PDA

View Full Version : Funniest D&D Moment



Dr Berry
11-17-2009, 12:37 PM
I wasn't sure if there was a good forum for this, but I think there should be!

What is the funniest moment of your D&D experience, be it that time you rolled 6 nat 20's in a row to kill a huge dragon at 1st level, or just some funny diaglogue (in or out of character).

Personally, I have a couple good stories to share:

-DM: "Wait, are you both next to the hole?"
-Player: "That's what she said!"

The other one involves a little more background. I was playing with my family, and an NPC had a bone amulet that was central to the story. Anyway, my mom got a little tongue-tied, and asked if she could examine his boner. For a second, nobody wanted to laugh, but then my dad cracks up and then everyone is laughing their heads off.

Good times :)

Q-man
11-18-2009, 07:51 AM
We come across this illusoinsary floor (actually a pit filled with acidic Gelatinous Cubes) Everyone but the thief falls in. He finds a secret passage that circumvents the pit. Its dark, so he's moving at 1/2 speed. Everyone in the pit is immediately set upon by 2 huge Gellatinous Cubes. The monk falls directly into one of the cubes and has to fight his way out. Over the 2 rounds he's in the cube everything he has that is not Migical starts to dissolve. As a Monk, all he's wearing are robes and they dissolve immediately. His only magic items are 2 healing potions. The monks fight my way out and thanks to his increased monk speed manages to run to the opposite side if the trap and climb out through the imaginary floor. At this exact time the thief finally crawls his way through the secret passage and opens the hidden to the other side of the trap.

The DM - "You quietly crack open the door and see the passage way on the other side of the trap. You then see the monk. Completely naked. Breathing hard. Covered in some sort of clear goo and holding a potion in each hand..."

Thief - "I close the door"

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
11-18-2009, 09:49 AM
Barbarian is being attacked (player is playing his first dnd game).

DM asks him what he would like to do.

His response: I hit him with my +3 chainmail.

Dr.Dead
11-20-2009, 09:36 AM
Well there was 9 of us at the table looking for a part of a cube that can time travel we were looking for a historic building and we saw a ziggeraut and we all said its under the ziggeraut and all started running to the building. then there was a bunch of bad guys on top peppering us with arrows killed about 4 of us the rest made it barely but we knew that the monsters were coming killed 2 more and the last 3 characters a magic user, fighter, and a cleric. as we killed the last of the monsters we found out that the piece of the cube was not there and found a clue where might the cube might be at. everyone but the 3 got pissed off and left but we dont care there is alway's more to join.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
11-20-2009, 09:41 AM
Okay, same barbarian but earlier on. He steals from another barbarian. When caught, he makes a run for it. Realizing he is losing and about to be caught and in fear of his life he exclaims "i drink my oil if invisibility!" This must have happend sometime in 1981.

Ah, funny times.

Grandore The Giant Killer
11-21-2009, 11:12 AM
Oh man I got so many funny stories in D&D with the group I play with you don't realize. One of my characters is a Fey Touch Drow Warlock that drives my DM insane because he is NUTS. And when I say nuts I don't mean psychotic I mean as in he will just start rambling on and on and on and on about the weirdest things. So I was going across a bridge and was stopped by a guard. That was when the fun REALLY began.

Guard: That'll be 2 gold in order to pass over the bridge.

Me: Ok then give me 2 gold.

Guard: Ummm no you mustn't of heard me. You give me 2 gold.

Me: Yes like I said give me 2 gold.

Guard: No you give me 2 gold!

Me: Yes I know! Then give 2 gold!

(The guard calls over another guard)

Guard 2: Alright! You give him 2 gold and give me 2 gold!

Me: alright then give me 2 gold!

Guard 1: Oh for the love of god!

(More guards show up)

Guard 3: alright! You give me 10 gold and the rest 2 gold!

Me: Alright then give me 5 gold!

Guard 1: Alright that's it! Do you want us to kill you?!

Me: No I prefer tea over coffee but thanks for asking!

(Guards pull out weapons)

Me: Nuh uh uh uh... I wouldn't do that if I were you!

Guard: And why not!?

Me: Because that's not nice!!!

DM: WHAT?! How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?!


Oh man that character has driven my DM insane on many occasions. However he loves that character because I roleplay him so well. Have you ever had a character get into a showdown with a Werewolf and said "The first thing I do is give him a big ole hug saying who's a good kitty?"

Pushkins
11-22-2009, 02:18 AM
This was long ago and complete details of the entire adventure elude me.

Playing 2E a 4 player group, group comprised of 1 paladin, 2 fighters and a thief. We went looking for an ancient burial mound, when we found it the paladin got all noble and would not disturb the resting place, so he waited outside. Inside was a chaotic mess, the thief kept springing traps, but somehow we made it to the main burial chamber, mind you at some point on the way there 2 of the fighters got in a screaming match on a set of stairs where one was threaten to throw a pot of greek fire on another.

We make it to the central chamber, which has a narrow bridge with a 90' drop all around. the Bridge leads to the center of the room where a round area likewise sits above a 90 foot drop, in the center is a sarcophagus. Which while attempting to break in to awakens a vampire. Again total chaos. One of the fighters is in total panic as we all are getting pounded on by lightning bolts from the vamp, this one fighter has the idea he needs a wooden stake, so he uses a quall's feather token tree. Boom huge tree, not only does this catch members of the party sending them up into the branches of the tree, it also grows so high it begins to break apart the ceiling. Which wasn't so bad of a turnout since it exposed the chamber to sunlight and gave us a few areas where the vampire couldn't go. The vamp lights the tree on fire with more lightning but eventually we kill it with our magic swords. We all laugh a bit about the tree and one guys scrambling for a wooden stake. The ceiling had caved in, exposing a large hole to the top of the burial mound, The paladin is then seen looking down, and he lowers a rope down 45 feet to our perch in this massive chamber. The thief has the bag of holding and volunteers to take the loot up in it, we all agree. The thief is first up and first out of the hole. who turns punches the paladin off the top of the mound, and cuts the rope. The rest of us drop 40 feet back down and the thief makes a run for it. The paladin is now confused, he has to help us get out but wants vengeance on the thief. He quickly lowers another rope and is give 3 shots at extreme range to shoot the thief running across the farm fields.
First shot, miss. Second shot, harder and miss again

third and final shot, extremely hard. Natural 20, and crit ( we played some nasty crits in the day) which drops the thief. Thinking he can deal with the traitor after he helps the rest of the party the paladin gets us up and out of the hole, and heals us since both the fight and the free fall has seriously wounded the rest of the party. Meanwhile a farmer comes by the unconscious thief in his field and picks him up to help him out and brings him to a town. Which town, who knows that bastard got away :mad::lol:

Eryiedes
11-22-2009, 09:10 AM
Can not be told in daylight.

Peace & Light (...& use your imagination)

D20 Xanatos
11-26-2009, 02:54 AM
Let's see where to begin... I first started playing when I was 12 years old. I was playing a Gray Elf Druid.

The party consisted of:
Laucian Nailo - Gray Elf - Druid
Turama Kai - Half Orc - Barbarian
Tealeaf - Human - Fighter
Quarion - Half-Elf - Rogue
Vain - Dwarf - Fighter
(This was my first campaign and we were all 12 and 13, please be merciful, we knew not what rules we were breaking)

Before I begin, you probably won't appreciate the humor unless you understand Tealeaf. Tealeaf, was an eccentric, tea obsessed fighter who couldn't be left alone under any circumstances.

For one reason or another, we had been traveling through Wood Elf territory and Turama Kai pissed them off. I don't remember what was said, but it was something remarkably racist and demeaning towards elves.

The party was bound to trees and incapable of breaking free. Which is when the eccentric Tealeaf (who had been drinking tea prior to our capture) poured blazing hot tea from his mouth onto the bindings, burning them off (I know, I know).

Tealeaf freed the rest of us, however, the Dwarf and the Half-Orc were too noisy for us to escape unnoticed. We were pursued by 500 wood-elves (can you tell the DM didn't want us to leave the forest?)

When it became clear that we wouldn't escape, Tealeaf came sliding to a stop and turned as though deciding to hold them off.

The party cried for Tealeaf to hurry up but he wouldn't listen.

Drawing two tea cups from his bag he awaited the horde of elves. Just when it seemed he was going to be trampled, he announced with a dramatic voice "I am one with the Tea Tree!" and struck a pose. This pose was so absurd that apparantly the Elves subconscious erased it from view, as they rushed past him to continue after us.

Tealeaf, turned and went in the opposite direction from the elves, leaving us out to dry.

In my second campaign, I ( in a joking manner) asked my DM if I could attempt to invent carbonated drinks. The DM chuckled and told me to roll the d20 and if it came up on a 20 he'd assume I developed a formula. Well, a 20 was indeed rolled. Now 7 years later, that character has evolved and grown for more serious adventures but maintains Craft (Soda) on his character sheet.

nijineko
11-27-2009, 03:05 AM
very amusing, all. (smiles)

Dr.Dead
11-28-2009, 01:09 AM
O here is a new one alright I had a 1st lvl dwarf cleric and my buddy was playing a 6th lvl fighter with me and we got ambushed so we did are int. to see who goes 1st and of corse the fighter does and he attacks the weakest monster because it was the nearest monster to him and misses then it was my turn and attcked the toughest monster and I hit with a crit. the fight goes on about 8 rounds with me laughing at my buddy because my 1st lvl cleric beat the crap out of this lvl 5 dude and this lvl 6 fighter could not hit a 1/2 CR creature with next to no AC lol.

I guess its the luck of the dice right.:laugh:

traesin
12-01-2009, 04:16 AM
You know the joke about attacking a gazebo? Yup. It happen in one of my first gaming groups. It took us almost 10 minutes to explain what a gazebo was. It didn't help we were laughing at the same time.

nijineko
12-02-2009, 12:32 AM
i've read the original story of that too, great read. ^^

cplmac
12-02-2009, 06:42 PM
Way too many to choose from. There is always at least once per game session that we all bust out laughing like crazy. One that comes to mind is when the party was trying to think of how to take care of an obsticle, suddenly we hear from the steps, "Hey!, The dog just ate my pickle!" It took about 20 minutes for the group to get over that one.

Datenshi_noh_Kai
12-03-2009, 06:17 PM
Hmm, I've had a couple so I guess I start with this one:

I was DM-ing a last minute 2e AD&D game for 3 others; a Wizard, a Thief, & a cleric The players had just reached the "end" the dungeon & were heading out. The cleric went ahead to tend to a dead villager about 30 feet away from the others. The Wizard stops & adjusts his loot, at the same time the Thief wrote on a piece of paper & wanted to secretly steal a few gp from the Wizard as a joke.

