View Full Version : Kobold Quarterly Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Pointless Objects

PnP News Bot
03-04-2011, 01:12 AM
Originally posted on Friday 03-04-2011 02:12 AM at koboldquarterly.com (http://www.koboldquarterly.com)

http://www.koboldquarterly.com/k/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Homunculus1-232x300.jpg (http://www.koboldquarterly.com/k/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Homunculus1.jpg)Master Pett’sYour Whispering Homunculus*presents only the finest in British gaming. Indeed, you are not likely to find a more comprehensive assortment of miscellany anywhere.

(So much more than just another bloke in a dress.)

[previously (http://www.koboldquarterly.com/k/front-page8432.php)]


“Flotsam, jetsam. Do you know their true names, underslug?”

“You, lord and master are the brains.”

“Indeed I am, and don’t ever forget it. Don’t think I don’t know that you’ve been fiddling with my spellbooks, the spell magic jar in fact. Do not consider it leastlet.”

“Never master, I prostrate myself at your bare toes and rub my worthless nostrils upon them.”

“Flotsam, vileness, is floating wreckage, and jetsam is goods thrown overboard to lighten a ship. It raises an interesting point about treasure.”

“Treasure, your pointed-hattedness?”

“Yes, treasure. I sit in my study surrounded by a vast array of outré objects, yet almost all are of no value. In describing my chamber, slimeness, would we ignore these things—are adventurers only interested in treasure, or do the decorations maketh the chamber?”

Not everything in the dungeon can be converted into gold, silver, and copper. Throwing in the odd curiosity can help make a place seem more real, and as a consequence, more intriguing. A demented bugbear who has a chamber of bloody axes is one thing; a demented bugbear who has a chamber of hollowed out human hands and thousands of sewing needles is quite another…

Here, then, is a collection of pointless or strange objects to pique a PC’s interest. They may be simply window dressing for your treasure troves, or they may be more. Perhaps that bent needle is a clue to a treasure trove hidden in the chamber for centuries and unopened even by its present occupier, whose clumsy attempts to pick the lock belie its amazing construction. What weird objects might lie within?

Bent hatpin, 6 in. long
Giant wig made of wolverine pelts
Hat of preserved swan heads
Dead stoat in a cage
Finger bone labeled “the Finger of Saint Rof”
Goblin writing covered in blood
Graffiti describing a 12-headed horror that lurks nearby
Harpsichord riddled with woodworm
Wizard’s hat with the word wizamo sewn into it
Stuffed cockatrice
Barrel with knives thrust into its sides
Spiked club with so many nails hammered through it that it is useless as a weapon
Titan’s helm used as a nest by hundreds of mice
Lice-covered wolverine pelt
Hourglass without sand in it
Trio of life-sized brass cockerels
Giant’s belt with a buckle made from a cartwheel
Brazier filled with moss
Perfectly spherical stone, 1 ft. across
Sack of carved wooden children’s farmyard animals
Longsword bent into a knot
Jar of pickled raven heads
Troll-tusk tankard
Section of giant-sized meat hooks
Displayed suit of full plate armor rusted completely
Display case of mounted stirge feathers
Small collection of glove puppet mites complete with gaudy costumes
Bottle filled with green slime labeled “danger, bottle contains green slime”
Pile of 16 rusted sledge hammer heads
Amphora filled with dried grass and leaves
Huge, rusted, sprung mousetrap holding a dead dire mouse
Fake leather snake
Wooden sign saying “danger, do not enter” lying on the floor
Bell jar filled with troglodyte eyes
An elaborate brass bound door with horrendously deep scratches on one side
The book Know Your Darkmantles
Collection of 12 decreasingly sized wagon wheels in a pile
Fake red bushy beard for a large humanoid
Hollowed mammoth foot holder with eight gnarled, small-sized walking sticks with bat handles
Selection of red hats
Bucket of fake theatrical snow made of cotton
Rhino-head mask
Leather purse filled with rotten teeth
Six empty beehives
Corked bottle containing 100-year-old water
Windmill sail
Life-sized carved wooden aboleth
Barrel of acorns
Rhemoraz-tooth necklace
Barrel of melted wax
Puppet bugbear
Foldable 10-ft. pole
Jar of pickled kobold hands
Metal breastplate with an enormous bite taken out of it
Scattered set of rusty thieves’ tools with blood stains
Coracle sized for a tiny passenger
Completely flat metal snuff box with an ape motif
20 mirror frames without mirror glass
A 6-ft.-high decorated urn depicting flocking stirges
Selection of small rusty kitchen utensils with a thistle-headed crest
Anchor designed like an enraged kraken
Large gorgon jug
Set of brass poultry chess pieces
A drawer-less cabinet
Bucket of enormous rusty keys
Collection of toy clay gnolls
Set of fake wooden teeth
Cake mold in the shape of a starfish
A stuffed sloth
Pile of spellbook covers without pages
Model galley made of chicken bones
Broken cider press
Set of chimney cleaning brushes labeled with names
The ashes of Imply Smithy of Fen on the Fen, in a simple labeled pot
Fisherman’s net with a gigantic hole in it
Trio of choker-hand candlesticks
Polished cloak stand with griffon-head hooks
Sack of blunted meat cleavers
Belt of kitten tails
An enormous gnawed bone with huge teeth marks in it
Sign saying “beware pit”
Jar of crimson ink
A knitted octopus
Set of fake wooden theatrical maces, axes, and morning stars
Ruler with an unfathomable, seemingly random measuring system
A double-ended lance
Carved yew ewe with a devil face
Great helm with 11 curved horns
Completely flat, dead mummified rust monster
Selection of stirge proboscis quills
Mattock head attached to an 18-ft.-long handle
Tossing caber
A dozen richly decorated javelin shafts
High leather boot with a rotting foot still in it
Penny whistle without holes
Stylized roper candelabrum
Mirror designed like a gaping whale
Fake wooden shark fin
Half-eaten disguise kit
Single enormous right boot

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