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Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
04-29-2009, 05:26 PM
Chuck Norris: The Man of Steel! All other superhero's worship him.

Fun facts about Chuck Norris:

1) When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to move above the horizon.
2) Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
3) Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.
4) ?

What share you?

Thoth-Amon

Panthro82
04-29-2009, 06:19 PM
sorry Thoth but fact 1 is a lie.

Chuck Norris doesnt ever sleep.....he waits

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
04-29-2009, 06:25 PM
sorry Thoth but fact 1 is a lie.

Chuck Norris doesnt ever sleep.....he waits
This wasnt true, until recently. He made 8th degree black belt God, confirmed in Korea, so therefore now has the power to tell the sun where to rise and set.

Panthro82
04-30-2009, 05:19 AM
lol. can we agree that he pretends to sleep to catch enemies off guard?

Talmek
04-30-2009, 05:48 AM
4. Behind Chuck Norris' beard...another fist.

Panthro82
04-30-2009, 06:04 AM
1)Chuck Norris can eat just one lays potato chip and....
2) Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter

Talmek
04-30-2009, 06:19 AM
5. It is a little-known fact that Chuck Norris' tears have the ability to cure cancer.

Too bad he has never cried.

William Murderface
06-06-2009, 11:28 PM
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
when Chuck Norris was told that kung fu was for kung fags Chuck Norris promptly headbutted all of the baldwin brothers in the stomach at once
they bought him a $200 gift certificate for Fridays, he has yet to use it

Panthro82
06-07-2009, 02:32 AM
In the debate of Egg -vs- chicken....Chuck Norris came first


And also if a tree falls in the middle of the forrest and no body is around...chuck norris hears it...

BrotherDog
06-07-2009, 04:54 AM
Chuck Norris now 70 years old. I'm being totally cereal.

jade von delioch
06-07-2009, 10:49 AM
Chuck norris strikes again. First Bruce Lee now David Carradine. when will his madness stop?

Oldgamer
06-07-2009, 12:34 PM
Chuck Norris has a black belt in Tang Soo Do that he learned while in the Air Force and stationed in Korea. Since achieving his black belt, he has been in no fights, only "point" competition where you win by points and not by skill.

But he sure makes it look good on film :)

Panthro82
06-07-2009, 02:22 PM
Chuck Norris has a black belt in Tang Soo Do that he learned while in the Air Force and stationed in Korea. Since achieving his black belt, he has been in no fights, only "point" competition where you win by points and not by skill.

But he sure makes it look good on film :)

Thats what he wants you to believe. He actually has killed over 78,434,006 people worldwide. The government comes up with various lies like, "Oh that was the swine flu", or "Tragic plane crash". For instance, that whole hurricane katrina thing....Chuck Norris sneezed

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
06-07-2009, 02:58 PM
When the Universe attacked Chuck with an irresistible force and an immovable object, Chuck Norris Won!

Valdar
06-07-2009, 03:12 PM
Pretty good ones at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ :


If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

But the best Chuck Norris joke ever?

Mike Huckabee's campaign. :drum:

Panthro82
06-07-2009, 03:23 PM
Also that whole South Asia Tsunami event in '04 that killed hundreds of thousands of people...Yea that was Chuck Norris too. He wasn't happy about not winning best actor at the oscars...(he wasn't nominated but does he really need to be?)

Bob the Dalek
06-07-2009, 03:28 PM
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
Chuck Norris looked death in the face and it blinked.

Panthro82
06-07-2009, 04:37 PM
Chuck norris strikes again. First Bruce Lee now David Carradine. when will his madness stop?

He did it because he had seen the movies and thought they were a rip. He wanted to literally Kill Bill...

Malruhn
06-07-2009, 06:49 PM
My personal fave...

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands for vacation.

Now they're just called, "The Islands".

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
06-07-2009, 10:06 PM
My personal fave...

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands for vacation.

Now they're just called, "The Islands".
That's hilarious! :laugh:

stonebreaker
06-10-2009, 12:00 PM
Chuck Norris can stop time by staring at a clock and flexing:lol:

Bob the Dalek
06-10-2009, 02:35 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Panthro82
06-11-2009, 12:41 AM
the only hand that beats a royal flush in texas hold 'em is Chuck Norris'

Talmek
06-11-2009, 03:45 AM
Chuck Norris won the 1987 World Series of Poker with the following: 2 of Clubs, 6 of Diamonds, a Blue 4 from an Uno deck, a white bishop from a chess set and a Get Out of Jail Free Card from Monopoly.

Would you question him...I didn't think so.

Panthro82
06-12-2009, 12:17 AM
Every suicide that has ever happened in the history of mankind was labeled as such because they were attacking Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress

Soft Serve
07-17-2009, 07:44 PM
Chuck Norris once pissed in a can. They now market it as "Red Bull"

When Chuck Norris does push-ups. He doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

When Chuck Norris uses a toilet, it says "thank you."

Archaeologists found three dinosaur fossils surrounding a single dinosaur fossil. The three on the outside seemed to have died from Roundhouse Kick related injuries. The center dinosaur was named The ChuckNorrisarus. They later re-named the center dino because Chuck Norris can't die.

