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Tony Misfeldt
05-07-2008, 06:32 PM
1) You meet the knights who say "Ni".

2) You meet an enchanter named Tim.

3) Every castle is guarded by very mouthy soldiers who throw insults at you in a French accent.

4) Every path is guarded by a mouthy but very inept Black Knight.

5) You escape an ettin by sneaking away while the heads argue whether or not to kill you or break for tea & biscuits ("Oh, not biscuits!" "Okay just tea then! But let's kill'em anyway!" "Oh look. They buggered off.")

6) You encounter a killer bunny rabbit.

7) You acquire a Holy Hand Grenade to kill above mentioned rabbit.

http://www.vancouvergamingguild.com/forums/YaBBImages/cool.gif The corpse collector picks up the PCs, even when they still have 1 Hit Point left.

9) The Emperor has an elite group of soldiers who can commit suicide in under 6 seconds.

10) Fighter training includes learning to defend yourself against people armed with fresh fruit ("But what about a pointed stick?" "SHUT UP!")

11) You discover Castle Anthrax.

12) You earn extra XP by exiting by your idium.

13) All Temples Of Healing are equipped with a machine that goes "Ping!"

14) In every tavern, festhall, and inn taproom you enter, there's always at least one bard singing either We're The Knights Of The Round Table, The Ballad Of Brave Sir Robin, Every Sperm Is Sacred, or Isn't It Great To Have A Penis?

15) Potion shops don't sell any potions.

16) You became an adventurer to avoid being sent off for medical experimentations with your 147 brothers and sisters.

17) The Grim Reaper visits your campsite one night ("It's a Mr. Death. He says he's here about the reaping?")

18) You have random encounters with The Spanish Inquisition.

19) Capitol punishment is executed by being chased off a cliff by a horde of beautiful naked 18 year old girls.

20) Non-capitol crimes are punishable by being forced to play in a game of rugby against a team of hill giants.

21) A shrubber is an NPC class.

22) You can use hamster bladders to predict earthquakes.

23) City guards are given the option of all going to see a bard performance or "WALKING UP AND DOWN THE SQUARE!"

24) Every time a natural 20 is rolled, you see stock footage of a bunch of little old ladies applauding.

25) All NPCs are the same 8 characters used over and over again.

26) You must answer three unbelievably simple questions before crossing every bridge.

27) People accused of witchcraft are tested by weighing them against a duck.

28) Everyone who is polymorphed into a newt gets better.

29) The party is saved when the animator suffers a massive heart attack and dies, thus eliminating the dragon.

30) The DM's drinking a bottle of MONTY PYTHON'S HOLY GRAIL ALE(Tempered over burning witches).


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agoraderek
05-07-2008, 07:00 PM
"hello, mrs premise!"

"hello, mrs con-cluuuu-sion, where you been, shopping?"

"no, shopping"

Anaesthesia
05-07-2008, 09:01 PM
What about the Very Expensive Forest? ~.^;; Or women laying in water throwing scimitars at you?

I had an idea for a campaign where all the PCs get to be a commoner (or an expert) and follows a paladin, knight or fighter around-like how Patsy followed Arthur around.

Webhead
05-07-2008, 10:58 PM
...Or women laying in water throwing scimitars at you?

Listen, strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical, aquatic ceremony!

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

:cool:

tesral
05-08-2008, 12:24 AM
18) You have random encounters with The Spanish Inquisition.


But never when expected.

agoraderek
05-08-2008, 02:07 PM
"nobody expects the spanish inquisition! our chief weapon is suprise - suprise and fear...fear and suprise...our two weapons are fear and suprise - and ruthless efficiency! our THREE weapons are fear and suprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope...our FOUR...no...AMONGST or weaopns - amongst our weaponry? - are such elements as fear, suprise...i'll come back in again..."

hmmmmm. yeah. i watch too much python....

boulet
05-08-2008, 02:15 PM
Number one, the larch

Kilrex
05-08-2008, 06:34 PM
Its!

Spam, Spam, Spam, Egg, and Spam.

And now for something completely different...

tesral
05-08-2008, 09:37 PM
Successful hide attempts are shortly there after followed with an explosion.

upidstay
05-09-2008, 05:13 AM
I have given my players the Holy Hand Grenade. They didn't use it to kill the killer bunny, though... They used swords and bows for that, after it killed a few party members and most of the horses. That was one funny adventure, for me at least

tesral
05-09-2008, 10:33 AM
Hero: (Sheathing sword) "Now that we have slain the rapacious dragon...."

Dragon: "I'm not dead yet."

Kilrex
05-09-2008, 02:31 PM
Successful hide attempts are shortly there after followed with an explosion.

How Not To Be Seen?

You forgot Norwegian Blue Parrot Familiar. ("It's stone dead" "No it's resting.")

Any good bard also should know the Lumberjack Song.

Dravion
05-09-2008, 04:52 PM
And if you're bard is trying to attract a young lady, "Sit on My Face" could come in handy...lol

amardolem
05-09-2008, 09:29 PM
"I had transgressed the unwritten law, he gave 'is word that, that was the case and that's good enough for me wif ol Dinnsy, he didn't want to nail my head to the floor, I had to insist! He was a smashing bloke, used to send his muvver flowers an that" But is it true he nailed your wife's head to a coffee table? "He did do that, he was a cruel man, but fair."

;)(nods as good as a wink to a blind bat)

upidstay
05-10-2008, 05:57 AM
I also had a player with a Sword of Sharpness, and would go around lopping off limbs of all the opponents I threw at him. So, it was obviously an opportunity for the Black Knight to make an appearance!! That was a fun encounter.

Webhead
05-10-2008, 10:43 AM
I had an enchanter named Tim make an appearance in one of my games and he would blast the empty landscape with Fireballs and Magic Missiles randomly. :D

cplmac
05-14-2008, 01:04 PM
I also had a player with a Sword of Sharpness, and would go around lopping off limbs of all the opponents I threw at him. So, it was obviously an opportunity for the Black Knight to make an appearance!! That was a fun encounter.


<with very bad accent> "That is nothing, just a flesh wound."