"

*kneeslap*

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-15-2008, 05:26 PM
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Of course, that was weeks after i found the hole. he he

MuslixtheMighty
10-15-2008, 05:49 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2kOd9Cq0wg

Bearfoot_Adam
10-15-2008, 06:58 PM
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Of course, that was weeks after i found the hole. he he

You found the hole weeks ago. Well that must make you feel a little cocky.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-15-2008, 07:30 PM
Here's a pun that's loaded with wisdom:

The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent.

nijineko
10-16-2008, 12:32 AM
did you hear the one about the druid and the monk passing by?

they leaves in a flurry!




and of course, we must have the d&d chicken joke:

so there was this awakened chicken, see. she decided to become a Sorceress. after some time she got trapped on a desert island, and studied long and hard, becoming a Queen of the Wild (Desert). then by unlucky happenstance, she got implanted by a slaad, and eventually hatched into a red slaad. what was she?

why, a chicken slaad sand witch, of course!





and for the more forward looking ones:

the party enters a room in the dungeon to find an unusual scene before them. lying on the floor in repose is a woman with her eyes closed. around her stand arranged a djinn, and elf, and a skeleton. the djinn seems to be in charge. he turns to the skeleton and says, "well bones, what's the prognosis?" to which the skeleton replies, "i'm sorry, she's dead, djinn." the elf looking on mutters something you are certain was, "fascinating".





^^ should i stop now?

Stormhound
10-16-2008, 06:32 AM
An elf, a dragon, and a vampire walk into a tavern. The tavernkeeper looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

GoddessGood
10-16-2008, 08:24 AM
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a drink. The bartender says, "For you? No charge."


Heh, this stuff is great.

Webhead
10-16-2008, 10:06 AM
...the party enters a room in the dungeon to find an unusual scene before them. lying on the floor in repose is a woman with her eyes closed. around her stand arranged a djinn, and elf, and a skeleton. the djinn seems to be in charge. he turns to the skeleton and says, "well bones, what's the prognosis?" to which the skeleton replies, "i'm sorry, she's dead, djinn." the elf looking on mutters something you are certain was, "fascinating"...

Ugh! That's about as bad as my "3 Stirges" encounter! Their names? Barry, Shirley and Joe. Meanwhile, the party is pondering: "What the heck is a chowder-head?"

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-16-2008, 10:12 AM
How did the dwarf feel when he woke up in a tavern? Groggy.

Stormcrow77
10-16-2008, 04:12 PM
What do you call a band of orcs?



An orchestra.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-16-2008, 04:44 PM
A half-orc fighter, named Dirk, and a bit of a philanderer, was crying in his ale at the local pub. His friend and fellow adventurer, an elf wizard named Ariel, came and sat beside him, asking what his problem was. Dirk relayed that he was devasted that his girlfriend would stoop so low as to date a dwarf. :lol:

Grumpy Old Man
10-16-2008, 05:44 PM
What is a dungeon hallway with 36 cells, each inhabited by a gelatinous cube. A Jelly row, (roll) well it was funny at the time.

nijineko
10-16-2008, 05:48 PM
Ugh! That's about as bad as my "3 Stirges" encounter! Their names? Barry, Shirley and Joe. Meanwhile, the party is pondering: "What the heck is a chowder-head?"

that would work if they had two beaks... then you could defend yourself against them by putting your hand up vertically between your eyes....




and in other worlds:

spock and kirk were standing there looking at a woman laying on the floor. seeing that bones was nowhere to be found, kirk asks spock, "well, what's her condition, spock?" spock investigates with his tricorder and replies, "207.2." after a pause, kirk replies, "could you elaborate a bit on that?"

spock answers, "i'm sorry, jim, she's lead."

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-17-2008, 03:13 AM
You found the hole weeks ago. Well that must make you feel a little cocky.
...and then some, as she would say... whomever the lucky she may be.

Hilarious. :lol:

nijineko
10-17-2008, 02:18 PM
Increased aircraft traffic can lead to Boeing runways.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

These ridged pants only cost twenty-five cents? Quarter, Oy!

