In the event that. . .

[PhishStyx]

. . . you guys have wondered at all where I went for a week, last Monday I lost my step-father to lung cancer that I only knew he had for about 2 months as well as all the remaining shreds of respect that I had for my mother and her sister as they tussle with his kids over his stuff and repeatedly invoke God, Jesus, etc. to justify and feel good about themselves while doing it.

Less than a day after my mother and I had a big conversation where she agreed that if she wanted to wait a couple weeks or more even to think about giving stuff away, that's fine, but she needs to be fair and mindful of all his kids, she suddenly decided to give me an armful of items from the verboten room that none of his kids (just his kids, I had blanket permission) were supposed to go into. I, of course, said I didn't want a single thing of his.

My step-father was a great man who had a lot of admirers although he and I were never close. He could be pretty abrasive sometimes, but people loved that he could do virtually anything. He volunteered at a local botanical garden and spent more than 1400 work-hours building it.

And the night I got home, one of the very few remaining friends I had on earth who gave me a good feeling about myself and my life just by talking with me decided that she didn't want to do that anymore. Not only did she insist that we never speak again "to protect us both," she got her friend to come online and tell me what a terrible person I am for harassing her friend by having long conversations and helping her get rid of a dog that she couldn't keep. As bad as the rest of it was, that has been just as bad; I feel hurt just as much if not more by my final conversation with my friend as I have by all the other things that happened last week. But truthfully, I guess she'd gotten what she needed from me. I hate losing friends. I've lost too many the last few years. I wish I understood why people do this, but really, I just wish they'd quit it.

Oh and my mother bugged me all the last half of the week about buying a pair of burial plots next to her and my aunt.

In other news, I think my chances of ever having a game published are pretty much gone based on what my friend at Eden Studios tells me.

I'm not sure what to put here now, so I'll go.

[Ed Zachary]

Sometimes it doesn't just rain, it pours.

Stay strong, but take the time you need to mourn and reflect on your losses.

Life can be very unfair at times, and when it gets bad it helps if you're grounded with family, friends and spiritual beliefs.

[PhishStyx]

with family, friends and spiritual beliefs.

Got none of those.

I mean, there's my wife who seems constantly on the verge of deciding between divorcing and poisoning me, her adult children would just as soon not know me at all as knife me in the back, and my own daughter is 7.

Read above about my friend.

And I'm agnostic leaning a bit toward atheism.

[Semaria]

And I'm agnostic leaning a bit toward atheism.

My sincere condolences to you and your situation.

Have you ever read any books by Rosemary Altea?

She is a favorite author of mine, and has helped me get though some rough times.

[dragonmamma]

"my own daughter is 7."

Hey Phish, I'm sorry to hear about your step-father. A death in the family tends to bring out the best and worst in people...I am also sorry to hear about your lack of support from your family...but your daughter needs you to be strong. I had my share of crisises at that young age and whether I let it be known or not...I needed the stregnth of my mom (no dad in the picture). I don't know how close she was to her grandfather but any death is upsetting to a child...BE STRONG...and hang in there. You have my email if you need to vent.
With Sympathy,
Dragonmamma

[Farcaster]

Sorry to hear about all the bad news, Phish. Right now might be a hard time to time to think that there will be better things coming on the horizon, but I'm sure there will be. As bleak as things may be in the moment, there are better days ahead, .. and you still have your daughter and your health. Turn to that and take joy in it as much as you can.

[PhishStyx]

Thanks for the good thoughts folks, I'll keep what you've said in mind as I'm working through things.

I'm really tired, like fall in a deep hole and pull a big rock over my head tired.

I wish I could talk with my wife, but I'd about settle for a mean kid with an baseball bat, right now.

[grimwell]

I watched my father die of cancer over the course of two long years. All I really did in that time was work, spend time with my parents, and spend time with my wife & kids. I did get drunk a few more times than I normally would, but time for that was few and far between. When dad died it was a bit of relief in terms of what the cancer had done to him... but I was left with rage.

Seething rage. See, his cancer had been identified and ignored by his doctor. I wanted blood. To be honest, I want blood right now and can feel the rage rising deep inside me. I would kill that man with my hands if given the fair chance.

I tell you not because I want the empathy of anyone out there, but because I want you to know that I understand. I won't be killing that doctor. My brother and I went out after the funeral and got good and drunk. We shared our rage between each other, and then bottled it up and went home to the needs of our families.

I have a wife, and a few kids (10, 7, 5) and while things aren't always perfect, and there are times when I can really get angry on the inside, but I have responsibilities to those kids, who also miss their papa. My 7 year old is a daughter like yours.. and they need me as much as mine need you.

You are going to feel down for a while, there isn't a single line in the 'Rules on Living' that says you can't be down for a while. You don't have to be happy every day by any stretch of the imagination... you do have to take care of that little girl. Everyone and everything else are invisible in comparison.