Chuck Norris' house has no doors. Only walls that he walks through.

Chuck Norris can shoot a plane down by pointing at it and screaming "bang".

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard at a baseball game his foot opened a hole in the univers and travelled back in time to kill Amelia Earheart while she was mid-flight.

Panthro82
07-18-2009, 01:49 PM
Chuck Norris can also prevent forrest fires.

Soft Serve
07-18-2009, 02:06 PM
Chuck Norris can also prevent forrest fires.


Yep. But he's usually the one that starts them..... with his beard.

Panthro82
07-22-2009, 10:53 PM
Chuck Norris can solve the Rubik's cube in half a millisecond without touching it. He just glares at it and it solves itself.

Soft Serve
07-23-2009, 01:46 AM
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar.

It immediately exploded from the level of pure awesome.

Panthro82
07-23-2009, 03:33 PM
My friend has that Mr. T and Chuck Norris book and it is hysterical.

Arch Lich Thoth-Amon
07-23-2009, 03:38 PM
Okay, this one hits below the proverbial belt: When Bruce and Chuck fought, Chuck used his dim mak (death touch) on Bruce with just the glare from his eyes.

Panthro82
07-23-2009, 03:41 PM
In the movie, Bruce Lee defeats Chuck Norris. This is only because Chuck had just finished up a 14 day battle with God himself, (in which he won) and he also didn't want to upstage Bruce in his own film. So he actually pitied the fool. :)

CEBedford
07-23-2009, 04:21 PM
During their fight Chuck Norris actually let Bruce Lee tear out his chest hair. He actually won because he saved money on a trim job.

Ok I suck at this. I'm a Stallone fan anyway. *ducks* :biggrin:

Angelus_Nox
07-23-2009, 04:28 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. Darkness if afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris has been dead for ten years, but Death is afraid to tell him.

Soft Serve
07-23-2009, 04:40 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. Darkness if afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris has been dead for ten years, but Death is afraid to tell him.

:roll:

Panthro82
07-23-2009, 05:13 PM
Chuck Norris sunk the Titanic. He couldn't idly sit by while people claimed it was unsinkable.

WCRPG Butcher
07-23-2009, 05:48 PM
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked 23 flavors together into glass of carbonated water. This drink is now called Dr. Pepper. There is no other scientific or theological reason this could work any other way.

Panthro82
07-23-2009, 10:57 PM
The only thing underneath Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.

Angelus_Nox
07-23-2009, 11:16 PM
There is a man who claims to have slept with more than 10,000 women. Chuck Norris calls this a slow tuesday.

If Chuck Norris would sleep with a man, it would not be because he turned gay. He would simply have run out of girls.

A Roundhouse Kick by Chuck Norris can power the entire USA for 2 years.

When Chuck Norris wants to shave his face, he has to Roundhouse Kick himself into the face, because the only thing that can Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat steak. He eats the entire cow.

Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Edit: all of the ones I posted came from my memory. Should I be worried?

Panthro82
07-23-2009, 11:27 PM
No! you can never know enough about Chuck Norris :)

Angelus_Nox
07-24-2009, 07:02 AM
How much wood does Chuck Norris chuck when Chuck Norris chucks wood? All of it (or something along those lines)

The quickest way to anyones heart is Chuck Norris' fist.

Kids check if there are monsters under their beds. Monsters check if Chuck Norris is under their beds.
And he is.

If Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he would win.

The USA is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship.

Panthro82
07-24-2009, 12:28 PM
Chuck Norris recently destroyed the Periodic Table Of Elements because he only recognizes the element of surprise

Soft Serve
07-24-2009, 01:50 PM
If you look in the mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times with a candle lit and the lights off. A foot will break through it and roundhouse kick you in the face.

Panthro82
07-24-2009, 06:40 PM
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.

Jmkeylon
07-24-2009, 08:35 PM
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat it too.

Soft Serve
07-24-2009, 10:40 PM
haha. My dad used to tell me I coulden't have my cake and eat it too. When I learned that joke he got mad at me....:laugh:

Panthro82
07-25-2009, 07:46 PM
lol oh yea dad! Well Chuck Norris can! :lol:

Soft Serve
07-26-2009, 07:44 PM
Chuck Norris uses a stuntman for crying scenes. Then immediately kills everyone on the set. This is why there is no footage of Chuck Norris crying.
--- Merged from Double Post ---
If you google search chuck norris getting his ass kicked you will find 0 results and a beard will come through the moniter and punch you in the face.

Panthro82
07-28-2009, 03:41 PM
You would think all of these facts about Chuck Norris are greatly exaggerated...but if anything they don't do any justice to his awesomeness.

Doom Crow
07-28-2009, 05:58 PM
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Soft Serve
07-29-2009, 02:12 PM
The dead ninjas one was new to me, that's awesome Doom Crow.

Doom Crow
07-29-2009, 04:10 PM
:welcome:, :rockon:
--- Merged from Double Post ---
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

XeroDrift
09-21-2009, 11:18 PM
Stop posting multiples you jerks! Glory hounds! Primadonnas! Stealers of Thunder!

Anyway...
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the Earth and punch himself in the back of the head.