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

I used to be a Velcro salesperson, but couldn’t stick with it.

Traveling parallel to a tangent line is just not normal.






.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-17-2008, 03:06 PM
Excessive gravity is the only way to keep a good psionicist or wizard with levitate, down...

I like my Dungeons and Dragons like the women I unfortunately usually date: Cold, Harsh, and Full of Drama. Probably not really a pun, but funny just the same.

...and i couldnt resist, so indulge me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plWnm7UpsXk&feature=related

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-17-2008, 03:14 PM
:focus:

Dwarven miners are always using crude language.

How does a halfling eat cheese? Caerphilly.

The Bard was sure she was going to Heaven, but she wouldn't harp on it.

Why was the Farmer angry? Someone got his goat.

Okay, okay, i'm stopping now... but just for now. :pound:

nijineko
10-19-2008, 12:52 AM
Gardeners' playing cards - weed 'em and reap.

At the time, putting an air-conditioning unit in the store room didn't seem like such a hot idea.

The bicycle salesman had broken his ankle and was thus unable to peddle his wares.

One must be taut how to remove slack from rope.

Our tent purchase was not something to be taken lightly—there was much at stake.

The University of New England is my Maine choice for college.

^^ and it's not even thursday.

Grumpy Old Man
10-27-2008, 04:26 PM
My rifle was looking down at the muzzle

"What's wrong" asks I

"I'm bored" says he

cplmac
10-27-2008, 07:03 PM
My rifle was looking down at the muzzle

"What's wrong" asks I

"I'm bored" says he


Groan

Grumpy Old Man
10-27-2008, 08:20 PM
Groan
My work here is done

Stormhound
10-27-2008, 09:09 PM
A painter brought his latest work to the gallery, whose owner inspected the canvas full of grayish-yellow horses.

"Finally finished it, eh?" inquired the owner.

"Yes," replied the artist. "My work here is dun."

nijineko
10-27-2008, 11:26 PM
My rifle was looking down at the muzzle

"What's wrong" asks I

"I'm bored" says he

took me a while to get that. ^^


A painter brought his latest work to the gallery, whose owner inspected the canvas full of grayish-yellow horses.

"Finally finished it, eh?" inquired the owner.

"Yes," replied the artist. "My work here is dun."

*rolls eyes*

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-28-2008, 12:05 AM
I wondered why the arrow was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the thief whose whole left side was cut off in a trap? He's all right now.

cplmac
10-28-2008, 09:59 AM
...Did you hear about the thief whose whole left side was cut off in a trap? He's all right now.


So that would make said thief to still be in his right mind?

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-28-2008, 10:24 AM
So that would make said thief to still be in his right mind?
Sure, even though i'm sure he wished he didnt have to leave his left brain behind for he found it rather helped keep things all right.

On a better note, the thief no longer has an epileptic condition due to the separation of his corpus callosum. Bet he wished he was cured of it before the horrible trap accident. ;)

You could say that the thief now has separation issues. :laugh:

Okay, now stopping my poking at that pun... :boink:

Bearfoot_Adam
10-28-2008, 11:07 AM
A visual Pun

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-28-2008, 03:53 PM
A dwarf was hauled into court after a bit of binging. Master Dwarf, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking..
Great, the dwarf exclaimed. When do we get started?

A halfling was once asked, "what do you think about work?" In which the halfing replied, "Work fascinates me - I can look at it for hours!"

Stormhound
10-29-2008, 07:53 AM
Didja hear about what the FDA did when they caught up with the guy who was selling river-bottom mud as a health tonic? It seemed an appropriate punishment...they gave him a taste of his own sediment.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-30-2008, 05:01 PM
May everyones Halloween be filled with zombies, ghouls, vampires and others nasties... especially the Great Pumpkin!

http://terrisfp.com/hallo1/ghost1.swf :spider: :spider:

:spider: :spider: :spider::spider:

nijineko
10-30-2008, 05:13 PM
what are you trying to do? level me up before i'm ready? ^^

spotlight
10-30-2008, 06:21 PM
Well, that theif may have been alright, but I would bet lots that he's also half- cocked.....

nijineko
10-30-2008, 08:58 PM
i had a substitute teacher in high school try to break the ice by telling a bunch of "half" jokes... (what do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door? matt.... guy above a window? rod.... guy in a pool? bob.... ) and so forth. suddenly he stops and gets all worried and asks if anyone is offended by these jokes, cause he really didn't intend for any offense. he looks relieved when everyone says, no. he explains that one time he had a girl come up to him and say that she was really offended by those jokes cause she had a brother like that.

well while he was trying to apologize, she interrupted him saying, 'that's okay, he's only my half brother....'

tesral
10-30-2008, 09:28 PM
well while he was trying to apologize, she interrupted him saying, 'that's okay, he's only my half brother....'


KA-zing

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-30-2008, 09:33 PM
i had a substitute teacher in high school try to break the ice by telling a bunch of "half" jokes... (what do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door? matt.... guy above a window? rod.... guy in a pool? bob.... ) and so forth. suddenly he stops and gets all worried and asks if anyone is offended by these jokes, cause he really didn't intend for any offense. he looks relieved when everyone says, no. he explains that one time he had a girl come up to him and say that she was really offended by those jokes cause she had a brother like that.

well while he was trying to apologize, she interrupted him saying, 'that's okay, he's only my half brother....'
Ba da bing, ba da boom! I would have liked to have seen the expression on his face when he realized he got had by his student. Hilarious.

nijineko
10-30-2008, 09:39 PM
yeah, there had been a few chuckles up to that point, but that last one got the whole class.

nijineko
10-30-2008, 09:40 PM
i'll have to try to get midnight here on the forums to tell the one that one of his friend's kids (i think it was) told in class....

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
10-30-2008, 10:07 PM
Ever wonder what happened to Betty Boop? Well, it's no longer a mystery, so dont get scared... http://infocult.typepad.com/dracula/

:focus: :spider:

GoddessGood
10-31-2008, 09:30 AM
So this morning I thought, oh crap it's halloween and I don't have a costume. So I grabbed a plaid shirt from my boyfriend, my best pair of denim jeans, my brown leather ankle boots and the cowboy hat I bought in Colorado in a store at the top of a mountain. Yup, I went to work today as a cowgirl.

The problem is, I work in Dallas. Nobody thinks I'm wearing a costume.

Webhead
10-31-2008, 10:30 AM
...The problem is, I work in Dallas. Nobody thinks I'm wearing a costume.

Zing!

Yep, wearing a "cowboy" costume in Texas would be like wearing an Eskimo costume in Alaska...everybody assumes that's just the way you dress.

I'm dressed as rapper, Flavor Flav...but my cheap grill keeps falling out. :mad:

nijineko
10-31-2008, 12:34 PM
i going to work today as a security guard... oh wait, i am a security guard. ^^ but not for much longer! yea move!

Valdar
10-31-2008, 02:14 PM
That would be like me going to work with tape on my glasses and wearing a pocket protector. People would be like, "Aw, man, what happened to your glasses?" :laugh:

Stormhound
10-31-2008, 05:05 PM
So this morning I thought, oh crap it's halloween and I don't have a costume. So I grabbed a plaid shirt from my boyfriend, my best pair of denim jeans, my brown leather ankle boots and the cowboy hat I bought in Colorado in a store at the top of a mountain. Yup, I went to work today as a cowgirl.

The problem is, I work in Dallas. Nobody thinks I'm wearing a costume.

That's because in Dallas, that's not a costume...it's a uniform. :D

kirksmithicus
11-18-2008, 02:04 PM
Pre-Minstrel Syndrome

A shot from the grassy gnoll

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
11-18-2008, 02:18 PM
Ha! The pun posts are back. Okay, here's a good rogue pun:

A rogue breaks into a house, while still standing in the dark he hears a voice "I see you and Olidammara sees you" he stands quietly and once more hears "I see you and Olidammara sees you." He lights a match and the light arcs it around the room and it lands on a parrot who repeats "I see you and Olidammara sees you."
Feeling very brave he lights his lantern, then he notices a Doberman sitting beneath the parrot cage. Just then the bird says "Sic em Olidammara!"

*Olidammara (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olidammara), god of music, revels, wine, rogues, humor, and tricks

Grumpy Old Man
11-19-2008, 11:23 PM
Nick: Hillary. That's an unusual name.
Hillary: It's a German name. It means "she whose bosoms defy gravity."
Nick: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.
Hillary: Nick? What does that mean?
Nick: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
11-19-2008, 11:40 PM
An elf, a dragon, and a vampire walk into a tavern. The tavernkeeper looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

i laughed at this one way too much. I really think I need to get some sleep.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
11-19-2008, 11:41 PM
Dwarves, while excavating a tunnel created before written history, found part of an ancient door. It had a stone hinge on it.

I always wondered why the arrow was getting bigger as it came at me..... then it hit me!

The pirate captain was standing in his treasure pile.
He didn't have very much: his booty was only shin-deep.

Old dwarven axiom, as told from a longbeard to a shortbeard. The best part about it? It gets better the more dwarven ale one consumes.

Q: How can you tell when a bucket gets sick?
A: It becomes a little pale.

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
11-19-2008, 11:43 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n0vmCqv5yo

I know, i know, im obsessed, but its hilarious.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
11-19-2008, 11:50 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n0vmCqv5yo

I know, i know, im obsessed, but its hilarious.
Nothing wrong with obsession. Its kept me into gaming for over 30 years.

boulet
11-20-2008, 07:33 AM
Nick: Hillary. That's an unusual name.
Hillary: It's a German name. It means "she whose bosoms defy gravity."
Nick: I'm pleased to meet you. My name's Nick.
Hillary: Nick? What does that mean?
Nick: Oh, nothing. My dad thought of it while he was shaving.
I hate to ask for an explanation about a joke, it's usually a kill joy. But I just don't get it.

cplmac
11-20-2008, 09:49 AM
I hate to ask for an explanation about a joke, it's usually a kill joy. But I just don't get it.


Sometimes when shaving, if one cuts themself it is referred to as a nick.

boulet
11-20-2008, 10:14 AM
muchas gracias !

Webhead
11-20-2008, 10:20 AM
Okay, it's not really a pun, but Thoth's arrow joke reminded me and I had to share:

The Looking Glass Studios development team during the production of their computer game Thief: The Dark Project:


1st Guy: "Where does the player arm come from?"

2nd Guy: "Well, there's a mommy player arm and a daddy player arm..."

3rd Guy: "And they both love each other very much...and the daddy player arm has a seed..."

Another:


1st Guy: "It may be that the guard finds the sound of the arrow entering his body slightly suspicious."

spotlight
11-24-2008, 05:58 PM
Hey, Total Nerd, I know this is a wierd thought, but, when does a BARD use an AXE?

tesral
11-24-2008, 11:59 PM
Hey, Total Nerd, I know this is a wierd thought, but, when does a BARD use an AXE?

Every time they play, man.

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
11-25-2008, 12:42 AM
Hey, Total Nerd, I know this is a wierd thought, but, when does a BARD use an AXE?

Oh, I don't know the 4e rules, sorry!
:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
11-25-2008, 12:49 AM
What OS does a Svirfneblin run on their computation machine?

tesral
11-25-2008, 01:13 AM
What OS does a Svirfneblin run on their computation machine?

Gnome, and it's a desktop manager, not an OS.

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
11-25-2008, 02:31 AM
ah, thats right. GNu Object Manager Environment or some such recursive acronym. not that i would gnow any thing about that.

I was actually thinking that the deep gnomes would be mac users...

they would love the multimedia features im sure. but you never can tell.

im writing about Svirfneblin gnomes at 3:30 am on a tuesday.

Now THATS funny.

spotlight
11-26-2008, 06:20 PM
Well, I have been house sitting for some friends. Actually, just taking care of all their 'rescued' animals. Anyway, they's gots about fifty fat hens. After I let them out off their pen to free-range a few hours, and was taking care of the other little critters, a chicken hawk mad a dive for one of the little ones. The poulet made it to cover just in time, but it got me to thinking ... and I made a pun, eventually.

So, what do Indians, Native Americans, call a male chicken hawk?

A Tommy Hawk!!!

Grumpy Old Man
11-29-2008, 02:13 PM
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

I'll teach you guys to make pun of me.

Stormhound
11-30-2008, 06:09 PM
Okay, from a recent broadcast of Car Talk (if you don't know, don't ask), some key support personnel and businesses:

Public opinion pollster: Paul Murky of Murky Research
Statistician: Marge Innovera
Customer care representative: Heywood Jabuzoff
Personal makeup artist: Bud Tuggly
Second-shift meterologist: Cloudy Overnight
Food taster: Howard M. Burgers
Used-car salesperson of the Month: Meg Mianhoffa
Director of Vengeance: Yul Rudy Day
Personal psychiatrist: Manny Lou Screws
Seasonal adjustment disorder specialist: Mahmoud S. Bleak
Optometric firm: C. F. Eye Care
Guest accommodations: The Horseshoe Road Inn
Head of working mothers' support group: Erasmus B. Dragon

Bearfoot_Adam
11-30-2008, 11:48 PM
Okay, from a recent broadcast of Car Talk (if you don't know, don't ask), some key support personnel and businesses:

Public opinion pollster: Paul Murky of Murky Research
Statistician: Marge Innovera
Customer care representative: Heywood Jabuzoff
Personal makeup artist: Bud Tuggly
Second-shift meterologist: Cloudy Overnight
Food taster: Howard M. Burgers
Used-car salesperson of the Month: Meg Mianhoffa
Director of Vengeance: Yul Rudy Day
Personal psychiatrist: Manny Lou Screws
Seasonal adjustment disorder specialist: Mahmoud S. Bleak
Optometric firm: C. F. Eye Care
Guest accommodations: The Horseshoe Road Inn
Head of working mothers' support group: Erasmus B. Dragon
Ah the joys of Car Talk

Grumpy Old Man
12-01-2008, 06:05 PM
This bear goes into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar".

The bear bangs on the bar.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars".

The bear grabs a passing barmaid and bashes her.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars and bash barmaids".

The bear bellows at the other barman to bring him a beer.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve beers to bears in this bar,
especially not bears who bang on bars, bash barmaids and bellow at barmen".

In exasperation, the bear bites the bar.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve bears who are on drugs".

The bear says "On drugs?"

The barman says "Yes - I saw the bar-bit-u-ate"

GoddessGood
02-11-2009, 08:51 AM
Have you heard about the new drink called "The Sully?" It's named after the heroic pilot Sully Sullenberger (http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/us_world/The-Hero-of-Flight-1549.html). How do you make it?

It's two shots of grey goose and a splash of water, shaken hard and set down gently.:tongue1:

Webhead
02-11-2009, 09:30 AM
Have you heard about the new drink called "The Sully?" It's named after the heroic pilot Sully Sullenberger (http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/us_world/The-Hero-of-Flight-1549.html). How do you make it?

It's two shots of grey goose and a splash of water, shaken hard and set down gently.:tongue1:

Wow...just wow...

I think I'm actually in pain...brain overloading...

GoddessGood
02-11-2009, 10:57 AM
Haha, I saw it on a news story and had to post it. Same as when Linens and Things "folded" (haha) for the original post. Just thought I'd share the pain ;)

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
02-11-2009, 11:26 AM
Have you heard about the new drink called "The Sully?" It's named after the heroic pilot Sully Sullenberger (http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/us_world/The-Hero-of-Flight-1549.html). How do you make it?

It's two shots of grey goose and a splash of water, shaken hard and set down gently.:tongue1:
Good one. It was a matter of time, i guess, for someone to come up with this great pun.

nijineko
02-11-2009, 04:22 PM
they really should make such a drink. ^^

tesral
02-11-2009, 06:37 PM
There was this fellow who was a genius with bio chemistry. He could perform absolute miracles in on his own time. Why he even had a method to keep dolphins alive forever. All he had to do is feed them prrocessed sea gulls.

So, our intrepid hero was returning one fine day from a sea gull gathering mission and he spotted a toothless old loin that had escaped from the zoo lying across the steps to his house. Bravely he leaped the lion only to nabbed by the police.

The charge? Transporting gulls across staid lion for immortal porpoises.

GoddessGood
02-11-2009, 08:45 PM
There was this fellow who was a genius with bio chemistry. He could perform absolute miracles in on his own time. Why he even had a method to keep dolphins alive forever. All he had to do is feed them prrocessed sea gulls.

So, our intrepid hero was returning one fine day from a sea gull gathering mission and he spotted a toothless old loin that had escaped from the zoo lying across the steps to his house. Bravely he leaped the lion only to nabbed by the police.

The charge? Transporting gulls across staid lion for immortal porpoises.
I ... I can't believe you made a pun out of the man law :eek:

nijineko
02-12-2009, 01:13 AM
A professor of Modern English Literature was teaching a class at the
university, in which he had just concluded three weeks of lectures on
science fiction. He had assigned readings by some of the best of the
genre, and had lead some fascinating and in-depth discussions with his
students on the works of Herbert, Asimov, Clarke, Wells, and several
other noted authors of science fiction, even Douglas Adams.

To conclude the course's segment on science fiction he assigned the
class a paper, on any topic they wished having to do with science
fiction.

The next week, after the papers had been turned in, the professor was
grading them and came across this paper:

There once was an Israeli border guard named Isaac. Across the border
from Isaac, Abdul, an Arab border guard, had his post. One night, Abdul
crept over the border and killed Isaac.

When Isaac's commander found out what had transpired the previous
night, he was furious, and the next night, he and his squad staged a
raid in which several Arab border guards, including Abdul, were killed.

This, of course lead to Arab reprisals, which in turn lead to Israeli
reprisals, which in turn...ad infinitum. Eventually, the Arabs and
Israelis were at war.

Well, the professor read this paper, and being utterly confused, reread
it, shook his head in disgust, and wrote a large "F" on it, in red ink,
and then moved on to the next paper.

The next day, at the end of class, he handed back the papers, and as he
was preparing to leave, the student who received the "F" approached and
asked to speak with the professor.

I don't understand why you didn't like my paper," the student said.

"It's very simple," the professor replied. "You were assigned to write
a paper on science fiction. This paper has nothing whatsoever to do with
the assigned subject."

"I must disagree," said the student … "I think that my paper examined
the very basis of Zion's Friction."

here's a variant of a pun that i enjoyed.

Total Nerd v2.135 (final)
02-12-2009, 09:55 AM
here's a variant of a pun that i enjoyed.

hmmmm....

F= Humor

t= time required to tell joke (t(f) - t(i))

F= 1/(k*e^t) -t$

where k is the universal humor constant.
and $ is the probability density of joke perception.




There was this fellow who was a genius with bio chemistry. He could perform absolute miracles in on his own time. Why he even had a method to keep dolphins alive forever. All he had to do is feed them prrocessed sea gulls.


There actually are some 'biologically immortal' cnidarians and hyphae. I dont really remember the specific species name, but im sure if you google "jellyfish" and "immortal" you can read all about it.

even though tinkering with sirtuin regulator genes can prolong the lives of experimental animals, Im not sure I would personally want to live very long.

but anyone who plays around with dolphins, lions, and other protected animals is looking for trouble from the 'wildlifists' :cool:
--- Merged from Double Post ---
also, This is terribly unrelated to anything.

but it is terribly funny.

see yourself:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/science-fair.php

spotlight
02-14-2009, 11:26 AM
wow nin. I like your'version.' I think I'll copy it and e-mail it to some stoggy friends of mine.