Make sure her days are sunshine and filled with a fathers love. You have precious few years before you have a woman, not a daughter, on your hands. Make those years good for her, and you will find that slowly... ever so slowly on some days... things will get better even for you on the inside. The feelings you have won't surface as often, or as strongly. They won't go away, ever, but they won't rule you.

Between then and now (and even after) it does not matter how you feel on the inside. On the outside you have a daughter whom you are the world to. Make sure she knows only as much happiness and joy as you can give her.

...and teach her how to play games with you. She's old enough, trust me there. You won't regret it for a moment.

[ronpyatt]

I have no sage advise. I've lost friends and loved ones in similar "out of the blue" manner. It made me feel like my relationship with them had all been a lie. Having them turn on me was unreal. I moved on and sometimes think back on it as a bad dream.

Well, from one non-believer to another, you have my best wishes and condolences.

Still, you've got what amounts to online friends here, practically all over the world.

[Ed Zachary]

[deleted]

[Wikrin]

helping her get rid of a dog that she couldn't keep.

I seriously hope you mean you found it a home. If you, like, shot it, or had it put down, I'm going to go with "OMG, you heartless bastard." If you found it a new home, however, I choose "Well, OK..."



And I'm agnostic leaning a bit toward atheism.

My sincere condolences to you and your situation.

Have you ever read any books by Rosemary Altea?

She is a favorite author of mine, and has helped me get though some rough times.

...That was awkwardly worded. With that quote, you made it seem like you were saying "Sorry you're agnostic.", which, ya know... I mean, the situation sucks, but that bit of awkward phrasing was, to me at least... Something. Not really funny, not really upsetting, just... Something. Bah, lost the word. :( (I'm an Atheist, by the way.)

Anyway, the situation sucks, there's no denying that. At the very least, you had a friend, and you have a daughter. The last friend I had was years ago, and I pretty much lost him to drugs. He's still alive, and he just got out of treatment, but he's probably going to go right back to the stuff, in that town. *sigh*

If you're like me, push through for spite. That's as good a reason as any, and in much higher supply than hope. Also, you don't get to shoot people dirty looks out of hope. :p

[Semaria]

Atheism/Agnosticism is not a "situation", it is a religious belief.

What PhishStyx described in his opening post is a "situation".


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Touched_by_His_Noodly_Appendage.jpg/800px-Touched_by_His_Noodly_Appendage.jpg

[Wikrin]

Atheism/Agnosticism is not a "situation", it is a religious belief.

What PhishStyx described in his opening post is a "situation".



I know, but you'd be surprised how many people I've met who would qualify it(Being an Atheist/Agnostic) as a "situation". I've known way too many people like that, I'm afraid... *sigh*

[Semaria]

Being a Pagan I know something of what it's like to be dissed by members of more mainstream religions. There are more of us in America than most people would assume. Unfortunately many Pagans aren't yet ready to come out of our closet.

Read this... (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/6/28/04716/3624)

[grimwell]

It's just my opinion... but I'm leery of having something sidetrack deeply into religious divisions. No good for a gaming board can really come from that. ;)

I don't care who/what/when/if/how you pray - I just want to roll some dice!

[Ed Zachary]

It's just my opinion... but I'm leery of having something sidetrack deeply into religious divisions. No good for a gaming board can really come from that.

I don't see divisions or anything deep, just a light discussion.

Don't turn a mole hill into a mountain, and we'll be fine.

[PhishStyx]

I seriously hope you mean you found it a home. If you, like, shot it, or had it put down, I'm going to go with "OMG, you heartless bastard." If you found it a new home, however, I choose "Well, OK..."

My step-sister runs a "low-kill" pet shelter. I took her there.

[Ed Zachary]

My step-sister runs a "low-kill" pet shelter. I took her there.

In the past year we've adopted a cat and a ferret from a local no-kill shelter.

Phish - You haven't been around for a few days, I hope all is well. Stop by and say hello when you get the chance.

[PhishStyx]

In the past year we've adopted a cat and a ferret from a local no-kill shelter.

Phish - You haven't been around for a few days, I hope all is well. Stop by and say hello when you get the chance.


In fact, I've been away on vacation since Tuesday.

[Farcaster]

In fact, I've been away on vacation since Tuesday.

What?! You mean you didn't bring a laptop or something along so that you could keep yourself tethered to the forums? :p

Welcome back! I hope it was a good vacation.

[PhishStyx]

What?! You mean you didn't bring a laptop or something along so that you could keep yourself tethered to the forums? :p

Welcome back! I hope it was a good vacation.


I'm on the laptop now, about to go to bed, so I can get up early and walk around The Museum of Natural History before driving a bit and going to Shore Leave (science fiction con in Baltimore, MD).

[PhishStyx]

BTW, what's up with the poster rank thingy?

[Farcaster]

Just a little stat I added. It ranks all users by the number of posts they have made, from most to least. Example, currently you are the 4th most prolific poster. :cool: