View Full Version : It's a game for heroes, can I get some heroes up in this Mother-Shutyomouf-

05-28-2013, 11:20 PM
The Campaign - You will start at level 1 and work your way up the food chain until I get annoyed with the group and kill everyone. This is a homebrew campaign I have run twice before (first time was in 3.5) that I subsequently converted to 4th This particular campaign involves a humorous beginning that quickly turns serious and can go as far as the epic tier. It may seem like your typical save the world epic length campaign but decisions early on can drastically change the final outcome (This assumes you make it out of the heroic tier before the inevitable TPK when your dice turn cold and I pounce like a cat on a mouse with crit rolls, key npc saves and general WTFery). We will, stereotypically, be playing in my basement. (more on this later)

The Players - I am looking for 4-5 players. I don't care if you have been playing since Redbox or are still in high school. Almost everyone is welcome at my table by meeting a few simple qualifications.

1. Punctuality - We will all agree on a mutually acceptable starting time. Afterwards this is the time we start playing. 6:30pm does not mean saunter in at 7pm. I understand there will always be real life occurrences that prevent you from attending or making it on time, notify me ASAP so I can adjust things and notify others accordingly, a 20 second phone call is all it takes.

2. Table Talk - I understand after many years of running games bullshitting, trash-talking and other stuff is going to happen. I am fine with that. Once we get started I only ask that you pay attention. If I have to tell you it if your turn or what is going on more than twice I will throw my D100 at your head.

3. Wireless and electronic stuff - Anyone caught playing Angry Birds, WWF or any other app will be dragged into the backyard and buried in my garden. Everyone else at the table is obligated to help me because you are either a witness or an accomplice and snitches get stitches. My basement is something of a WiFi dead zone anyways so just put down the iPhone and play some D&D. (Exception entered for game related activities like tweeting your third 1 of the evening or looking up some rule.

4. Be Prepared - I will keep a copy of your character sheet, but try to show up with everything you need like dice and spare paper and a pencil. I do have all these things but do try and show up ready to play. If you don't bring your own dice you will be forced to use the "Dice Bag of Shame" some of which may be older than some of the players and will be all rolled out. I will always have Brita filtered water in the mini-fridge and microwave popcorn but any other food or drink you want is your responsibility. If you bring something snacky, like candy or a bag of chips prepare to defend your food or share. It's a jungle at the table and only the strongest are allowed to feed. (I won't raid your taco bell dinner but if you bring a bag of oreo's, the DM's dice will expect a cut or they will treat you horribly.)

5. Be Normal - Look, I know we are all nerds and geeks, I mean we are playing D&D for the love of the FSM. Normal means stuff like shower a few times a week, know how to socially interact with other people, have at least a working knowledge of the English language and how to use it. If you say something dumb or have an inadvertent double entendre prepare to be mercilessly mocked until you move to another state. This is another law of the jungle and even I am not immune.

6. Must tolerate cats - I have two cats. One is grey and doesn't like other people. You will probably never see him. I have a second cat who is calico. She is an attention slut and will probably visit you at least once a night. She is over 15 years old and he breath is super catlike and terrible because she is having kidney issues.

Playing area/times - I live with my Father-In-Law and Wife. The basement area is fully finished and I have a nice large play area. Ideally we would play on Friday or Saturday starting between 5-6 and playing as late as people (including me) can stay alert. I am pretty flexible on this however, except no Wednesdays.

About Me - I've been playing D&D since dwarves and elves were classes. I'm 40 and married with no kids. I recently had open heart surgery and a kidney transplant, so if you are sick I need to know in advance so I can wear a mask. I'm highly experienced as both a DM and a player. I have a rep as a bit of a player killer but I just have some extraordinary luck with dice and don't believe in mercy. As I learn more about new players (new to me) I can adjust the campaign according to levels of interest in various aspects (roleplay/hack-n-slash). I have a dark sense of humor and sarcasm is my second language.

Message me if interested.