Well, he succeeded & then proceeded to run away screaming

Thief: "It's all mine now wizard! Ha Ha Ha!"

Wizard (who has know idea what was stolen): "Ah! I take out my wand of hold person and-!"

Me (interrupting): You do not possess the wand it's-"

Wizard: What!? why that bastard! I cast fireball!"

Me: *facepalm*

After the Thief explodes, The Wizard runs up & looks for the Rod.

Wizard: "I search the thief's body for my wand!"

While I'm fighting to hold in my laughter, & say manage to tell the wizard he cannot find the rod. He becomes angrier & asks "where the hell is it?!".

During the commotion the Cleric runs over with the (now alive) villager & pushes the wizard & demands to know why he toasted the Thief, the wizard explains the situation & the Cleric yells: "How can he steal something that you left over there!"

Wiz: "What are you talking about?!"

Me: Remember Rob, you dropped the rod during the mini-boss fight so you could draw your crossbow...It's in the other chamber. You never retrieved it.

Wiz: "...Oh...wow...sorry Thief......Good thing you have that scroll of resurrection right cleric?"

Cleric: Ummm...*point's to the villager*

Wizard: ...

:lol:

nijineko
12-05-2009, 12:39 AM
...


ouch.

Datenshi_noh_Kai
12-11-2009, 03:56 PM
...


ouch.

Ouch indeed.

VileSin
12-12-2009, 05:33 PM
After being released from prison by my party my wizard (a notorious prankster) went to another cell of prisoners, cast Invisibility on the bars, and said, "Run! Be free my friends!" Immediately several ran straight into the bars and one went unconscious. The barbarian in our group didn't stop laughing for about 15 minutes which is about how long it took for the game to get going again.

scars_of_carma
12-14-2009, 12:29 AM
-DM: "Wait, are you both next to the hole?"
-Player: "That's what she said!"

The other one involves a little more background. I was playing with my family, and an NPC had a bone amulet that was central to the story. Anyway, my mom got a little tongue-tied, and asked if she could examine his boner. For a second, nobody wanted to laugh, but then my dad cracks up and then everyone is laughing their heads off.

Good times :)

Atually that sounds like the strangest night of D&D I've ever heard of... you play with your parents??? That's cool if they are into it... I just never heard of anyones parents doing that before.

If my mom ever uttered those words in my presence I would gag and leave the room lol... but I had a lousy childhood so...

*Ahem* anyways here's one of my funny stories...

I started playing D&D when I was 11. So I make this knight character in 2nd edition and equip him with a heavy-lance... I didn't even know what a lance was and neither did anyone else... :rolleyes:

We climb down into the sewers on foot in search of "the rat king" (OMG TMNT). ...How and why I would carry a heavy-lance around in the sewers I have no idea... so we find the rat king in a chamber sitting on a big throne like 20 ft away. I win initiative over everybody and declare I throw my lance at the rat king!... rolled a 20, crit, killed him dead... :lol:

...But how do you throw a lance??! :confused:

Dr Berry
12-14-2009, 09:37 AM
Yeah but really D&D is just a big board game in some ways, and it's just a family game night.

WhiskeyFur
12-14-2009, 04:32 PM
Speaking about lances... paladin charged my fighter once and rolled a one. End result, knight went pole vaulting over me and right into the pig trough.

It was one of those moments of confusion as my fighter wonders where the knight's going. The knights response when he has a hard time getting back up?

Knight: "Ah... help me out of here... please?"

That was how my fighter and a player's paladin met.
--- Merged from Double Post ---

After being released from prison by my party my wizard (a notorious prankster) went to another cell of prisoners, cast Invisibility on the bars, and said, "Run! Be free my friends!" Immediately several ran straight into the bars and one went unconscious. The barbarian in our group didn't stop laughing for about 15 minutes which is about how long it took for the game to get going again.

You sir, are evil. :)

Swordnboard
12-16-2009, 12:22 PM
Wow, you have a couple classics there.

One story one of my groups likes to repeat is from a Werewolves game we played once...

We had an engineering student with a mystic-type werewolf, another guy with a werewolf with superhuman lower body strength (but not upper), and a couple others. The group ran into a door that was closed.

First, the mystic started asking questions like "what's the door made of", "what kind of steel", "what's its melting point". When that line of questions got nowhere, he began a chant to break down the door (but it was time consuming).

Impatient for the chanting, the guy with huge lower body strength says "I want to kick the door down". The DM allows it and... the big guy critically fails his roll and not only doesn't open the door but breaks his leg in the process.

Finally a level-headed person in the group approaches the door and says "I turn the knob"

The DM moves his arms in a sweeping gesture, saying: "The door opens"....

cigamnogard
12-18-2009, 08:40 PM
Finally a level-headed person in the group approaches the door and says "I turn the knob"

The DM moves his arms in a sweeping gesture, saying: "The door opens"....

LOL - I do that all the time as a DM

Grandore The Giant Killer
12-21-2009, 11:52 AM
I got another hilarious moment that happened fairly recently.



We were in a dark realm and we ran across a Hellish Knight. There were 4 of us. My Barbarian, A mage, a ranger, and a warlord... So here is how things went...

Mage shot the knight with an ice attack... No effect... He ran like hell...

Ranger Shot him with a poison arrow... No effect... He ran like hell...

Warlord stepped up and attacked him with a fire weapon... No effect... He ran like helll...


I came up to him and uppercutted the knight with my 5d20 White Mitheral Sonic Warhammer.... All my DM said was "You know how in Super Smash Brothers you can send opponents flying into the background? Well yeah you sent him flying over the castle...."

newsteadmission
12-21-2009, 01:46 PM
Greetings, I am new here and I figured a good way to start off here was to tell you one of the funniest moments in my most recent campaign.

Campaign setting was the first 4E campaign. We had a wizard, a bard, and myself...a warlock. As we went through the old ruins where the portal was being opened or already open, we didn't know. We had gotten to the mummified knight, his name escapes my mind at this moment, before we had gotten to him and opened his stone casket we had camped out. Well our bard decided to change classes and the DM approved, now keep in mind our entire part was neutral with the exception of the wizard...he was good, so our bard made an elaborate story on how he discovered he was a warforged warrior. We came back the following week and we discovered this and he was very much evil because we soon found out that he would kill anything "good" in this world. We moved on and before we opened the knights casket our new warrior jumped on top of the casket and drew his sword and stabbed it as if he were trying to penetrate the stone. Instead he shattered it and fell down inside of it and the knight as scripted stuck his sword in the air and our wonderful warrior took that as a threat and attacked the good knight. We were level 5 at the time and he attacked this undead knight that was somehow good, this was comical to me. I jumped in to help my friend and our wizard told us to stop but we didn't. After all I wasn't quite sure what happened it was so quick, I was just helping a friend. The wizard had left the room and wen to the nearby altar and prayed. Now if you all have played this beginner campaign you would know that you really shouldn't attack this knight...it even states in the DM notes that you would be crazy to because the guy has like 400 HP. between myself and our warrior we had successfully take him to bloodied in a matter of 4 rounds and then out wizard came in and used something that healed the knight for roughly 84 HP and then he retreated and hid from us while our butts got whooped. Before we died we had escaped the ruins. Our wizard friend then came out of hiding and addressed the knight and got the magical sword from the knight. Now while the wizard was leaving the ruins the warrior and I had gotten a short rest and decided to ambush the wizard. Thus begins the PK portion of this story.

I followed this warrior around not sure what person I wanted to kill, whether it was the warrior or the wizard. I decided it was best to let the coin to decide. I flipped it and it landed on tails. I had already decided tails was for the wizard and that was to be my target. I took aim and threw everything I could at him and both the warrior and I were unable to kill him, I had gotten him to 4 HP and he used an action card custom made by our DM to freeze enemies in a burst 3 as well as double that players speed. He had gotten us both and we were unable to move for 4 rounds while he fled. We then went back to town and hired ninaran, the hunter that was hanging out in the tavern. we decided to eat and drink that night with ninaran. Little did we know that the wizard was gathering the guards and the mayor as well the as the wizard that lived in the tower to bring us in for our crimes. They had found us in the tavern and this is where the fun began. The guard questioned us before doing anything to check for legitimacy of our former friend's claims. Now the wizard had no idea the warrior had readied an action. He waited for one of the wizards comments to insult him and out of nowhere he drew his sword and instantly crit him with a natural 20. To add to the existing 30 some odd damage done from that crit he too used action cards, one of them increased the damage by 50% and the other doubled the damage after the 50% increase. The Guards and everyone including myself witnessed an amazing decapitation. I couldn't believe what I had seen, it was so awesome it was funny and I laughed for an hour. My face hurt so much the next day from the laughing...and thus ends my funniest moment in D&D. "Mom was right, I should have been a necromancer..."

cigamnogard
12-22-2009, 12:22 AM
Have posted this elsewhere but this also seems the "right" place:
One of my fondest D&D moments was when my Satyr barbarian reliased that he was coming out of his rage next round, the wizard was dead, invisible, and out of spells (no teleport out of the middle of the enemy's base camp), and the haflling rogue was hurt bad. The mission was accomplished the bad guy leader was dead. We had cut the head off the enemy - now we just had to survive the thrashing around!
My character sheathed his sword, grabbed the rogue, and began walking out of the enemy armies encampment.
Yes he is fatigued, but he is a satyr (base speed 40) barbarian (+10 speed) which means he can move at 50/round. Our enemies humans in full plate = 20 / round unless they charge = 40 / round or try to chase = triple move = 60 / round but cannot attack.
Yes! We had ourselves a chase!
Did the characters make it - no, the wizard was already dead ;) but yes, the rogue and the satyr made it :)

Suzaku
12-22-2009, 06:09 AM
Hmm, I've had a couple so I guess I start with this one:

I was DM-ing a last minute 2e AD&D game for 3 others; a Wizard, a Thief, & a cleric The players had just reached the "end" the dungeon & were heading out. The cleric went ahead to tend to a dead villager about 30 feet away from the others. The Wizard stops & adjusts his loot, at the same time the Thief wrote on a piece of paper & wanted to secretly steal a few gp from the Wizard as a joke.

Well, he succeeded & then proceeded to run away screaming

Thief: "It's all mine now wizard! Ha Ha Ha!"

Wizard (who has know idea what was stolen): "Ah! I take out my wand of hold person and-!"

Me (interrupting): You do not possess the wand it's-"

Wizard: What!? why that bastard! I cast fireball!"

Me: *facepalm*

After the Thief explodes, The Wizard runs up & looks for the Rod.

Wizard: "I search the thief's body for my wand!"

While I'm fighting to hold in my laughter, & say manage to tell the wizard he cannot find the rod. He becomes angrier & asks "where the hell is it?!".

During the commotion the Cleric runs over with the (now alive) villager & pushes the wizard & demands to know why he toasted the Thief, the wizard explains the situation & the Cleric yells: "How can he steal something that you left over there!"

Wiz: "What are you talking about?!"

Me: Remember Rob, you dropped the rod during the mini-boss fight so you could draw your crossbow...It's in the other chamber. You never retrieved it.

Wiz: "...Oh...wow...sorry Thief......Good thing you have that scroll of resurrection right cleric?"

Cleric: Ummm...*point's to the villager*

Wizard: ...

:lol:

Ummmm that's not funny... Barring some unknown factor it is assumed that the wizard picked up the rod and thus would've been able to hold the thief. Do characters starve because the players forgot to say they eat their rations? Do your players have to remind the dm when and how many times they use the bathroom?:rolleyes:

Datenshi_noh_Kai
12-23-2009, 01:38 PM
Ummmm that's not funny... Barring some unknown factor it is assumed that the wizard picked up the rod and thus would've been able to hold the thief. Do characters starve because the players forgot to say they eat their rations? Do your players have to remind the dm when and how many times they use the bathroom?:rolleyes:

The game was just for fun, it wasn't serious & the only reason I let the events play out as such is because It was humorous at the time.

One my players ("Rob" the Wizard) was still new to the game at the time & had a bad habit of blurting out what he does without thinking it through entirely. This caused some problems in roleplaying situations & other random times. The Thief knew this & that's why he wanted to mess with him since the session was essentially over then. The Cleric picked up on what was going on & I played along as well.

It's not like the Thief "really" died, the whole thing was a random prank that evolved into something greater. I personally thought it to be humorous, but I guess not everyone sees it as such. :rolleyes:

Nevek
12-23-2009, 03:54 PM
Reminds me of the time, during what had to be my first 3 months of play DnD back in public school.

My halfing theif decided he was going to be on fire duty for the camp. we were a day outside of town during the late summer. Long story short, literal DM's, dry season, and a low level fire building skill (don't remember exactly what its called in second edition, but i remember there being one) didn't turn out well. Our party had to escape the flames and then travel all the way around the town to make it seem like we came from a different direction. Even then it took some convincing to excuse the smell of smoke and fire from clothes.

nijineko
12-24-2009, 02:31 AM
The game was just for fun, it wasn't serious & the only reason I let the events play out as such is because It was humorous at the time.

One my players ("Rob" the Wizard) was still new to the game at the time & had a bad habit of blurting out what he does without thinking it through entirely. This caused some problems in roleplaying situations & other random times. The Thief knew this & that's why he wanted to mess with him since the session was essentially over then. The Cleric picked up on what was going on & I played along as well.

It's not like the Thief "really" died, the whole thing was a random prank that evolved into something greater. I personally thought it to be humorous, but I guess not everyone sees it as such. :rolleyes:

i see the humor in it. ^^ it can be quite amusing (from a safe distance) to observe the antics of the newly minted and otherwise randomly not paying attention players in a game. =D

Frobozz
12-28-2009, 05:59 PM
Way back when I was in the RPGA, I made a character for what they called "Living City", which was basically a first-stab attempt at having persistent characters at convention events.

I re-created one of my favorite D&D characters, a barbarian lovingly called "Og the Destroyer". I couldn't make him a half-ogre as his tabletop equivalent, but I could make him a large human. Og had a maxed-out strength and almost maxed out constitution, and consequently, had a pretty weak intelligence and wisdom (I didn't use charisma as a dump-stat for him).

He also talked in broken english. Living City was point-based, so in the end, after asking the judge if I could put LESS than 6 points in a stat (rules stated 6 was the minimum, the judge said "I don't see why, but sure..."), I had Og. Massive in body, tiny on mind, first level, wielding a Two-Handed Sword +1 (you could take a single simple magic item) that he could attack twice in the first round and once in the second (ahh... those 2nd edition alternating 2/1 attack rounds).

We go around the table. Six of us, which is standard in most RPGA events. Everyone introduces themselves. Most are true roleplayers and start introducing their characters in perfect faux-english medieval accents telling of their lineage and might; each one taking about 2 to 4 minutes giving background... then it gets to me.

"ME OG!! OG SMASH!!" *thumps chest for effect*

---unsettling silence as the rest of the group stare wide-eyed at me wondering if there was anything else to this---

DM: "So... what else does Og do?"

Me: "Uhhh.... OG EAT!! SOMETIME OG EAT WHAT OG SMASH!!"
I then go into a detailed physical description of Og the Destroyer for the other player's benefits and pretty much leave them with the unspoken idea that if they want more about Og, they'll have to ask him themselves.


The game starts. We're tasked to go to the other end of town and retrieve something for an alchemist. We start heading out. Suddenly, a 10yr old kid comes running from a dark alley screaming "Help help! My sister is being mugged!" It's the most obvious set-up for an ambush you could have. None of the other party members fall for it and begin questioning the kid. Og draws his sword and goes charging into the alley.

He's the ONLY one to go charging into the alley.

DM: "Six thieves jump from the shadows brandishing short swords. Og is serious outnumbered"...

Me: "Og grins viciously and attacks the first one..." *roll... hit...14 points of damage... dead*

Me: "Second attack, his return sweep goes for the second one..." *roll... hit... 13 points of damage... dead*

DM: "Thieves turn.. they stab at Og!" *roll-miss, roll-hit, 2 points, roll-miss, roll-miss (only the closest 4 can attack, Og has like 12 HP at level 1)* "Back to Og"

---the rest of the party are STILL interrogating the kid! The DM tells them they think they hear sword fighting in the alley---

Me: "Og tries to run the third thief through!" *roll-hit... 15 points of damage*

DM: "Jeez! What's Og's MINIMUM damage he can do in a strike?!"

Me: "9"

DM: "He's dead, just tell me if he hits! The thieves attack..." *roll-miss, roll-hit 3 points of damage, roll-miss*

Me: "Og arcs his massive blade in a twirling motion and goes to behead the 4th thief..." *roll...hit...* "...then reverses his arc slicing into the 5th thief" *roll...hit...*

---FINALLY, the rest of the party is running up into the alley to see what happened to Og---

DM: "The last thief cowers and wets himself as Og strides up to him having killed five of his guildmates single-handedly. It's too late for him to run; there's no escape... he lashes out feebly" *rolls...miss*

---The rest of the party are now finally IN the alley and see the bloody carnage---

DM: "Suddenly... SIX MORE thieves jump down into the alley from the surrounding rooftops! Everyone else roll initiative! Og, you're up."

Me: "Og walks up to the last of the original group of thieves and just brains him on the forehead with his sword's pommel." *roll...hit... 9 points subdual damage, thief is out cold*

Me: "Og turns around and with sword over his shoulder walks past everyone fighting thieves and mutters to no one in particular: 'OG DO ALL WERK! NOW YOU TURN! OG GET BEER.' and leaves the alley the way he came in search of the nearest tavern."

The DM was laughing his ass off. One of the players playing something like a cavalier was going "Wait! Og! More thieves Og! We need you! Come back!!"

cigamnogard
12-28-2009, 06:14 PM
"Wait! Og! More thieves Og! We need you! Come back!!"

I love it!

Geode
01-03-2010, 06:48 AM
I was wanderin' around town, waiting for the time when the rest of the party was to meet up.
DM: You see an angry mob of people pouring out of the streets near you.
I critical'd on my perception check and noticed that two of my companions were at the very front of the crowd being chased. All of the mob had wine flasks.

Hrm... wine flasks? I didn't think to use an insight check on that. I just followed the crowd to see what happened. Eventually, they were caught and dragged before the guards.

Their crime? They teamed used presditigitation on water to turn it into 'wine.' Of course, presditigitation doesn't last forever...

They had to give up the scammed money, and most of the rest of their money (we were only level 1, you can imagine our wallets).

Then one of the same people tried to do it again in my campaign. I laughed as the exact same thing happened.

Otakar
01-03-2010, 11:12 AM
DM: "So... what else does Og do?"

Me: "Uhhh.... OG EAT!! SOMETIME OG EAT WHAT OG SMASH!!"

Frobozz, I rarely laugh at posts but this one made me bust-up. Well done!
Thanks.

WhiskeyFur
01-04-2010, 04:30 PM
The DM was laughing his ass off. One of the players playing something like a cavalier was going "Wait! Og! More thieves Og! We need you! Come back!!"

Trying not to bust out laughing here 'cause I'm at work but... I can't begin to tell you how many shades of WRONG that was. Very nice!

cplmac
01-04-2010, 07:10 PM
Frobozz, had I been the DM of that game, you would have been awarded bonus experience for exceptional roleplay.

Frobozz
01-05-2010, 10:20 AM
Thank you. It was a great game too. Og was the most out of place character in this group. It was especially funny since I was sitting at the table to the GM's right, and he started introductions going around the left so I was last. After hearing everyone's elaborate character descriptions and the look on their faces when I opened up with "ME OG!!" was priceless. It was a "Oh my God, what am I getting into?!" moment.

Og kinda was the 6'11" puppy of the group most of the game. The kid playing the cavalier was trying to roleplay with everyone and get chummy with them. One guy I remember played a wizard and roleplayed well the "dark and mysterious" personality. Every response he gave the cavalier had just the right hint of "go away and don't talk to me again" to it. When the cavalier tried to chummy up to Og a little later in the game, he was going on about something (he roleplayed VERY well, he was very fluent and longwinded. A perfect personality for his cavalier) and my response was "Og has been kinda staring ahead the whole time as you walked; you're not even sure he's been paying any attention at first but then he looks down at you and goes 'YOU FUNNY' and with his massive hand pats you on the head and chuckles heh heh."

At one point, we got to a shop we needed to hit up for this alchemist, but they were closed. The group started discussing how to get in and Og just stood silently there. Suddenly, someone offered the brilliant idea to knock. Og suddenly stepped up and goes "OG KNOCK! OG GOOD AT KNOCK!!" he then lifted his boot and kicks the door in going "KNOCK!!!". I rolled and the door is kicked off the hinges. The party was horrified and started looking around for guards and/or witnesses. The rogue though, quick on the ball, slipped into the shop, spotted the herbs needed and snagged them and before we even realized what he was doing, came out with a "Come on! we gotta get out of here!" and we all shuffled off of slightly guiltier consciousnesses (well, except for the rogue who morally didn't care, and Og who was too dumb to care).

cigamnogard
01-07-2010, 03:28 PM
Suddenly, someone offered the brilliant idea to knock. Og suddenly stepped up and goes "OG KNOCK! OG GOOD AT KNOCK!!" he then lifted his boot and kicks the door in going "KNOCK!!!". I rolled and the door is kicked off the hinges.
Me like Og!

Vickul
01-08-2010, 03:07 PM
Me like Og!

:lol:Me too! My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Swordnboard
01-08-2010, 03:37 PM
Og the Destroyer is an instant classic. I like roleplaying that character type!

Datenshi_noh_Kai
01-08-2010, 05:43 PM
Thank you. It was a great game too. Og was the most out of place character in this group. It was especially funny since I was sitting at the table to the GM's right, and he started introductions going around the left so I was last. After hearing everyone's elaborate character descriptions and the look on their faces when I opened up with "ME OG!!" was priceless. It was a "Oh my God, what am I getting into?!" moment.

Og kinda was the 6'11" puppy of the group most of the game. The kid playing the cavalier was trying to roleplay with everyone and get chummy with them. One guy I remember played a wizard and roleplayed well the "dark and mysterious" personality. Every response he gave the cavalier had just the right hint of "go away and don't talk to me again" to it. When the cavalier tried to chummy up to Og a little later in the game, he was going on about something (he roleplayed VERY well, he was very fluent and longwinded. A perfect personality for his cavalier) and my response was "Og has been kinda staring ahead the whole time as you walked; you're not even sure he's been paying any attention at first but then he looks down at you and goes 'YOU FUNNY' and with his massive hand pats you on the head and chuckles heh heh."

At one point, we got to a shop we needed to hit up for this alchemist, but they were closed. The group started discussing how to get in and Og just stood silently there. Suddenly, someone offered the brilliant idea to knock. Og suddenly stepped up and goes "OG KNOCK! OG GOOD AT KNOCK!!" he then lifted his boot and kicks the door in going "KNOCK!!!". I rolled and the door is kicked off the hinges. The party was horrified and started looking around for guards and/or witnesses. The rogue though, quick on the ball, slipped into the shop, spotted the herbs needed and snagged them and before we even realized what he was doing, came out with a "Come on! we gotta get out of here!" and we all shuffled off of slightly guiltier consciousnesses (well, except for the rogue who morally didn't care, and Og who was too dumb to care).

:lol: "OG Good at knock!"

Sascha
01-10-2010, 04:22 PM
From last night's game: the party clearing out a mine of nasty dwarven monk-types and their hired-assassin shapeshifters. We started deep in the mines, due to a neato portal-gateway, working our way to the outside. At the entrance was a village of frost giants; except we heard "snow giants". Since we already established snow ogres as "snogres," we applied the same convention to the giants, dubbing them "sniants".

The words "She blinded me with sniants" were uttered shortly thereafter ...

Frobozz
01-11-2010, 10:39 AM
Sno, did you go snuff the sniants and snarf their sneasure? :D

Back in college, I ran a D&D Undermountain campaign. One of my frat brothers, a guy named Dave, never came to the table without a case of beer or some of his homemade wine which was affectionately called Dave's Black Death. Typically, by the end of the night, he was lit pretty good. He played a gnomish wild-mage named Heinrich who has as his familiar a booze-hound fairy dragon he named Nahals (after the wildmage spell "Nahal's Reckless Dweomer) who would typically sit in his backpack, guzzling anything and everything alcoholic.

Some of Dave's more memorable moments:

Dave: while very drunk, knocks forehead against the gaming table repeatedly "I cast 'head-through-wall'! I know I got that spell!" (he was trying to cast 'Passwall' to peek into the next room)


Dave: I cast Nahal's! (as in Nahal's Reckless Dweomer; the rest of the party would immediately shout in their need to dive for cover at this point)
Me: Ok, what spell are you trying to cast with it...
Dave: Uhh.... I cast Nahal's with it!
Me: ...so, you're using Nahal's Reckless Dweomer to cast Nahal's Reckless Dweomer??
Dave: Hell yea! Nahal's to the infinite power!
The rest of the party weren't just diving for cover at this point, they were hi-tailing it out of there and I flipped to the section on "Spellfire" as he blew off every level of memorized spell he had in a vortex of Spellfire. When the party went to see if there was anything left to resurrect, I explained there was a reverse shadow of a gnome on the wall... like from a nuclear blast. They did actually resurrect him eventually.


Me: The room is weird, the east wall seems illusionary, you can walk into it, and after about ten feet, you suddenly appear stepping out from the west wall. The west wall though is perfectly solid, so it only works one way (I actually had something hiding in that 10 feet of illusion, the teleport/portal effect happened if you want too far into it)
Dave: I cast a fireball at the east wall!
Everyone: DIVE OUT OF THE ROOM!
Me: Everyone but Dave roll to dive out of the room... Dave, roll damage, you just fireballed Heinrich in the back... (and back then in 2nd ed D&D, fireballs were the big, mamba-jamba room detonating kind!)


Me: (after yet another casting of Dave's favorite spell) Dave, the Nahal's you cast has two wild surges... the first turns you bright pink, the second polymorphs you into... (rolls, recovers from a minute of laughter) ...a fairy dragon.
Dave: WHAT?! I'm a pink fairy dragon?!
Me: (in his familiar's high pitched drunken voice): Hey baby! Goin' my way?

jonnyrockshard
01-12-2010, 03:26 AM
I vote that Frobozz starts telling more stories. Every last one of them is hilarious.

Otakar
01-12-2010, 09:55 AM
Here! Here! More Heinrich! More Og! Frobozz, give us more!

cplmac
01-12-2010, 01:01 PM
Frobozz needs to start a blog here on P&PG and put the adventures of Og and Heinrich on it.

Frobozz
01-12-2010, 04:11 PM
Funny you mention that, because the original Og the Destroyer was a long-lasting NPC in that game that had Heinrich in it. Heinrich tried to kill him on several occasions and I gave him good chances to. The closest he came was by dumb luck of the dice rolls, bringing Og to exactly 1 HP. I laughed and showed the entire group Og's character sheet.

Dave was like: "I'm f*cked, aren't I?"

I nodded, rolled and told him "You're laying on your back from from burning off everything you had in a wild surge of spellfire; every cell aches. You're staring at the sun, and then, there's an eclipse. The eclipse goes "DAT PRUTTY GUD SHOT... " and then the eclipse coup-de-grace you by breaking your scrawny gnomish neck with it's size 16 boot."

*I turned to the other three in the group who let it happen... yea, they let Dave die fairly often. Most of Dave's ill-gotten treasure went to paying for resurrection*

"You see Nahals fluttering over to you struggling to carry a small sack. He drops it into Garion's hand"

Garion: "What's in it?"

Me: "Gemstones, worth a little over 1100 gold by your estimates." *changing to my high pitched Nahals voice* "You know the drill... I'm gonna go sell some of his junk for wine!" Nahals then heads over to the crushed corpse of Heinrich and plucks the ring of fire resistance from his cold, dead finger and starts fluttering off to the nearest tavern."

Dave: "HEY! Little bastard!"
Dragon (he was the party munchkin): "Shouldn't we get that ring from him?!"
Garion: "No, if we take it back, Heinrich will demand we give it back to him. If Nahals sells it, then he has no more protection from his own fireballs and he'll be more careful"
Dragon: "Ohh... good point!"

Blydden
01-15-2010, 04:56 AM
FROBOZZ RULEZ!

Ahem. While I may not have THAT many funny stories (since my characters are all dramatic, emotional spellcasters) I did DM my RL group when the assassin (let's call her by her username, Kori) decided to steal all of the goblins loot with a thievery check so that none of the other players could get a piece. She rolled a 19, and with her insane thievery bonus, it was 30-something.

With 5 other characters, (one was a GMPC. I know, I know, But I love those GMPCs and my players do too) they all rolled perception. They all got horrid rolls.

Then the gnome seeker (Kori's little brother) decided to reroll the perception check (he is a bit of a newbie) and I told him he could not. He did anyway. He got an even worse roll. So he wanted to attack Kori. I told him if he did that, and with no moral or ethical grounds to do so, the party would probably start killing him, if Kori did not.

So the gnome sekeer gave up, and Kori got 120 gold pieces richer.

Hoitash
01-15-2010, 10:59 AM
My group has this Ranger, whose kind of nuts. His backstory is at age four his mother was raped to death by gnolls, his village was slaughtered, and he had to eat his father to survive.

Yeah. Half-elves have it rough.

So we're in this jungle, and have just defeated some magically mutated raptors, and I said something stupid in character-I suck at roleplaying, but I'm a Grey Guard Paladin, so roleplay is like "tell me what I want to know or I'll smite you to next Tuesday", and his response was:

I want a monkey.

He didn't have a companion yet. Not that funny, but it through me for a few minutes.

Frobozz
01-15-2010, 04:59 PM
Muahahaha.... funny you mention cannibalism... :D

Another game, another story... at one point when I was in college in my fraternity, we started a sea-based Dragonlance game; all veteran players so starting at level 7 or so. My character was decided to be a ship's captain, so I made a wicked, grizzled, pirate / swashbuckler style character named Captain Mordecai Blight.

Our DM in addition to the six player characters he had, also asked me if he could NPC Og the Destroyer. Of course I let him.

My frat brother Jim was playing and he had a habit of making really odd-ball, unique characters. He made a Dwarven fighter named "Crunchy" or "Crunchy Dwarf" as the crew called him (his character had a 'real' name but none of us knew it in character) who was going to be the ship's cook. Knowing how Jim played, I knew to give Jim's character a wide berth since he'd most likely be psychotic.

Of course, another frat brother of mine named Arthur was playing too, and he loved playing loony characters. He chose a kender rogue who's name escapes me. Yes. We had a kender in the midst. Og the Destroyer, a psychotic dwarven cook and a kender... let the good-times roll... I only wished I was DMing this one. :)

---------

Second game session out, we get under attack by another ship. One of our guys nukes their deck with a few fireballs, but not before some flaming shot hits ours. I'm playing the captain and barking orders at the crew and telling them to put out the fires. The ships collide side to side and combat ensures. Og's sweeping people off deck and Crunchy's convincing him to save some for the stew pot. I'm fighting pirates, another guy was helping haul water up to deck to snuff out the burning fires before they caught the sails and the kender... was dumping oil on those fires because he thought it was hilarious.

I catch what he's doing and make my over to the poop deck where he's about to dump another flask on a fire that was burning at the edge of the deck. I make a grapple check on him and ask him how much he weighs. He was light, I was a fighter with a pretty hefty strength, so with one hand grabbing his belt, I start buffing out the fire with his body:

Me: "Ye..." *buff* "...not..." *buff* "...be..." *buff* "...settin..." *buff* "...fires..." *buff* "...on..." *buff* "...me..." *buff* "...ship! Get OFF!" *winged him off deck into the ocean*

The pirates were defeated at that point, and when I went back down to the main deck, I see Og and Crunchy stuffing one of them still squirming into a large cauldron. I ate rations that night.

Well, the kender swam to the other ship, which had massive sail damage so we took it in tow as bounty. Late that night, he scooted across the tow line back to our ship and then cut our prize free.

Kender: "Be free and roam the seas with all the other wild ships!"

The DM tells us there was a bit of fog that night and the ship wasn't noticed missing until too late, so we lost our prize, the kender was still running around my ship and while I couldn't directly point the finger at him in-character, I had my suspicions.

The kender was severely getting on Crunchy's and Og's nerves as well. While Og was belowdeck, he'd swipe something from Og and Og would chase after him. We'd hear *THUMP* "OWWW!!" *THUMP* "OWWW!!" *THUMP* "OWWW!!" amidst kender giggles until someone shouted down "Og, duck under the overhead rafters!!"

The kender also kept swiping food from the galley. One time, he went down there while Crunchy was working, Crunchy looks at him and says:

Crunchy: "Aww... you look hungry. Wouldya like some kender jerky?"

Kender: "Oh! You picked up some kender jerky at our last stop! I'd love some!"

Crunchy: "No... *I* made the jerky." *Makes a motion like he's handing something towards the kender and the kender responds like he's taking it and taking a big bite*

Kender: "Haha... but you're a Dwa..." *eyes go wide as he suddenly realizes that the term "kender" in "kender jerky" means "made from" and not "made by", spits it out all over the place and runs away in disgust*

Later on in the sea voyage, Crunchy began leaving loaded bear-traps around the ship with shiny trinkets on them. The kender would rob them out of spite, but a natural 1 roll later...

DM: "Crunchy, you hear a loud SNAP from belowdecks"
Jim: "I grab a meat cleaver and run down to the trap down there!"
DM: "You see the kender with his bloody arm caught in the bear trap"
Jim: "Woo hoo! Coup-de-grace him, looks like there's meat on the table tonight!"

We all ate the "Mystery Stew" the next night, in-character not knowing the kender was the mystery ingredient; though some of the guys tried to pry it out of Crunchy.

Player: "So Crunchy... what's the mystery in "Mystery Stew"?

Crunchy: "Uhh.... it's a surprise!"

Player: "Hey... where's the kender? He's always the first to scarf dinner down!"

*Everyone pauses eating except Og who continues to scarf his extra large bowl of stew. Crunchy is chuckling and failing to act innocent. One or two of the other players announce they push aside their meal. I and the rest shrugged and kept eating. Og asked for seconds*

Og: "DIS DA BESTEST FOOD!! CRUNCHY GOOD COOK!!"

Arthur was rolling up a knight chuckling at the fate of his too-annoying character

Arthur: "Wow... I've never had a character cannibalized by my party before!"

Azar
01-16-2010, 01:54 AM
One of my funny moment is when a friend of mine was playing a mentally chalenged barbarian. His name was Gary, and he bought glasses that he thought made him smarter. One day, he is running through a town and puts on his thinking glasses. One thing you should never do is tell Gary he is stupid, trust me... IT'S NOT PRETTY!!!

Well of course an NPC said something he shouldn't and Gary cleaved him in half, then the whole party had to destroy a town to survive. Some party members died. But of course you know who survived... GARY!!! He was pretty funny, but got us in alot of trouble.

Datenshi_noh_Kai
01-17-2010, 06:21 PM
Frobozz needs to start a blog here on P&PG and put the adventures of Og and Heinrich on it.
+1

I too would like to hear more of Frobozz's tales. :biggrin:

Amon Alden
01-18-2010, 01:49 AM
This just happened last week. It wasn't funny to me at the time, but it's kind of funny now.

Our party consists of an Artificer, Swordmage, Invoker, Rogue and I play a Ranger. We had a Warlord that just left the group prior to this encounter, at least for the time being.

We were surrounded by several wind elementals and a couple of mud elementals. We were kind of spread out before they showed up as we had three options to choose from to continue on. We were in an underground chasm with a river running though it that essentially had carved a 20' drop from ground to river.

The very first thing that happens, my ranger is swept into the river by wind elementals. I'm bloodied and in the river before I even knew what was going on basically.

This is where the departed warlord also takes the plunge and we haven't seen him since.

I spend the rest of the encounter trying to climb up this wall to get back into the action. I made it up the side of the wall twice but not quite to the top and fell in the water. Then I pulled out a grappling hook/rope and tried a few more times and could never make it until the rest of the party killed all the elementals and helped me up.

The dice were definitely against me on this one.

Nevek
01-18-2010, 06:15 PM
This happened in my first DnD group before I got there but the party was camping, a thief was on first watch if he stole anything everyone would be awake at least once and would notice any missing item and thus have a sleeping thief to take vengeance upon.

He didn"t like this idea so he decided to go hunt a a rabbit or something that was wandering near the camp. Got ambushed by a group of orcs or gnolls (dont remember). He got beaten to a pulp and dragged back to camp where they rendered the party unconscious.

They end up locked in a room of a broken down house or barn, the cleric decides to bust down the door. After a few hits the mace was ripping apart the door pretty well, then one of the other characters awoke to see the cleric breaking down a ricktey wooden door with a flaming mace. The burning broken pieces of the door flying around both rooms setting them on fire.

This was all the players first or second game, so the cleric forgot that his mace set things aflame. They all died because the fighter failed to wake up fast enough and had the higher strength needed to break the window bars out. The DM allowed them to go back to when the building just started on fire and replay it allowing them to wake the fighter faster.

He liked to use kind of a save game feature if say 3 of the 5 players died when we were just learning.

Frobozz
01-19-2010, 02:58 PM
The joys of a flaming weapon!

Deep in Undermountain, my gaming group came to an apparent dead end. Garion the group ranger (real man), Dragon the group fighter (munchkin) and Ellrend the group bard (real roleplayer) were searching for secret doors. Heinrich, the group wild mage (loony), was standing around watching telling them they're all mental and Og the Destroyer (NPC) was standing in the corner picking his nose.

I'm rolling all of their search rolls behind my screen. The first ten minutes of checking the stonework, they all miss their roll, but Dragon only missed it by 1, so I decided in the interest of an interesting night (there was some wild stuff past that door), I'd toss him a clue.

Me: "Dragon, you 'think' you found a secret door, but you can't seem to figure out how to get it open."

Dragon: "Guys!! I think I found something! Check this out!"

They proceed to search his area, I give them all +1 and re-roll... the dice hated them that night.

Me: "You're pretty sure there's a door here, but you haven't a clue how to open it. You fuddle around for another ten minutes... checking around the thing, on the same wall, even on the other walls for some kind of release."

Heinrich: "You guys will never get that thing open... some dungeon crawlers you are! Let's go back to the last intersection and go down that sloping passage!"

Garion: "Oh yea?! Maybe if you weren't sitting around on your fat ass and helping us, we'd be through it by now!!"

Heinrich: "You want it open?? Watch this!"

Ellrend: "WITHOUT causing an explosion or wild surge!!"

Heinrich: "I don't need my magic, watch this... HEY OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Heinrich: *points at the wall* "That wall said something about your mother!!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! BAD WALL!!!"

Me: "Og leaps at the wall with his battle axe, begins viciously smashing at the stonework; wailing at the wall with berserker might! Stone chips are flying across the room! Anyone stopping him?"

The group just sits silently. Dave playing Heinrich folds his arms across his chest grinning in triumph

Me: "After almost TEN SOLID MINUTES, Og starts to slow from exhaustion... you see he's busted about a two-foot diameter hole in the, now apparent, secret door. Internal bands of iron serving as structural reinforcement are smashed clean through. Og is panting like an exhausted dog, the battle axe, in need of a severe sharpening barely held in his hand."

Dragon: "Is the hole big enough to squeeze through?"

Me: "Not yet"

Dragon: "OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Dragon: "That wall just said something ELSE about your mother!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! OG SMASH WALL!!! WALL NOT SAY THING ABOUT OG MAMA!!" *Og suddenly starts smashing the wall again with renewed vigor*

Ellrend: "OG! Maybe someone BEHIND the wall said something about your mother!"

Og: "RRRAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHHHH!!!!"

Me: "Og starts shouldering the wall; throwing his whole body at it, you see the whole structure of the poor secret door crumble. Suddenly he headbutts it and there's a massive CLANG as his helmet makes contact. He stumbles back dizzy and falls over onto his back. The door creeks open."

Heinrich: "Good job Og! That wall won't say bad things about your mother anymore!"

Og: "Og lie down here a while..."

cigamnogard
01-19-2010, 07:24 PM
Another great Og tale!

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
01-19-2010, 08:20 PM
The joys of a flaming weapon!

Deep in Undermountain, my gaming group came to an apparent dead end. Garion the group ranger (real man), Dragon the group fighter (munchkin) and Ellrend the group bard (real roleplayer) were searching for secret doors. Heinrich, the group wild mage (loony), was standing around watching telling them they're all mental and Og the Destroyer (NPC) was standing in the corner picking his nose.

I'm rolling all of their search rolls behind my screen. The first ten minutes of checking the stonework, they all miss their roll, but Dragon only missed it by 1, so I decided in the interest of an interesting night (there was some wild stuff past that door), I'd toss him a clue.

Me: "Dragon, you 'think' you found a secret door, but you can't seem to figure out how to get it open."

Dragon: "Guys!! I think I found something! Check this out!"

They proceed to search his area, I give them all +1 and re-roll... the dice hated them that night.

Me: "You're pretty sure there's a door here, but you haven't a clue how to open it. You fuddle around for another ten minutes... checking around the thing, on the same wall, even on the other walls for some kind of release."

Heinrich: "You guys will never get that thing open... some dungeon crawlers you are! Let's go back to the last intersection and go down that sloping passage!"

Garion: "Oh yea?! Maybe if you weren't sitting around on your fat ass and helping us, we'd be through it by now!!"

Heinrich: "You want it open?? Watch this!"

Ellrend: "WITHOUT causing an explosion or wild surge!!"

Heinrich: "I don't need my magic, watch this... HEY OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Heinrich: *points at the wall* "That wall said something about your mother!!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! BAD WALL!!!"

Me: "Og leaps at the wall with his battle axe, begins viciously smashing at the stonework; wailing at the wall with berserker might! Stone chips are flying across the room! Anyone stopping him?"

The group just sits silently. Dave playing Heinrich folds his arms across his chest grinning in triumph

Me: "After almost TEN SOLID MINUTES, Og starts to slow from exhaustion... you see he's busted about a two-foot diameter hole in the, now apparent, secret door. Internal bands of iron serving as structural reinforcement are smashed clean through. Og is panting like an exhausted dog, the battle axe, in need of a severe sharpening barely held in his hand."

Dragon: "Is the hole big enough to squeeze through?"

Me: "Not yet"

Dragon: "OG!"

Og: "Errr??"

Dragon: "That wall just said something ELSE about your mother!"

Og: "AAAARRRRRRR!!!!!! OG SMASH WALL!!! WALL NOT SAY THING ABOUT OG MAMA!!" *Og suddenly starts smashing the wall again with renewed vigor*

Ellrend: "OG! Maybe someone BEHIND the wall said something about your mother!"

Og: "RRRAAAAAAHHHHHGGGHHHH!!!!"

Me: "Og starts shouldering the wall; throwing his whole body at it, you see the whole structure of the poor secret door crumble. Suddenly he headbutts it and there's a massive CLANG as his helmet makes contact. He stumbles back dizzy and falls over onto his back. The door creeks open."

Heinrich: "Good job Og! That wall won't say bad things about your mother anymore!"

Og: "Og lie down here a while..."
This story was hilarious. I'm sure everyone at Chipotle was wondering why i began laughing while reading my phone.

traesin
01-20-2010, 03:29 AM
O man. that's a good one.

Swordnboard
01-20-2010, 09:28 AM
Keep them coming, Frobozz!

doktorsemsis
01-22-2010, 09:50 AM
Here's 2 funny moments from last session.

So group consists of Human Barbarian, 40 years old Human Fighter, Gnome Bard, and annoying Half-elf sorcerer, who dies in like every encounter.

1. There is camp of orcs + ogre in woods. So they make genious plan, send sorcerer to scout, cause he only isnt wearing armor. So he is sneaking around the camp, but one of orcs spot him and charges to him, calling for other orc to come aswell. So the sorcerer sees the trouble and casts fast sleep, which ''of course'' fails.

Sorcerer yells:''You whoresons'', I say ''Don't be so hasty'', cause I just rolled critical for orc. So I correct him. As orc slashes your stomach, you try to call out ''You whoresons'' which sounds more like ''Blargh, blurgh''.

2. Party just fought troll skeleton nearby crypts and retreated after they found their weapons pretty useless. After little planning, gnome tells that it would be good idea to use sword blunt side. The old fighter says:''That is good idea, I remember great tales about some warrior which always fought like that. Wonder how I didn't figure it out myself.
So at next encounter in crypt there is 4 wolf skeletons. Fight is pretty messy and they all stand together. Next to fighter stands little gnome. So fighter wins initiative and laughs smashing wolf with blunt side. And guess what he rolls 1.
I grin and say:''You swing your sword very hard, but somehow clumsy and hit the gnome next to you knocking him out.''
The fight goes on and Barbarian runs in raging and laughing at Fighter, and says:''I'll show you how it's done''. And gets natural 1.

:D

Anaesthesia
01-22-2010, 11:37 AM
One of my favorites:
In one of my former gaming groups, a newish DM got everyone to play Eberron. The characters- Rob and I were Zilargro Gnomes (he was a fighter, myself a bard), there were one or two people I can't recall what they played and Andrew was playing a warforged. Rob and I figured out early on that none of the other players had taken Gnome as a language, so we talked to each other, only in gnome to everyone else's annoyance. Rob's friend (Renee) came to try D&D. Renee's PC was a Druid Princess, but had amnesia, that we had to help. This is what happened:

Renee: I only remember my name...that's my unicorn over there...and I'm a Druidic...Druidish...Dru-ish...Princess.
Me (to Rob, in Gnome): Funny, she doesn't look Dru-ish!
(Rob and I proceeds to laugh hysterically, everyone else glares at me)
Me (OOC):What?!? It's not like the rest of you can understand gnome!

cigamnogard
01-24-2010, 01:38 AM
Not sure if this post will classify as funny but possibly amusing - and hopefully so. Once upon a time I played an evil character but a well loved ,I believe, by all:

Jack - just Jack; aka Baron Delgado McLoud de la Pena de Vazquez
--> race: gnome
--> he was the party 'whatever' he picked bizarre classes and mixes having rogue, monk, barbarian , and duelist to name a few.
--> his goal was to befriend everyone and use them to his sole advantage
-->alignment began as lawful evil but eventually hovered more neutral with evil tendancies.

The parties reactions to this evil character was at first reserved but eventually everyone loved the evil Jack. Jack's schemes constantly fuelled the DM's imagination and my fellow players with both awe and angst.
An example - the party was captured, except for Jack who was off busy with something else. But, he needed the party, for his own selfish needs, so off he goes to save them! Yes, he did think that he could go off and join a new group but felt some sort of attachment to these individuals. Me thinking it should be no problem for a small rogue/monk/barbarian/ranger (aka Jack) to sneak into where the party is held and free them. However, en route - the DM rolls up a random encounter. What is Jack facing? A troll. What does Jack do? Instead of attacking the troll - he convinces the troll to come with him and eat all the bandits that have captured his friends. The "poor" DM ended up adding the troll as a NPC to the party.
Another example - the local brothel was burning down. We may never know who or what started the blaze. Jack and the paladin worked desperately to save all the workers. The paladin thanks the monk (aka Jack) and the monk puts them back to work in his new building across the street. Hey, not against the law and after all they needed gainful employment!
Possibly the best example of his character was his first meeting with another monk. They quickly got into a theological arguement about who's god/goddess was better. Jack suggested they step outside to settle the matter. Meanwhile, I slipped a piece of paper to the DM outlining that as soon as the monk of St. Cuthbert turned his back Jack, a monk of Briar Cavaliar, would attack him. Now, you're thinking no big deal a gnome monk = 1d4 the human monk of St. Cuthbert should take him easy. Well, you'd be wrong a rogue monk with dirty fighting does 1d4 + 1d4 + 1D6. The St. Cuthbert monk was staggered by the first hit and down to 4 hit points. Then the player was stunned when the DM said, "okay, now roll initiative!" Jack won the initiative too. Pretty sure the player's monk converted religions later on for some reason...
Another tale is when the party...

Necron99
01-24-2010, 04:44 AM
It is 1:45 AM here in California, and I just woke up my girlfriend in the other room from laughing so hard at the Og stories. I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you Frobozz

Frobozz
01-26-2010, 08:30 PM
Here's another one for you...

Same team from the previous story, the group left Undermountain with certain rare reagents they found in an alchemy lab with the idea they'd use them to brew up a pot of potion of invulnerability. They needed a rare herb though that grew up in the mountains to the east of Waterdeep. With that herb, they could brew about 6 potions, which they intended to use in the deeper levels of the dungeon.

Heinrich was being his typical crass self. At one point before they left, he sent Nahals, his pseudodragon familiar to steal Og's wineskin. In general, he treated Og like dirt because Og was generally too stupid to know when he was being insulted. At this point though, Og was catching on.

They made camp the first night out.

Dragon: "Hey Og, go get some firewood and we'll cook up the deer Garion killed."

Og: "MMMM.... DEER YUM. NOT LIKE MANTICORE. YOU NO EAT MANTICORE!!" *Og holds his stomach and rolls his eyes up groaning as he remembers something about that incident*

Garion: "Uhh... no, we not eat manticore Og..."

Og starts trudging off into the brush and Heinrich sees it as an opportunity to go through Og's pack.

Dragon: "Heinrich, what the hell are you doing?!"

Heinrich: "That magic dagger you gave Og is going to go to waste... I could use a new knife!"

Dragon: "Og's going to kill you when he comes back!"

Heinrich: "He won't even know it's gone. The only reason he took it was because he needed a toothpick!"

*Og suddenly comes back through the brush* "WHAT HEINRICH DOIN?!"

Garion: "Oh, this is going to be good..."

Heinrich: "Uhh... hey Og... I was just gonna borrow your toothpick!"

Og: "Borrow?"

Heinrich: "Yea, it's when you let a buddy use something." *Heinrich holds up Og's dagger +2*

Og: "Uhhh...... " *Og eyes cross and narrow as he struggles to comprehend. Heinrich walks back over to his pack with Og's dagger. Finally, Og just stops trying to comprehend and walks over to retrieve his axe to cut down a tree for firewood.*

Garion: "You're lucky Heinrich, you keep pulling that crap and Og's going to make a sandwich out of you."

Heinrich: "Bah, he's too stupid to figure it out."

They all ate and split up the night into watches. Heinrich always took the last watch since he could then memorize spells before the rest woke up. He wakes up, opens his bag and grabs his spellbook.

Me: "Heinrich, you open your spellbook and are horrified to see several torn out pages."

Heinrich: "WHAT?! Which spells!?"

Me: "The rest of you guys get stirred awake by Heinrich's shout. Heinrich, it looks like some of your third circle spells... Dispel Magic, Lightning Bolt, and Hovering Skull."

Heinrich: "WHAT??! My floaty skull spell's gone?! I liked that spell!"

Me: "Suddenly you hear some groaning from the brushline. You turn and see Og step out of the bushes pulling his loincloth back up."

Og: *Turns to Heinrich with a huge grin* "OG BORROW!"

Heinrich: "WHAT???!!!" *Runs over to the hedgeline*

Me: "You find your missing pages... looks like Og needed toilet paper."

Heinrich: "NOOO!!!!" *Dragon is laughing so hard he falls out of his chair*

Og: "OG LIKE BORROW!! BETTER THAN LEAF!!"

Swordnboard
01-27-2010, 12:35 PM
"OG LIKE BORROW!!"

LOL! That's awesome stuff Frobozz!

Ishcumbeebeeda
01-27-2010, 10:42 PM
Oh my god, Frobozz, I just made my roommate die in his army game (Modern Warfare 2, I think) because I burst out laughing so loud and suddenly! If I ever get to play tabletop D&D again I think I'm going to play a barbarian whose deity will be Og, the destroyer!

cplmac
01-28-2010, 04:30 PM
Ok, now this ain't going to be anywhere near as good as the Og stories, but here is what happened in our tabletop game a few sessions ago.

We have found Broken Spire Keep and have prepared to attack it. The plan was to have Merrick (mage/thief) and Dengar (ranger) climb up the unbroken spire and create a diversion so that the rest of us can ambush the fighters that come out the gate to go attack them. As luck would have it, the lone guard up in the tower is able to sound an alarm. The two of them make it up to the top and start going after the guard, who steps in a bad spot and falls 3 or 4 floors to his death.

Meanwhile, Belsar (my fighter), Rennek (fighter), Blintz (fighter), Tristiana (bard), and Corabell (cleric) have been waiting for the attack to come out of the gate. After waiting several rounds, I finally give the go ahead, saying that we will force our way in through the gate since noone has come out of it. We were worried that they went to the tower from the inside and figured that our friends were going to need some help really fast. As Belsar and Rennek led the charge to the gate, suddenly Rennek gets pulled up and away in a snare trap. As Belsar turns and sees Rennek flying through the air, he says, "Hey, where the hell are you going?" Just then, the ground gives way from under his feet and he falls into a pit trap that is 10 feet deep. Now this wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact the Dwarf is only 4 feet tall.

Of course, now is when the attack comes out of the gate. Six fighters, 2 dogs, and a leader are now coming at Blintz, Tristiana, and Corabell (a fighter, a bard, and a cleric while the 2 heaviest and highest level fighters are caught in traps).

While that was going on outside, Merrick and Dengar were tearing things up inside. Amazing how quick the diversion becomes the main attack.

cigamnogard
01-29-2010, 06:49 PM
:lol: So, true; so - what happened though?

cplmac
01-29-2010, 07:34 PM
Well, needless to say that they started doing a number on Tristiana and Corabell. They also ganged up on Blintz throwing 2 fighters and a dog on him at the same time. Next thing Belsar knows, Corabell comes falling down into the pit also. She ends up standing on Belsar's shoulders and is able to get herself pulled up out. I throw up rope so that they can help me up, but they are too busy defending themselves to pull me up. It also didn't help that on a crit. miss, Blintz managed to shorten my 50 foot length of rope by 10 feet. Getting frustrated and hearing his companions calling for help, Belsar yells out that when he gets out of the pit that there is going to be some serious payback being handed out.

Meanwhile, Rennek has a fighter and a dog go over to where he is hanging in the snare from a tree. They figure that this will be an easy quarry since he is caught in the ropes. Now not being the brightest bulb in the box, Rennek decides that the easiest way to get out is to cut the rope, which he does. This of course causes him to fall about 25 feet and take some damage from the fall. He just jumps up and assumes that the pain was inflicted by the fighter and dog and proceeds to fight. Much to that fighters surprise, he makes short work of the dog now the fighter is in a desparate fight to try and stay alive.

Belsar finally makes it out of the pit and says, "It's on now!" the closest person is one of the fighters at Blintz. With a mighty swing of his battleaxe and down goes that one. Blintz was able to take out the dog then so Belsar left him to take care of the remaining fighter and moved up to where Corabell was struggling with another fighter. As he passed, the battleaxe dug deep once again and down goes another one. At this point, the leader of this group starts to get worried and yells, "What are you doing? Get them!" Continuing forward, he comes to Tristiana who has just taken a bad hit from the person she is fighting. He laughs and says, "It won't be long now." Belsar smiles and says, "You got that right my friend." And with one more swing of his battleaxe, down goes another.

The leader arrives and says, "You won't find me to be as easy of a target." and promptly misses Belsar. (It is at this attack, that Belsar once again gets 2 attacks because of using a weapon that he is specialized in using). The first swing is a crit (rolled a natural 20 and with the strength and specialization bonuses added, ended up with a 22.) and does a massive amount of damage. The second swing is also a hit and does another good chunk of damage. "That should do the job." and Belsar continues toward the gate of the keep.

cigamnogard
02-01-2010, 06:35 PM
Nice.

Frobozz
02-02-2010, 07:59 PM
Hahaha... that sounds like an awesome fun time!


Sorry for the delay, this next section I had to transcribe from an audio recording of the session. What follows is a continuation from the previous Og story.

The group continued to the mountains and found a trail up the side of one into a pass. Early in the game night when the group reviewed the game journal to refresh themselves on last week's game, the comment I had Og say about hating the taste of manticore and 'viciously' warning them not to eat it was joked about quite a bit.

They were heading through when out steps a group of a dozen brigands. A few hiding in the rocks, let loose some arrows to show they were serious. I informed them that this looked like a rough encounter. These guys were skilled.

Lead Brigand: "Well well well... looks like somebody decided to use our pass without paying their air tax. So what say you leave your fancy equipment here and we'll let you keep breathing it?"

Garion: "I don't think so."

Heinrich: "Yea, don't you know who we are?"

While the group was somewhat known in Waterdeep, they were a far cry from being (in)famous. Dave was a damned good roleplayer when he was sober and had a mind like a steel trap.

Lead Brigand: "Can't say I have. Let me guess, you were the prize in last month's gnome tossing competition! Ha ha!" The crowd of brigands chuckle.

Dragon: "I'll give you people one chance to move or you will die."

Heinrich: "Hey Dragon, this dumbass don't know who we are!"

Dragon: "Huh?.. er... Oh, he doesn't? Well it'll be the last thing he'll know."

Lead Brigand: "All you peons look like to me; is a group of morons who are outnumbered two to one and who are mistaken because they're going to be the ones dead if they don't drop their gear and go back the way they came."

Heinrich: "Really... well even though you don't know us, I know who you guys are!"

Garion: "What? You know who these scum are?!"

Lead Brigand: "Oh, perhaps our reputation preceeds us. So gnome, who do you think we are?"

Heinrich: "Hey Og!"

Og was standing like a post behind Heinrich. He didn't even have his weapon drawn.

Og: "Err?"

Heinrich: "You know who these guys are?"

Og: "Uhhh.... ... ... ..."

Heinrich: "These guys are 'Those who eat manticore!'"

Og: "WHUT?!!?!!?!!" Leaping into rage and starting initiative.

Og: "YOU NO EAT MANTICORE!!! MANTICORE BAD!!!!"

Three arrows hit Og but not before he kills the brigand leader in a single blow; rogues just don't have the hit points to take massive damage. Garion fires arrows and kills one of the entrenched archers. Dragon sweeps into battle his usual Cuisinart self with paired katanas. It's Heinrich's turn...

Heinrich: "Nahals! Cast a fireball with it at those punks on the rocks!"

I roll on the huge d1000 table of wild surge results I downloaded from the internet and get the surge results.

DM: "Metamagical transformation. You can make the spell look, sound, and appear however you want. The effect is amplified for either 150% damage, protection, number of targets or duration, your choice of one."

He tells me the effect he wants...

DM: "Heinrich finishes casting his spell and this massive fireball that looks like a huge yellow smiley face launches from his fingertips and audibly screams up to the rocks where the brigand archers are. When it goes off the ground tremors slightly, the sky briefly turns red and you see a massive mushroom cloud erupt. The charred remains of the other archers fall to the pass below."

First round of combat and the brigand's morale breaks. Double penalty for
shock and awe' (Og and the funky fireball... the name Dave gave it for the rest of the game), penalty for their leader dying, additional penalty for him dying in the first round before he could even get a turn in initiative... sadly, I tried to design this encounter as tough one...

Og grabs the next brigand and pins him one handed against a rock.

Og: "U EAT MANTICORE?!!?"

Brigand, wetting his pants: "NO! I DON'T EAT MANTICORE!"

Og: "U LIE!!! HEINRICH KNOW!!!"

He then throws him against a rock opposite him where Dragon promptly kills him. None of the brigands made it. The group slaughtered them as they tried to take off.

Og, panting from exertion: "Why dey eat manticore? Don't dey know it bad for dem?!"

Heinrich: "Yea Og, you sure showed them exactly how bad it can be for them!"

Og holds his stomach in remembrance and groans.
--- Merged from Double Post ---
Taking people's advice, I started a blog for the Og and Heinrich stories; which I now realize I have a truck-load of from old campaign journals and audio recordings.

Interested parties who I'd be honored to have follow it can find it here (http://www.penandpapergames.com/forums/blog.php?u=3499).

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
02-03-2010, 12:29 AM
You should transcribe them all and publish them on Lulu.com. I'd buy them. Heck, put me down for a copy.

arevg
02-11-2010, 02:34 PM
well it must be the time when my charakter got taken over by an magic item..
you see we where on a quest to collect 8 pieces og a real powerfull magic staff . well we got to know where the first piece was and we went there and kicked ass true the hole dungeon and we got to the staff piece , and well my charakter is obsessed with magic items and did ofcourse pick it up and well this was no ordenary staff piece ... this one has like 10000 difrent personality's and my charakter well failed a will chek and got taken controll over. and well ... he had a ring a invisebilety and ran away for the groop ...
some days later (ingame) the other people inn the groop had completed to hunt me down , and found my charakter running around in cirles while shouting im gona rule the world! , it was quite the fun session of dnd ^^

cigamnogard
02-11-2010, 05:58 PM
Did you mean:

The funniest moment must have been the time when my character was possesed by a magic item:
We where on a quest to collect eight pieces of a very powerfull magical staff . We knew where the first piece was. When we reached that location we kicked ass! We went through the whole dungeon and achieved our goal - the first piece of the staff.
However, as my characer was obsessed with magic items he threw caution to the wind and picked it up. Right away he knew that it was no ordinary staff piece - it had 10,000 different personalities!
Then came the will save - which my character failed! My character was possesed! And, as he had a ring of invisibility he easliy escaped from the rest of the group.
A few days later (in-game) the other people in the group managed to track my character down. They discovered him running around in circles while shouting,"I'm gonna rule the world!"
It was quite the fun session of DND!
^^
Great story and I do not believe English is your first language - so no worries!
Norge is the Norwegian (Bokmål) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bokm%C3%A5l), Danish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danish_language) and Swedish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swedish_language) name for Norway (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norway),

Dark Cloaked Figure
02-12-2010, 03:41 AM
My level-7 Scout was trying to travel over a narrow bridge buffeted by a continuous wind spell. I make it to the last square before the end, and I blow my fortitude save against the wind with a natural 1. Then I blow my balance check with a nat 1. Then I blow my reflex save to catch the ledge with a nat 1. I went on to fail four more continuous checks and saves.

Was this the end for our hero?

Nope. He splashes into the water and takes 1 nonlethal damage because the water was cold.

Hrumkiller
02-14-2010, 11:42 PM
At one point, we got to a shop we needed to hit up for this alchemist, but they were closed. The group started discussing how to get in and Og just stood silently there. Suddenly, someone offered the brilliant idea to knock. Og suddenly stepped up and goes "OG KNOCK! OG GOOD AT KNOCK!!" he then lifted his boot and kicks the door in going "KNOCK!!!". I rolled and the door is kicked off the hinges.

This is the sencond most hilarious thing that I have ever seen or read.:rofl:

The Magic King
03-01-2010, 09:52 PM
One of my funniest moments occurred after I had just been imprisoned to be sold as a slave. In my cell I had come up with a myriad of perfectly reasonable and likely to succeed escape plans. Ranging from kicking out the bars in a weakened section, I by the way, had a strength score of 18 on that character, which had rusted. I even took the precaution to wrap the bar in a thin layer of linen to protect from possible cuts as i was barefoot. On this check i rolled a 1, then a 2, and then, yes, a 3. This epic failure had resulted in me breaking my ankle. Next I tried picking the lock as I was a rogue, I broke the improvised tools with another series of 1's which also slashed my hand open. After this came more sound plans, which by all means would have worked had I not rolled more 1's. So after the passing of several hours in game the time to move the prisoners to be sold came. As my dreadful fate approached I, being rather incensed at the time, took the fork from my mentally deranged cellmate and threw it at the jailer. I rolled four 20's in a row, instant death. At this point my deranged cellmate flew into hysterics and kicked down the door, the DM had also rolled very well, specifically a 20 then a 19. After this he reclaimed his beloved fork and went back to grumbling like a mad man. After this i limped from the place without incident. Perhaps the most amusing part of all of this is the fact that that was the very first event we had played after character creation.
Rather inauspicious a start for a character whose attributes i had rolled as 18, 18, 18, 18, 17, 17.

Dixon_West
03-02-2010, 09:15 PM
Do a bard/swashbuckler is being held in a mage prison, and he has to break out. Before they get to the anti magic field, he holds his head close to the guards mouth, and than yells "That would be a Horrible thing to do to him!" and the other guard started fighting him. So he runs up a level. More guards. Sings a song about a kid dieing, gets hit the guard yells: "My son died!" so the bard looks at the other guard who didn't hit him and says "How dare you laugh when this mans son had died?!" so the guards start fighting

The Bard heads up another level, realizes there are even more guards, so he puts his hat over his face and walks past them "Good morning" he says under his hat as he waltzes past them "Good day" they smile and nod.

On the top floor he reaches all of the arch mages. For what seems like the first time in the whole campaign he is speechless. Guards start smashing on the doors behind him. In the spur of the moment, he states "These guards are after me because I am a spellcaster, they plan to kill you all and take the tower for themselves, because mages are "Wussies" and Melee is the only way to fight." Enraged, the mages fly out of the room, spells blazing. He makes it to the roof, where he finds the rest of the party, who where coming to break him out. The mages retreat and find him and the group. They help them cross the buildings from rooftop to rooftop, until the party makes it to a group of guards.

the Bard/swashbuckler, states that mages are out to get them, and that they are siding with the guards. The guards assist them through the burning town of mages vs. guards to the major arch mages house, who has deemed himself neutral to the occasion. Knowing his pirate crew, and dad are close he sends a message to them, telling them that mages and guards are trying to kill them.

So I think one of the funniest things that happened that campaign was the Bard/Swashbuckler, started a three way civil war, and burned an entire city to the ground, was wanted for over one million gold pieces, and still managed to get on all sides of the war, and make it away unharmed.

Hoitash
03-02-2010, 11:52 PM
Wow, that guy needs to be delcared the patron saint of Bards or something, cuz that is just awesomelly cool :)

The Magic King
03-03-2010, 05:24 AM
Wow, that guy needs to be delcared the patron saint of Bards or something, cuz that is just awesomelly cool :)
Maybe other bards will sing about him.

Dixon_West
03-03-2010, 07:01 AM
Wow, that guy needs to be delcared the patron saint of Bards or something, cuz that is just awesomelly cool :)
In all fairness he was multi-classing as a Swashbuckler. He was a pirate.

Hoitash
03-03-2010, 05:20 PM
Ah, well then, he's the patron saint of both :)

I'll leave this one vague in case any readers lack a strong constitution:

The scene: the party is talking to an npc about a job. The job is entering an old watchpost and freeing it of hobgoblins, and hopefully capturing there leader. The local militia were wiped out trying a frontal assault and so our group was going to send the rogue in through a backway: the sewer system from the cesspool led right into the basement of the post. Once inside the rogue would distract the hobbos so the rest of the group could blow the door open with a bomb and link up with the rogue.

Well there leader escaped but the group cleared the post and returned to the npc. Many jokes followed when it came time for payment (think along the lines of "what a crappy job.") :)

Dixon_West
03-03-2010, 07:00 PM
The introduction the the campaign was Hilarius, the DM, was a genius. The two people who where holding my character, where a war forged dusk blade, and a Drow dusk blade. My character, racist against everything, didn't keep his mouth shut. Using the word "RoboCop" to the war forged dusk blade. Insulting the guards, hitting on female prisoners. Yeah he was a peach. So when a cult broke into the prison, him and the two guards, had to break out, pretty much making us a party. Well we where in a room full of guards, and I tried to shoot a crossbow bolt into the roof, and swing over them. The two guards didn't even try to stop me, it didn't work. So I was doing my speech, and ducking under the guards and dodging their blows, and I got to the end turned to them all and said "AND THIS IS WHERE I MAKE MY GREAT ESCAPE" and a guard opens the door behind me and lays me out.

our DM for that whole campaign was awesome. At the end, we got to fight Veccna, (HARD) but of course the she-male, kept using god powers, so the Gnoll pipes up "NOW THAT'S JUST CHEATING" In the end our gods gave us weapons to fight Veccna, and we sundered his-her other arm, and killed her. It was epic. :laugh:

traesin
03-04-2010, 04:09 AM
Ah, well then, he's the patron saint of both :)

I'll leave this one vague in case any readers lack a strong constitution:

The scene: the party is talking to an npc about a job. The job is entering an old watchpost and freeing it of hobgoblins, and hopefully capturing there leader. The local militia were wiped out trying a frontal assault and so our group was going to send the rogue in through a backway: the sewer system from the cesspool led right into the basement of the post. Once inside the rogue would distract the hobbos so the rest of the group could blow the door open with a bomb and link up with the rogue.

Well there leader escaped but the group cleared the post and returned to the npc. Many jokes followed when it came time for payment (think along the lines of "what a crappy job.") :)

As someone who works with disabled adults in ALL aspects of the human body. I know about crappy jobs.

LucifeR
03-04-2010, 09:37 AM
when playing some D&D 3.5. my friend took a long trip to get a baby tiger. wantting it as a pet her has trained it. at one point he left the tiger cub in the care of a female of the Black Assassins guild. when he came back to the house her heard a scream. kicking in the door her looked around to find the tiger ontop of the girl.
frist thing he said.
"kinky" with the strightest face
the tiger cub was only playign with the girl and chewing on her hair whatever. =P you perv!

more info PM me

Hoitash
03-04-2010, 11:19 AM
I should probably point out stronger language was used, but then everybody probably figured that.

Aleucard
04-20-2010, 02:18 AM
Frobozz, that was the funniest shit I have ever read in my entire life. You sir, are the ****ing MAN.

I only really played one campaign, but there was some funny shit in it. It was me (a human ranger, fairly laid back), my oldest sister (a rogue gnome, liked to be a *****), my oldest sister's boyfriend (halfling bard/artificer, smartass with a prank streak), and my next-oldest sister (a human cleric, had a personality like a hyperactive bunny rabbit but was serious at the same time). There was a few funny situations in the campaign, but I thought the best was this;

We were all sitting around on a boat to go to the next part of our campaign; me and the cleric were on top deck, and the rogue and bard were in the mess hall. All of a sudden, a bunch of skeletons popped up out of nowhere, climbing up the side of the ship (no significance, just a random encounter). There were about ten of these things (we were all level 2 or 3, so we SHOULD have been screwed at this point). I was busy dealing with the two nearby me, so my character wasn't paying attention. The cleric fires off an area-effect heal spell (I think), and manages to take out SIX of the things in one shot. Nobody knew she even did it. Funny part of it was? Prior to this, she had the sort of luck that necessitated the roleplaying of the DM impersonating the cleric's god and saying "You're an idiot!" I thought it was funny as Hell.

WhiskeyFur
08-17-2010, 12:48 PM
I do remember one game on an Apr 1st. In 'honor' of that day everyone studied up on Monty Python skits and had a 'pun'ishing good time.

Ugh, never again...

Geode
08-25-2010, 03:50 AM
I was male Human Warlock age 16, another party member was male Dragonborn Fighter age 15, and there was a female Drow Sorcerer age mid 20ish for elves. We were trying to catch up with a group of renegade drow males. The Leader of the Drow was holding onto a key that we needed, and also had a huge crush on our groups sorcerer. The Sorcerer came up with a plan for us; We were to act as her *ahem* male harem (as is customary to the drow in that campaign) to make him jealous.
Me and the fighter burst out laughing over the table. We refused, and continued on and decided to try and persuade it off of him instead.

When my first attempt at bluffing it off of him was unsuccessful. I recommended that we try and distract him while the stealthiest of us tried to snatch it from him. We managed to bluff him and two of his guards away from the others. Unable to think of another way to separate the guards from the main drow, the sorcerer ended up giving him a seductive wink before disappearing into the foliage. Long story short, clanky dragonborn manages to sneak up and steal the key before things got awkward. We charged off before anyone noticed.

Dalboz
08-26-2010, 07:03 AM
This one happened a long time ago (early 2nd edition) so I don't remember the whole thing or the actual game we were playing, but I remember the details of this particular incident.

We were fighting a giant next to a temple. One of our players was playing a minotaur. Big character. I had the bright idea that if you cast an enlarging spell on a character, cast on the one who is already the biggest to make him ridiculously large and powerful. So we now have a sixteen foot tall minotaur who goes into a charge attack. With the boosts and all, the only way he could miss is if he rolled a 1. Well, guess what he rolled? So basically, in the middle of his charge, he trips, goes stumbling by and crashes head first into the side of the temple, collapsing the wall on top of him.